Advice greatly appreciated from other single mothers :)

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi all,

I wasn't really getting anywhere on my previous thread I started! So it would be wonderful to hear your experiences of going it alone. I know it won't be an easy journey (I don't think the father will play a part in this) but would be interested to hear if the father did ever come round? And just your general experiences?

Many thanks

Cherry x

I had to go it alone when my DD was 11.
That was tough for sure.
Ex moved to another country so I was left to it basically.
He doesn't pay maintenance or towards the house.
Nothing.
But we've coped and got on with things.
She doesn't particularly like her dad but she is now coming round.
She's spending some time over there with him so he can't be that bad.

It's a very different situation to yours though.
You are well prepared and have loads of support so you'll be just fine.

There are lots of women on here who's DP left when they were pregnant or baby was very young.
So I'm sure they will be along soon to reassure you.

Congrats again on pregnancy. Hope it all goes smoothly for you.

Thanks! I know I'm in a fortune position having the support I do. If I didn't I would fall apart!

Sounds like you had a rough ride you poor thing :(

A friend of mine is a single mother and was with the father at the time, but he may as well of been absent! She was dragged through the courts sadly, and I have been chatting to her a lot. The own resounding thing is despite everything they wouldn't change their life for the world!

I am excited but anxious (prob my hormones playing a part in that!) x

If by 'came round' you mean acknowledge his child then yes. Become father of the year and want a relationship, no. (I didn't want one either). I spent my whole pregnancy and first 11 months stressing about why he just wasn't bothered about the baby (he smashed his phone up after I told him about the birth so I couldn't contact him, he didn't meet his son for three weeks etc etc). I always say my one regret is wasting my energy trying to get him to do what was right. They will either do it or not. Just concentrate on you.

I'm not trying to contact him, he knows where to get I touch of he wants more information! Wow smashing his phone up! Mine hung up on me twice that was enough for me! But I don't think he will come round though due to his plans to want to live in Australia.

Hi OP. Congrats on the pregnancy

My situation is a bit different to yours. I was with exP throughout the pg but he was useless so I broke up with him when DS was 6 months.

It hasn't been impossibly difficult by any means. I live with my mum (am only 20) and still manage to stick out Uni & teacher training (only one year left) so not at all impossible to go back to work etc. I feel better off without him, he was like a big black cloud when he was around.

His attitude hasn't changed towards DS unfortunately. (Big issues with MH)
I hope your ex comes round

On my own since dd 1 was 2 and dd2 was 7 months. Amazingly hard but wonderful in equal measures. There's nothing I can't do- I feel like my strength knows no bounds! On the days when I struggle, there's chocolate. my girls are amazing.

God luck and congrats!

Fell pregnant, told the father, he wanted nothing to do with either me or the baby. Went through it all alone, gave birth 6 years ago next week, and it really was an awesome experience, still is! DD's father has never met her but has walked past her a few times. He has his 'first' daughter now but DD and I are super happy...also I'm getting married to her daddy in 9 weeks and she's walking me down the aisle and giving me to him

I loved being a lone parent, was great

You'll be fine. I think what you realise is that men are not particularly needed. One thing I loved was that I was not as tired as all my friends who did have partners. I slept when my baby slept, I didn't have to tidy up if I didn't feel like it, I didn't have to cook or clean for someone else because I'd "been at home all day" and I could make every decision by myself (my preferred modus operandi). You know, nearly 6 years later and I'm still single. It would have to be someone seriously special to be allowed into my happy little life.

I was lucky in that I was in my 30's, owned my own home and had a lot of family support and my child's father has also sorted himself out and turned into a brilliant dad. Though I would have been perfectly fine if he hadn't stepped up to the mark.

One thing I would say is never be bitter. No matter how feckless he is, he's still the father of your child whether he/she ever gets to know him.

Are the ex's parents likely to be supportive/helpful? There is a strong belief that the child needs psychologically to know both sides of the family. I think we all know that really no contact is sometimes better, but if they are likely to be reasonable then perhaps it would be good to consider dealing with them.

I hope you are feeling well. At your stage I was just starting with nausea but all I can say is that despite some rocky times it was really worth it {was in a partnership, so not equivalent, just that having a child is wonderful}

I've had no choice but to go it alone.

I wont go into detail here, i'm going to post a thread of my own today, but DS father hasn't even met him and denies DS is even his.

I've had nearly five wonderful and sometimes difficult years of being a single parent and have had lots of support from my own family. It gets tiring when you're the only one doing the parenting, and I feel sorry for DS that he only has his mum and not his dad but he is a prefectly happy and well-rounded little boy.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, i hope everything works out well for you, ultimately if the father chooses not to be a part of it, it will be his loss.

Hi OP, congrats!

I got pregnant after a fling with an ex, I found out he had a girlfriend when I told him I was pregnant so I resigned myself to the single parent life from day one.

It was very hard and hormones certainly don't help! The worst thing I found throughout the pregnancy and since dd was born (she's 3 now) was not having anyone to share the good times with. I was alone with her the first time she kicked, rolled over, walked and talked and I just remember this awful feeling I had when there was no one to look over to and enjoy the moment with.
90% of the photos of me and dd are selfies as there was rarely anyone else there to take a photo of us. It's the little things like that that can make it feel like a very lonely experience.

Having said that, dd is a wonderful, happy, intelligent little girl and when I get compliments from strangers about her and her behaviour I can revel in the pride because I know I raised her all by myself.
Lots of things are easier because you know what's been done, what needs to be done and how you like to do it. Things are done your way and there's no arguing or compromising with a partner.

Just make sure you have a strong support network and a birth partner you can rely on. You'll need support but you don't need the father for that.

It will seem impossible at times and relentless most of the time but there will be moments when your child does something and you realise that despite what you think, you're doing a great job without him :)

As for when the dc is older, I'll let you know about that! Dd is just starting to ask and 'worry' about her dad. She has contact with him now and again but needs constant reassurance that he loves her and is thinking about her. It's really quite heart breaking to watch but I'm trying to explain it the best I can to her :)

Good luck xxx

I agree with wetthe the worst is not sharing the special moments. Friends/family just aren't the same. Ex left while I was pregnant, all the kicks etc I had alone and no one that cared about it as much as I did. I'd think of the pictures of the man hugging his partner, hands on belly, all happy and hold my bump myself. It was actually a pretty miserable time and tainted the whole pregnancy. I can't ever forgive ex for planning the pregnancy and then ruining the experience after.

I was lucky in that DP and I got together when DS was 6 months old. He's the best dad. He's seen me battle with ex to show interest (still doesn't and I've stopped trying) and I've seen him battle with his ex to be included with his DD (she's still blocking). We've both seen the ugly side and we're very happy to know that when our DS is born, even if things go tits up, we'll never act they way out exes have.

Ex is on the birth certificate as I thought it important that DS knows his heritage, though we are looking to obtaining PR for DP too.

DS has occasional contact (birthdays/Christmas/Easter) with uncles and cousins on exes side which I have welcomed.

It isn't easy, it can be incredibly lonely but it's not the end of the world to be a single parent.