Tactless or sinister? Or am I just overthinking things?

[DirkGentlysSecretary]

H yesterday "Sometimes I don't want to be with you."

H today "So I was out shopping and got talking to this woman, anyway she gave me her email address and I came home and tried to email her but she must have made a mistake as the email address didn't work."

First is not trivial, 2nd is but it just feels a bit hurtful that one day he's doubting our relationship and the next day he's chatting to some woman and getting her email address. I know that in itself is probably fine, and probably people do meet at random and just swap contact details but the timing really sucks for me.

Can I have a slap to sort me out and some calming words?

It's not just the first that is cause for concern.

The second is beyond odd. He just got talking to a woman and exchanged email addresses? Really? That's not normal. What is normal is that you give a slightly wrong email address or phone number to some bloke who is making unwelcome advances. And said bloke runs home to tell his wife about it?

You don't need a slap. He does.

First is bad.

Second is bad because he probably making it up. If you chat to someone and want to keep in touch you swap phone numbers not e-mail addresses.

He needs the slap he's a dickhead.

He is telling you bollox. However what he saying is contrived to hurt you. He's a knob and you deserve better.

Why are you with him?

You certainly don't need a slap! You need a hug :(

What he's said & done is totally unacceptable, in my eyes.

My DP & I have been together for over 9 years & I trust him wholeheartedly with no shadow of a doubt but I'd feel completely uneasy if he just randomly swapped any form of contact details with some random woman he'd just met. That's not normal & rings alarm bells to me.

you don't need a slap, he does!

First is, well, it's not at all great but it slightly depends on the context I guess. Middle of a flaming row or just a casual comment, there would be a difference for me giving massive benefit of the doubt though

Second - seriously? What a dick.

Both together? I'd be having very serious words with this man and would want to know wtf he thinks he's playing at.

He is being cruel. Are you considering leaving him?

I read that incident as "made a pest of himself to some woman and she gave him a fake email to get rid of him." Your h is behaving like a fool.

He's playing silly bastard mind games with you. Second one is a load of bollocks IMO. That is really really manipulative and low. He's just trying to hurt you.

You need a hug and he needs a slap!

It's not ok to be treated like this you deserve better.

Arse arse arse :(

He doesn't seem to be making it up as he says she didn't have her phone so she put her email address into his phone.

OK, from what I can make out - he's not British, she's his nationality so they noticed each other then talked, she invited him to a mum&baby group for their nationality. He got her email address. So not as random as I first worried! This is the 2nd time, a few months ago he met a woman in a similar way, she "insisted"on exchanging numbers.

Sorry that reads like a massive drip feed - I would much rather not have to feel anxious about this

Then she is just being friendly-mum and baby group-not exactly cocktails fir two.
Or when challenged he put a bullshit address in.
Or he pestered her and she put in bollox email in to get rid of him.
He is still being a cruel arse.

No, no, no. It is still random & certainly strange. Especially now you mention it's the second time this similar thing has happened. Serious alarm bells. I hate to be so blunt :( But you really do deserve better. I certainly wouldn't put up with this behaviour!

What do you hope happens next? Are you planning to leave or what's your thoughts?

Oh god. I just thought there were all these incredibly pushy women around who find my husband irresistible and throw their numbers at him. May that not be the case? Seriously in "real life" he comes across as really shy and not interested in people. Where does he find these very sociable women?

Lovely. Now he's really pissed off with me. Apparently I'm controlling and I don't let him make any friends.

I think I just suck at being married

You don't need a slap, you are not controlling, he's being weird and rude and inappropriate!

He doesn't. He's making them up to be cruel to you. He's an arsehole.
Even if he innocently got a social invitation, there's a world of difference between telling you he met someone of his nationality etc, and him gloating / twisting knife about a woman giving him an email address.
What was his attitude?

Chances are you suck at being married to an arsehole.

This behaviour is deliberate. The aim is to make you afraid that he will leave you. What he wants is for you to focus your whole life on pleasing him. Whether what he wants is more sex, not to have to do any domestic work, or more spending money, this behaviour is designed to make you submissive and grateful to have him.

Does he come from a woman-hating culture, by any chance?

Agree with sgb. He sounds like a horrible man. He is manipulating you op. :(

I posted on your previous threads, DirkG. Your H is controlling, unpleasant and unkind. He also lies in order to upset you and your DC. This is just another example of the same behaviour :(

It's very unlikely random women are so thrilled by him they foist phone numbers and email addresses on him.