What was/is your relationship like?

[Celestria]

How was it at the beginning? How is it now? Do you argue and if so how do you argue. How often?

Just curiosity. I don't think there is such a thing as a normal relationship but would like to hear stories

Met 1996, married 2003. My husband is a really nice bloke, in all ways. For that reason I believe we will be married forever and have pretty much always been happy and content together.

I have been with DP for nearly four years. We are very happy together, share similar SOH and aspirations, desperately trying to conceive a second child so are a little caught up with that at the moment! Can't see is ever breaking up.

How is your relationship?

Met OH 3 1/2 years ago.
First it was just about sex.
Very on off relationship.
Then about a year ago, really fell in love with each other and have a lovely relationship now.
We don't argue.
I just don't see the point. He was in a very co-dependent relationship before me and they argued and shouted all the time. She still does and it upsets the kids but not much I can do about a 40+ year old woman yelling like a spoilt child.

I believe that as educated grown-ups you can sit down and talk things through.

It was the same with my Ex who I was with for 16+ years. Never argued. But often sat down with lists and went through things that were bugging us (well, that was me mostly). That's one of the reasons my poor DD was so shocked when we split up.

Her words 'But you never argue or yell at each other'!

Happy in 2006 when we got together, very much in love now 8 years later... More so in last 12 months than ever before!
Rarely argue or disagree, pine for each other when separated but do manage to have individual social lives

Only been with my partner 10mo this but it's diff from any other relationship that I've ever been in, we support each other, enjoy each other's company but happy to do out own thing too, he's amazing with my son, we get in each others nerves at times (but who doesn't) but we never fight, can honestly say I've met the man of my dreams :)

Very fiery to start with, horrendous arguments for the first year or so mainly due to both of us being selfish and thoughtless.

7 years later, 1 wedding , 2 dc later and we are stronger and more in love than ever and well and truly over our stupidness.

Dc made us grow up and learn to respect each other

My relationship ended four days ago. It's been eleven months and it's been very on and off. My ex never mentions when he is upset over something. He keeps quiet then when he has a drink it comes out and usually ends in us finishing. He then takes time out for a few days and we get back together.

Some people say this is abusive. Some say it's not that unusual. I also dont tell him when I am unhappy because I don't want an argument and for him to walk out. He is older and says he won't argue. He doesn't like it so just leaves.

I have issues with rejection and abandonment and tend to overreact when he finishes with me. I get very distressed. I see that as my issue though.

Basically when does behaviour become abusive? What's the norm in a relationship?

We do love each other and today he has said he would like to talk. That is different from his normal behaviour after a fall out. I want to talk too and see if we can sort things through.

I suppose I was just curious to see if anyone else had a rocky start but things turned out fine in the end.

I don't think frequent breaking up is healthy in a relationship.
You should be able to discuss issues, even having fights, without being in such a roller coaster.

I have been in two relationships and by 11 months on there was nothing of this.

ExH did threaten to leave during the marriage a few times, and the last I told him he could go. He didn't, but I left fairly soon after.

If you want to talk to him now, I would be telling him in no uncertain terms that the next time he breaks up it will be for good.

But, honestly, I think you should move on from this.

Met in 2012, married in 2013. DH is awesome, I love him to bits. Up until three weeks ago (when DD was born) we rarely argued, maybe only two or three actually rows, we did disagree at other times of course. The last three weeks were really really difficult. With a newborn it really put our relationship to the test and we bickered much more than I thought we would, it was awful really. These past few days we've got back on track though I think and I'm hopeful we'll be ok.

I've been married 20 years. We probably have a really big shouty argument every two years. I can remember about 10 altogether. He really 'gets' me and always seem to know what I am thinking which can actually be quite annoying. We have the same type of sense of humour and both love travelling. We have a similar educational background which is quite important to me. I'd had boyfriends in the past who made me feel a bit stupid and others whom I fancied but couldn't really get into good discussions with. We never argue about money it just seems to sort itself out. He spoils me a lot and sometimes I have to be careful what I say because he will go and get me whatever I mentioned. Years ago we had a lovely house but I casually remarked I loved the house but the kitchen being at the front isn't quite right, a few months later we had moved to a house with a kitchen at the back.

My ex and I also have a lot in common. It's almost like he is the male version of me. We have exactly the same tastes in food. Similar tastes in music. We both play pool and poker. We like the same program's. Same sense of humour and want similar things in life. I had never met anyone I clicked with so much. I fell for him hard to be honest.

It has only been eleven months though and I know that's not long. The splits tended to coincide with me time of the month. I suffer from PMDD and have a lot of issues I am dealing with from childhood that make me quite insecure which can upset him as sometimes I think I can be passive aggressive and make comments that he will leave or am very sensitive to criticism. What I am trying to say is that neither of us are perfect. He hasn't had an easy time of it either regarding relationships so maybe it's silly to think we would have a smooth sailing relationship.

