Did you dh/dp go 'a bit weird' after your babies were born? And if so...

[mameulah]

...what kind of weird?

And what did you do to resolve it?

After our pfb was born my dh became quite distant to me. He was great with our baby but he seemed a bit reserved. It upset me quite a lot at the time. All good now though.

Our second baby is due any day. Any other experiences or top tips in case we experience something similar?

tia

I don't have direct experience but would suggest, given what happened last time, that you talk before the baby arrives. Does he know he was reserved and what form it took? Does he know specifically what aspects of his behaviour upset you? Can you identify what needs to change this time around? Having children is a very big change in life and it could have been that the first one was a shock to his system, but given that he handled it so badly, pre-empt a repeat performance by talking now and setting out your expectations.

Thanks, I just thought it was a more common thing than people let on. He definitely knows though, that is for sure!

'Distant' can mean a lot of different things and there can be a lot of different motivations for someone behaving that way. Could be the arrival of a new baby & feeling overwhelmed by the extra responsibility or it could have been a complete coincidence, of course. Whether it's commonplace or not there is no excuse for unkindness, insensitivity or any other behaviour that upset you. Glad you're making that clear.

No, Not weird exactly but different yes. After our DS1 was born he had to be away the day after and was only home at weekends for the first few months and he would phone a lot and get moody because he wanted to come home and not be away. He would tell me he felt closer to me than ever but hated being so far away.

Our relationship didn't suffer but he told me after DD1 was born he felt like he was always trying to make up to DS1 the time and things he had missed out on being away so much.

I'd say so. I have read that a mans testosterone level drops by around 25 per cent after a baby. This is to help them bond. I imagine that makes them feel quite strange in themselves.

DDs DF put in more time at the gym to counteract this. Pointless on paper but he wanted to feel more like a man and he said he could definitely feel the difference/loss of power. Not really relevant but goes to show that they also go through hormonal changes.

I think everything changes for men too and they suddenly feel the pressure of having to provide. Regardless of whether you are also providing.

After Ds was born you would have thought it was DH who had given birth. He fussed about like a mother hen. 18 years later he is still fussing over the boys.

DH was always good before the children but he changed in a way I didn't expect. It was like he was the protector of our gang.

Having babies strengthens our relationship.