How to stop looking for the 'lust' connection

[Hesaysshewaffles]

Sorry for rubbish title. I was in a casual relationship with a guy who I fancied like crazy. I experienced an electric chemistry for the first time ever. And when we were together I was kind of mesmerised by him, made me go weak at the knees.

I'm now doing OLD and been on some dates but I keep looking for that electric chemistry that I had previously. I recently met a guy and we clicked personality wise but I don't fancy him in the same way that I did the last guy.

Am I being realistic? Do I need a kick up the ass?

I don't think you should sell yourself short on the chemistry, no. Obviously it's got to be part of a more complete package or else, once the shagging stops, there's basically nothing keeping you together. But I think it's as big a mistake to assume that the opposite of 'electric chemistry' is 'nice personality' and persevere thinking that you'll feel the spark eventually.

Thanks cogito. The guy I had the chemistry with also had a great personality but I ended up getting hurt. I've spent quite a bit of time with the new guy in a short space of time and we get on really great but as soon as we meet I'm dreading the awkwardness if he tries to kiss me. But I don't know if that's nerves?

Who knows? But if you feel uncomfortable at the thought of intimacy it could be that what you've got there is a nice friend but not lover potential. (I have a lot of lovely male friends that applies to) There's no obligation to snog someone just because you get on really great - although the whole OLD set-up means that the expectation is ever hovering in the background. It's OK to say to someone 'I like you as a friend' but that you don't see it going further than that... and they should respect your feelings. Win some, lose some.