I see ex so much in the kids

[Sorrowing]

NC for this, as I am deeply ashamed.

ExH and I parted on really bad terms, the kids have stayed with me. We are coping pretty well on the whole. My problem is that sometimes they remind me so strongly of him that I can feel myself mentally pulling away from them, even though I love them so much.

I am certain they don't have any idea of this, and I kiss and cuddle them as much as ever. It just really cuts me up, when it happens somehow they don't feel like my children. It feels like he is still constantly here and I feel it is stopping us moving on with our lives.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? Did things ever get better?

Physical or personality similarities? You won't be able to do anything about the physical ones, and you may struggle with the personality ones.

Don't feel bad, I'm sure it's natural to feel this way. In time these feelings may fade. Have you been separated from your ex for long?

Sorry I don't have any experience of what you're going through.

Can you see yourself in them? Try to concentrate on those traits if you can.

Both.

We have been separated for a year now.

DS sometimes reminds me of ex.
For example, how he twists what he said or did to fit his argument. Doing my best to curtail it, although I suppose many children are likely to do the same. But it worries me.

I think you need to work on accepting what your ex has been in your life. And let go of your anger about him. I don't mean being friends with him, but accepting that he was the way he was as if it was physical.
And, yes, concentrate on how much they remind you of you and their unique features.

Yeah and it can be a bit annoying! (probably worse for my ex though as both the kids are absolutely spitting images of me)

But if you are starting to pull away from them on occasion because of it perhaps its time to see a counsellor and nip this in the bud?