I think the main problem is a lack of communication on both sides for insecurity reasons and both afraid to be hurt. Whether it's time that will help or if it's flogging a dead horse.

Have you had any help with your PMDD Celestria?

Met in highschool, I was 13 and he was 15. Married 4 years later and he is still the love of my life after 16 years.

Yes we argue, we argue about stupid little things like leaving socks on the bathroom floor and we argue about big things like him working fucking awful shifts and coming home with a broken nose and two black eyes and upsetting the kids.

An argument can constitute to 5 or 10 mins od disagreement and raised voices or half an hour of screaming at eachother, plate throwing and someone slamming doors and storming off out or driving off in a huff.

The important thing is not about the argument - its about the desire to bugger off and cool down, think it through and come back and say "I was an arse but so where you" and sort it out. I love him and I am still in love with him just as much as I was back in highschool if not more.

I am on antidepressants chicken. Sertraline which is meant to help PMDD. I also had the coil fitted however I am considering having it removed as I don't believe it's helping. I could only have the mini pill before that as I am so sensitive to contraception

On the run up to that time of the month I don't get angry. I can get very down and can become quite clingy and a bit paranoid/insecure. I seek a fair bit of reassurance at that time. I can also be really sensitive and cry easily. The rest of the time I'm just normal as such and fine.

That sounds tough for you Celestria

It's not fun chicken. My mum has it too it can run in families. Before the antidepressants I could have a lot of suicidal thoughts at that time but as soon as the flow starts it's like nothing ever happened. I must be one of the rare women that actually look forward to starting.

I also have a pattern of becoming insecure when the newness of a relationship wears off and things start to settle down. It's like I panic over the change and convince myself he must be losing interest.

I sound like really hard work don't i. But I am very good to him too. I cook him lovely meals for when he finishes work and make soups for lunch. Treat him to steak and films that he likes on a Friday. I do all the housework and never expect him to help out. If he tries I don't let him as I like doing it. I get a lot of satisfaction in the cooking and cleaning. We have a laugh and get on great most of the time.

He tends to get a bit funny when there is a full moon. That probably sounds crazy but he gets edgy at that time in a month. Like male pmt or something.

He was very good to me during my breakdown earlier in the year. Drive me to my counselling. Helped pay for it. Supported me through a fall out with my family.

I think we both have things to work on. I want to make sure it all gets discussed tonight and if it's too much for us both to handle then we stay apart. At the same time if we both think issues can be overcome I don't want to be going through another split a few months later. A line has to be drawn somewhere for both our sakes.

I hope you work it out

It may be "nobody's fault", but that you are not exactly right for each other relationship-wise. It looks like you'd need someone more supportive.

I hope it does work out too.

I am hoping we can work it out too. He means a lot to me and we have both had a fair bit of hardship. I don't want to walk away until it either becomes detrimental to both of us or we have at the very least talked.

I'm very interested to read your symptoms Celestria as I am having a terrible time at my time of the month too, and literally as soon as it starts I feel normal again. Am going to google it now.

Rose normally doctors don't diagnose straight away. Some ask for you to keep a mood journal. I was diagnosed quickly as I was able to identify many huge problems that arose over the course of years from that time of the month. I used to start getting down not long after ovulation and the next week and a half get worse and worse.

My symptoms were

Worsening relationships at that time
Suicidal thoughts with no real reason why
My moods went from very up to very down almost on an hourly basis
Very tearful
Very needy and insecure
Making big decisions
Insomnia
Feelings of worthlessness

Things have improved with antidepressants but any contraceptive made me worse. The only one I could have was the mini pill as it was single hormone and taken constantly so controlled my hormone levels well.

PMDD is basically like an extreme reaction to the dipping hormone levels after you ovulate.

Met 2009, lived together within 6 months even though I know that's a pretty dim thing to do on paper , married in 2013.

Never really had a proper argument. Bicker over normal things people bicker over. Very happy. Never had a day where I didn't wake up and think he was ace. Long may it continue.

Been together for two years amd married for three months
As you might expect we're still very happy and in a romantic place but I think there will always be a foundation of happiness, for want of a better phrase, as we're both nice people who are slow to anger, laid back and reasonable so if we disagree then it remains calm and rational.

We also laugh a lot, are kind to each other and fancy the pants of each other too

In terms of flaws, dh can be more of a bottler and I tend to want to discuss things now. We're both untidy with a tendency to procrastinate but I'm worse. We have similar attitude to money which helps massively.

Been together 4 years (next week). I love her to bits. Only thing we ever argue about is her nasty, selfish, dirty daughter. 21 years-old, never cleans-up after herself, in fact doesn't ever lift a finger to help around the house, is extremely rude to her Mother and lives with us rent-free. How do I go about kicking her out?