Think someone fancies me but I don't fancy them back? How do I deal with it without causing hurt feelings and upset?

[Rhine]

I appreciate that I'm going to sound like a 14 year old girl now, but some advice on dealing with the situation without causing upset would be helpful...

A few weeks ago I went to the pub with some friends and acquaintances, One acquaintance brought her older brother who was visiting along. He ended up sitting next to me and I became aware that he'd taken a shine to me. He kept learning at me and trying out really awkward old fashioned chat up lines on me and complimenting me on my clothes and hair etc. I was polite but if I'm honest he made me feel little bit uncomfortable, at the end of the evening I was relieved it was all over and just presumed that was the end of it but yesterday I received a Facebook friend request from him. I was going to ignore it and pretend I'd forgotten who he was, but today his sister sent me a DM asking if I'd seen the request, that he really liked me (having only met and spoken to me once?) and that she thinks I'd get along really well with him.

Now I don't know what to do? He doesn't live locally (thank god), but she does and is someone I see fairly often and is in my "circle" so possibly upsetting her wouldn't be good for me really. I'm not really someone who's used to being fancied, and this is not something I've had to deal with much in the past. I'm not exactly beating them off with a stick, but there was no kind of connection between us and I didn't find him remotely attractive. I've no issues with men and have male friends, but this man really creeped me out and I don't really want him looking at my profile. On the other hand if I reject the request his sister might be annoyed with me.

I've not answered the message and I've not accepted the friends request yet. I've got anxiety issues and this has got my levels really high having been quite clam for the past week.

What the hell do I do? Sorry for sounding like a stupid teenager BTW.

I would tell her you're not looking for anything right now, ignore his friend request and forget about it.

Tell her he's not your type, and you won't friend him so he should get the picture. You could tell get you won't friend him because he is creepy but "so he gets the picture" seems marginally kinder. Assuming they're both semi-normal adults they'll be over it in a couple of days max.

If his sister does get annoyed with you that's her problem, not yours. It's entirely up to you who you fancy and who you friend on FB.

block/ignore his friend request, you are not obliged to accept it just because you are are friends with his sister. If she is annoyed that you didn't accept a friend request from someone you have only met once (so what if he is related to her), she is no friend at all.

I can understand your anxiety but I think I would be feeling quite angry at her sending me a DM asking if I had seen the request and then telling me that he really liked me and that we'd get on. Did you ask her to do a bit of matchmaking for you? I doubt it.

I'd ignore both messages and when you see her face-to-face again, ask her not to assume anything in future (e.g. that you'd get on well with him, that you'd want his as a facebook friend).

If the ridiculous man didn't get the message that you weren't interested when he met you (did you actually give him the brush off or just sit there squirming and being pleasant?) then you're going to have to tell him straight that you're not interested in dating now. He wasn't bothered about making you feel uncomfortable so I don't think you need to worry too much about hurting his feelings.

I think I'll just ignore the request for the time being. I'm racking my brains trying to work out if maybe I've given him the wrong impression somehow. But I was just polite, I didn't really have any proper kind of conversation with him. If maybe understand if we had some kind of connection on some level, but we didn't.

His sister is one of these people who seems to thrive on other peoples misfortune and loves trying to "help" people. I say help, but really IMO she's just a bit of a busybody.

Message his sister back and say that he seemed like a nice enough bloke (did he?) but you wouldn't be interested in anything romantic.

Ignore the request.

Ignore the friends request and don't feel bad about it. I have rejected friends requests from my nieces and nephews and not worried about it, when asked by their mums why I just say i don't think it's necessary. Tell your friend you aren't accepting the request as you are keeping facebook for close friends and family and don't want to lead him on

bragmatic has it spot on, some other pps are a bit too confrontational IMO, if you want to remain friends with her then her dm deserves a reply. If you don't care about remaining friends then feel free to ignore her completely too.

Exactly what bragmatic said.

What bragmatic said. Don't accept the Facebook request or you'll never get rid of him!

Could you tell the sister you've got someone else? It's the one way out of this which absolutely guarantees no hurt feelings whatever.

Don't tell her you think her brother is creepy. Just say you aren't interested at the moment.

Don't let anyone browbeat you into entertaining a suitor you have no interest in. And don't feel guilty. If the tables were turned and you were pursuing him, I suspect you would be put straight very quickly. His sister had absolutely no business saying anything, really.

stopprojecting: I suggested lying, not to spare his feelings, but to protect the OP from comebacks from the suitor or his sister who as you say are borderline creepy already. "Not interested now/at the moment" which have both been suggested are dangerous as implying (to the thick-skinned) "but not ruling out the future".

I find the whole thing odd really. He obviously thinks that he's in with some kind of chance with me, which he's not because firstly he lives on the other side of the country anyway and secondly because there was absolutely no spark between us. How can you possibly say that you really like someone you've only ever spent about an hour with and barely even know?

Because you believe in luuuurve at first sight, and/or are a nutter.

I don't know Rhine. I suspect he hasn't thought about you personally as much as you think. Men who carry on like this often don't 'see' the woman in any real sense at all (which is precisely why they are so bad at reading the 'No thanks, I'm not feeling it' signals a woman gives them). And quite probably, it's because he is crap at this that his sister is jumping in to add her bit of pressure to get you to go out with him.

It's all about what he wants and whether he thinks he is in with a chance. The quickest way to get rid is probably just to say 'Not for me, I'm afraid' or anything else firm and polite that doesn't invite debate, to sister and ignore Friend request.

Bear in mind they may both get annoyed with you whatever you say, because you haven't fallen in line with what brother wants. Take it on the chin, it'll be better than going out with a creep.

If the sister is a bit of a busybody...

Maybe it's not an accident that you ended up sitting next to her brother, maybe she has told him that you're single and looking, that he is just your type and that you'd be a perfect couple etc etc

So the fact that you didn't immediately swoon at his feet and jump into his Facebook friend's list is making her look a bit silly, hence her interest in getting you onto Facebook at least.

Is his Facebook page open? I'd be checking (or getting a friend to!) to make sure there were no cryptic comments about new love or the like . (although my typo of [grim] would also be quite appropriate!)

Tell him you're totally celibate.

I've heard it's what some women say when not interested but don't want to hurt the man's feelings.

no, don't say that! that's so patronising and unnecessarily complicated.

Just tell his sister that he's not for you. if she is stupid enough to ask why, just repeat it dripping tap style 'he's not for me'.

Don't over complicate matters.

MadeMan, would a man believe that? "oh, I'd sleep with you, but I'm celibate by choice". That is hilarious. A man would have to have a forcefield of delusion to believe that!