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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

i just need a hand to hold

4 replies

middleagecrisis · 03/07/2014 21:42

I know in the grand scheme of things that getting through this is nothing compared to what others are going through. But to me I'm heartbroken. I know I have posted before and had issues with partner. It's been so hard for the last while due to his stress in building new career. I knew I was on back boiler in his terms and knew career came first. some days he was amazing and others I knew to not ask for much. He is not good with expressing feelings but is good at complaining about things and blaming others. This is what's hurting the most here.
I have tried so hard to make it easy for him. He feels he has. But in the back of my mind i'm always thinking he'll do his usual and get fed up and bored and just look for escapism. He does this a lot when things get tough. I knew everyone does in some manner but he seems to look for it from females. He has done this before. No matter what I say it obviously isn't enough.
Today I realised this and I told him after all these years and things not moving forward that ithad to end. He thought it was me just calling bluff, as we have had this before and got over it. But I am tired of expecting normal relationship behaviour. I'm tired of waiting for something bad tohappen. I know this is something I have to work on but unfortunately he has a bad habit of old wandering eye and attention seeking. I have no doubt he has been faithful but to me , making me feel that I can't trust him is something he should beaware of and work on it. No smoke without fire.
So he told me if that was how I feel then that was my decision.
He let me go so easily. I am heartbroken and know thatpart of him is angry here and won't express how he feels. I tried every avenue and explained why and he said sure if that's what you think then you're ending it , not me.
So I have to leave. I can't be with someone who I can't fully trust. I can't bewith someone that I don't fully believe loves me and would never hurt me. He has sworn he wouldn't but I don't believe him. I think his own needs always come first. Hence i'll be hurt.
I love this man and I hoped to have a future with him. But today I had to end it because I couldn't go on feeling this way no matter how much I love him. I can't stop thinking i'll never see him again and it hurts so much. I have had physical pain and worse things to get through but this hurts in a way that my head wants to explode and I just can't seem to see past tmrw. It's horrible. I know i'm tough but this isn't how I saw things going. I want to ring him and say I have made a mistake butI can't. My head won't let me. I have told nobody in real life as I don't want it to feel totally real yet. I just needed to write it out.

OP posts:
something2say · 03/07/2014 22:52

Aww so sorry love.

I will sit with you and hold your hand. Big deep breath. He sounds not good enough for you in the least. You do deserve love and happiness. When the hurt fades, you may look back at him and wonder what you ever saw!

Xx

giraffescantboogie · 04/07/2014 00:01

Thinking of you x

UnlikelyAmazonian · 04/07/2014 00:12

Are you still up? Another to hold your hand here. Wine Cake

Sounds like you have made absolutely the right decision. You don't trust him and that alone is enough to end any relationship.

The pain is hideous I know but I promise, promise, promise you, it goes. The very fact that he just lets you walk speaks volumes.

And even if he's not able to 'express emotions' - well, that's his problem now, and someone else's. Not yours. Hurrah. Do you really want to spend a lifetime second guessing him and feeling the icy rush of his emotional constipation?

You have given your all. Time to rest, recuperate, cry if you like and rebuild now. Leeches like this man suck you dry and leave you drained of any sense of self. Get out, keep it small to start with - do you have one or two friends to lean on? Family?

middleagecrisis · 04/07/2014 10:16

Thank you ladies, even when I read the other threads which are even more distressing for some women, I still can't get over what is happening to me. I can clearly see the rationale side to others but so hardwhen you are in your own. It's like all sense of reasoning and objectiveness goes out the window and you just think of the hurt/sadnesss of it all. I know I'll get through it but we have done no contact before and he has bombarded me with anger/frustration/hurt/love.. every emotion and I gave in and went back. I am not ready toadmit to anyone in real life yet. I see it as a failure and i'm not ready to have people give me the 'I told you so' look just yet.

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