tell me what is happening please

[whatsallthisthe]

we have had weeks of mentionitis and yesterday, the female work colleague comes to sunday lunch. she is cold, arrogant, no eye contact, largely ignored me. was very good with DD (6). touchy with DH, kissed him goodbye- but not me.
They have worked together in various companies (small expertise thing) she works in a mans environment.
I feel very needy, very insecure, tearful today thouh not yesterday. not sure what to think

You already know.

Wtf. She came to your house and ignored you?
Scrap that. She came to your house?!

he invited her and someone else (a bloke) who cancelled. I have take 3 lorezapam to calm down. I am a stay at home mum. hae followed him out to US because of his job. He has kicked off cos I said I want to go home early (school breaks up ere this week). all her friends have gone elsewhere (international school). it is only a matter of a week or so before we wre supposed to go (9th). he gets so horrible. tells me I can't look after DD properly (I am bipolar) also other physical issues. I feel trapped, bullied and stupid

Sometimes the obvious answer is the correct one. I think this is one of those times.

Well, stop feeling trapped, bullied and stupid. You haven't done anything wrong. Feel angry and full of self-righteous indignation.
Take some deep breaths and recognise that he's a bastard and she's a bitch. Am I allowed to say that or will the powers that be email me?
Anyway, there you are, that's my opinion.
Now find the threads that tell you what to collect to get ready for the split.
Think 'cold, hard, relentless' and make that your model. 'Everything you can possibly get' is what you want, to secure yours and dd's future.
Don't waste your life forgiving him or believing a word he says.
He's not expecting you to be ready to fight for your future. Get a solicitors appointment. Get moving.

I mean this gently, but do you think your opinion of her coldness to you may be related to the 3 lorezapam you took before meeting her? Isn't paranoia one of its side effects?

took the lorazepam this morning. not yesterday. ta for asking anyway

Oh, sorry! I misunderstood.

You're not trapped and and stupid! Bullied I would agree with from what you have described. Although he has demonstrated just how stupid he is. If you can't come back to the UK early just come back as planned. But don't return to the US with him. You'd be better off here in penury than over there isolated, abused and humiliated by him.

whatsallthisthe, its easy for me to say 'don't feel this, feel that!' because it was all 25 years ago for me. I know you must feel like the world is crashing down around your ears. If you're coming home on the ninth, let him think nothing is changing, but make your plans for when you return to the uk.
I've been thinking of you. Do you have family in the UK who will give you some moral support?

yeah. sort of. they won't be much help but at home I am on my own turf. I could get myself with my feet under me.
he rang and said of course nothing is going on......

Can you pack some stuff and send it air freight now, to save coming back for it?

he rang. assured me nothing going on. .....

Yeah we'll he would say nothing is going on.

God, what a shit. My ex husband did he exact same thing. Even down to her coming for Sunday lunch! She was a rude bitch to me too!

Six months later I found explicit texts. He still said I was mental.

I wish I'd trusted my gut.

edie how long had they known each other

you see I am officially mental. bi polar plus othe things physically buggered. this random bacterial vaginosis has turned up. people assure me it not an sti but some sites say it is due to multiple partners....not me

awww sunshine. Look I think you need to get away, go home.

It is easier to see things as they are from a distance. Go home and get some RL support.

I really do wonder if a lot of your problems are due to your relationship?
I have been there, have the hat, T shirt and the self harming scars to remind me. Getting away was the best thing I did.

Not long. He started at a new company in September. By Christmas is heard this woman's name a thousand times. She started being incmvited to dinner at ours with other colleagues. The Sunday lunch was in February. Shortly after that he started comparing me unfavourably to her. I found texts that summer. By the December he was living with her.

I had to have the ow for Sunday lunch too. Is this a thing?

You have my sympathies, he doesn't sound as though he's treating you kindly.

I'm officially mental too btw, hideous depression. Don't beat yourself up, it's not you, it's him.

Sunday lunch with the OW is obviously a thing. I had the same exh met her at training and mentioned her too often for my comfort and I am ex military so very used to cross gender clise friendships. So I told him in a joking manner that he sounded like he had a crush which led to an invite. She was a cold rude cow to me but all over Dd and lots of in jokes with exh. They got together but he did the same to her, she even messaged me a few years later to ask about warning signs!
Take the advice and plan not to go back after the holiday and make a new life where you are not made to feel paranoid for following your gut.

this is all reassuring in the right way. just had a dose of the shits I am so wound up

How are you feeling today?

I am feeling much better. More assured by him. I do trust him and I do love him and he listened to my fears and agreed that she was a rude bitch but there was nothing more than a work colleague. she is leaving in a week.
so that's how it is for now. on firmer ground. I hope I don't have to come here and eat all these words. I really do