Trying to understand my brother

[MarmiteMania]

My brother and I have elderly parents. He went to live east coast USA some years back and now has a young family there. Things have been very tough financially for him and life has been hard. He is now moving his family to the west coast with his work.

I understand, am happy for him and hope so much that life gets better for him. But he has no idea when, if ever, he will be able to come and visit our family again. My parents would love to go but it's hugely expensive and an awful long journey for their age.

I guess I am upset and angry with him for not even going through the motions of saying to me "Sorry I will not be around for our parents and it will all be down to you". Am I being selfish to feel this?

Are your parents in ill health?

Return tickets from America are expensive, he probably can't afford it just for a visit.

He may choose to move back if they get ill?

They are not in ill health at the moment but they are well beyond eighty and he has made it clear that he will not ever be moving back. Maybe the old saying's true: 'A son's a son till he finds a wife..a daughter's a daughter for the rest of her life'. Guess they're lucky they have me and dh who would have them living with us with pleasure. I guess I'm just a wee bit disappointed in him.

I understand what it's like to be the sibling who is closest geographically to aging parents, but in fairness your brother took a decision to move to the US for a better life for him, and it's resulted in him being permanently located there. Not unreasonable.

Just throwing a few suggestions into the ring - could your parents afford to travel to visit (treating themselves to upper class, or even business class if possible to make the journey more bearable)? Could they afford to pay for your brother and family to come to UK for a visit? Would you consider chipping in for your brother's family to come? I realise, of course, that all of these might be out of the question, in which case all I can suggest is to introduce them all to the wonders of Skype and encourage them to keep in regular contact like that. And keep your fingers crossed that the move to the West coast will result in more $$s available for your brother's family to make the trip to UK.

No, you're not selfish for being a bit disappointed, but things can change a lot in a few years, he may surprise you.

But if not, then yes, your parents are lucky to have you.