Ok not really sure what I expect you to say about this really, just want to vent I think. And see what would you do? Story is:
My granny is in her 90s, she is and always has been a very difficult lady. She is text book narcissist, and over the years my mum has gone no contact a few times. I have always been in contact but she doesn't treat me the way she does my mum, I am happy to have some contact, albeit distant and mainly by phone with occasional visits. My uncle moved to canada as soon as he could many years ago (you can imagine why). My granny lives in Scotland as does my mum. I live in london. She has no other family nearby.
Last year granny had a fall and broke her hip, mum was round a lot, really helped sort things out and, as normal when granny was vulnerable, things were ok ish, but as she got back on her feet granny's behaviour deteriorated. To confuse things this time her memory was clearly getting difficult which worried us both. Last autumn there was another narc incident, mum went nc again -rightly to look after herself although she found this a hard decision given granny's health. I have had sporadic contact over the last few months and not for a bit. I try to be neutral but my sympathies are really with my mum and I try not to get drawn in with Granny (who in classic fashion has been telling the whole village where she lives a load of lies about my mum to explain the nc).
Ok just had a call from my granny, who has today had a diagnosis of Alzheimer's, early stages. She is clearly upset, and clearly still refusing to see why my mum is nc. She is scared and vulnerable, and still a narc ! I'm going to have to tell my mum, but I don't want to, I don't want to enable any shit but I also don't want my granny to be alone. Although she has got care and support in place but no family there iykwim. I love my granny even though I don't like her really and I especially don't like what she does to my mum!
There isn't a good answer to this is there ? Granny will go downhill, my mum will feel awful whether I do or don't tell her what the diagnosis is and whether she does or doesn't get back in touch. And I live miles away and can't really do anything anyway!
Sorry this is long. Any viper thoughts?