I know in the grand scheme of things that getting through this is nothing compared to what others are going through. But to me I'm heartbroken. I know I have posted before and had issues with partner. It's been so hard for the last while due to his stress in building new career. I knew I was on back boiler in his terms and knew career came first. some days he was amazing and others I knew to not ask for much. He is not good with expressing feelings but is good at complaining about things and blaming others. This is what's hurting the most here.
I have tried so hard to make it easy for him. He feels he has. But in the back of my mind i'm always thinking he'll do his usual and get fed up and bored and just look for escapism. He does this a lot when things get tough. I knew everyone does in some manner but he seems to look for it from females. He has done this before. No matter what I say it obviously isn't enough.
Today I realised this and I told him after all these years and things not moving forward that ithad to end. He thought it was me just calling bluff, as we have had this before and got over it. But I am tired of expecting normal relationship behaviour. I'm tired of waiting for something bad tohappen. I know this is something I have to work on but unfortunately he has a bad habit of old wandering eye and attention seeking. I have no doubt he has been faithful but to me , making me feel that I can't trust him is something he should beaware of and work on it. No smoke without fire.
So he told me if that was how I feel then that was my decision.
He let me go so easily. I am heartbroken and know thatpart of him is angry here and won't express how he feels. I tried every avenue and explained why and he said sure if that's what you think then you're ending it , not me.
So I have to leave. I can't be with someone who I can't fully trust. I can't bewith someone that I don't fully believe loves me and would never hurt me. He has sworn he wouldn't but I don't believe him. I think his own needs always come first. Hence i'll be hurt.
I love this man and I hoped to have a future with him. But today I had to end it because I couldn't go on feeling this way no matter how much I love him. I can't stop thinking i'll never see him again and it hurts so much. I have had physical pain and worse things to get through but this hurts in a way that my head wants to explode and I just can't seem to see past tmrw. It's horrible. I know i'm tough but this isn't how I saw things going. I want to ring him and say I have made a mistake butI can't. My head won't let me. I have told nobody in real life as I don't want it to feel totally real yet. I just needed to write it out.