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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

She left, but he convinced her to go back.....

2 replies

LittleMissRayofHope · 03/07/2014 22:43

More a rant then anything but if this gets muh advice I might show this to my Sister.

Basically she is in a relationship and living with her bf. He is a a twat. He is controlling, condescending, patronising, verbally abusive and financially - not exactly abusive but he thinks he is the dogs bollocks and that she is a child who can't control her money. He earns more then her and this seems to make it ok for him to say what he likes.
He has a tantrum if she goes out and drinks and won't speak to her for days and constantly accuses her of cheating. For no other reason then he is fundamentally insecure. Also if she was drinking then clearly she can't remember what happened so chances are she cheated on him.... But it's ok for him to go out and get drunk come home throw up etc and she is supposed to be happy about it!
He doesn't do any real housework but when he does he expects a fucking medal of course.
He actually says 'you don't appreciate me' if she isn't offering sex or a blow job when he does do something like cook her dinner.
He got the hump that she is interested in the world cup even though England got knocked out - he was only interested while Italy were in it. As soon as they got knocked out all the games are 'shit games, shit teams'...
She has grown distant from him (unsurprisingly) and after a recent episode of him going out getting steaming drunk, coming home late and being sick she sort of shut down a bit and he just got moody cos 'he did nothing wrong' and so he text her saying she was being weird and basically to go fuck herself if she could t be normal. There was no 'let's fix it, why are you upset' stuff. Just 'your being weird and I don't like it'
Anyway, she left! Hurrah! She packed and left.
All of a sudden (as soon as he finds out she has gone) he needs to tell her about some huge family emergency but he can only tell her face to face..... He leaves messages crying begging pleading. Promising the earth. 'I can't live without you' and she meets him and hangs around long enough to be convinced to 'give him one last chance'
He still hasn't told her what the family emergency was... I don't think she will ever find out what it was cos it was another of his stupid fucking cunty games to control and manipulate her....
I'm so annoyed that she has gone back. I'm so frustrated! I know from personal experience that it will be harder next time and that she just needed to make that break and stay away. And also that he will get worse. He now knows he can control her and sweet talk her through almost anything and that she will keep giving in.
So upset. I'm 30 weeks pregnant so my hormones are all up aswell but I can't stand him. I was so relieved when she left him... God knows how long it will take to get her to that point again. It's a waste of her life.

Rant over. Thanks if you read this far. Thanks even more if you reply! I just needed to get it out I think.

OP posts:
YouAreMyRain · 03/07/2014 23:01

She is lucky that you are watching her back. For some reason, right now she wants to be with him. Try and hang in there for her because he will try and isolate her even further. I know how hard it is when a loved one us apparently choosing to be mistreated. You cannot change that but feel free to rant here.

justiceofthePeas · 03/07/2014 23:08

Don't give up on her.
She left him once she can do it again.

And he is abusing her.
this is abuse. It will get worse.

If she is in the right frame of mind get her to google the cycle of abuse. She has just been 'hoovered' (sucked back in).

Hopefully she is in no rush to have kids. He will get worse.

But most people take more than one go to leave. (Partly making sure that yes, they really are the twunt you thought they were).

Remind her always it us not her fault. She does not make him jealous/angry/controlling/patronising.

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