I feel so bloody trapped & uncared for - a bit too long for a friday afternoon!

[nogoes]

I don't really know where to start. I am a SAHM and am going through a bit of a hard time at the moment. Ds is due to start nursery next term for a couple of mornings which I think he is definitely ready for. I have seen a job advertised for 2 days per week, the money is crap and it is a step down from what I was doing before but I actually got excited when I saw the advert and think that getting back into the workplace would boost my confidence which is at an all time low.

I mentioned the job to dh and you would have thought that I wanted to emmigrate to Australia leaving ds behind. Dh said it is up to me but made it perfectly clear that he does not approve and made me feel an even more inadequate mother than I do already. Before I gave up work dh was really supportive of me going back to work but he now seems to have turned into my MIL.

I just don't feel that dh has any respect for me whatsoever. I suffered a family bereavement this week and dh sounded sympathetic when I spoke to him on the phone but when he got home from work he didn't ask me how I was, he then picked an argument with me and in the middle of the night I was feeling a bit upset and decided to go downstairs, he went crazy and started acting like I had a secret lover stashed downstairs he was swearing in front of ds and saying that he has had enough of the way that I treat him!

I don't know what to do I am thinking that perhaps the best option is just to split up even though there is no way we could manage financially. Thanks for reading this.

How horrible of him to be so vile when you'd been bereaved. And marriage is about listening to each others problems imo and about supporting each other. Would he like to stay at home then? Because if he wouldn't then he has right to demand that you do. Apply for the job. And talk to your h and tell him that you want to work and that he has no right to stop you.

You poor thing. He is being unreasonable.
I'd apply for the job if I were you

I think you need to tell him that you are going to apply for the job,you need to this for your self. Why should you stay at home just to please him,would he do the same if the boot was on the other foot.
You also need to tell him about his cold attitude to you when you have had a breavement. Are there any other issues or has this just come out of the blue ?

Thanks, I will try and talk to him this weekend hopefully without him flying off the handle. He started a new job a year ago and it is like he has had a personality transplant, he has become really aggressive and moody.

could it not be something related to his job thats making him like this..? It's no excuse at all and I so feel for you but maybe something at work is stressing him out..... Does he enjoy the job.?

Poor you, must be crappy not to have support from the person you should be able to rely on the most. Go for the job - it'll really help your self esteem to arn a bit of your own money and have some time out of the home - even if it'snot what you were doing before. I'm a qualified health professional and luckily for me a job came up at exactly the right time but I would have had no problem going back to work in a shop or behind a bar after DS just for some time and cash to myself, not to mention adult company!

You do need to have a really honest talk with him and find out why he said the things he said and also tell him about how you're feeling - perhaps he has stuff going on he hasn't talked to you about? (sorry, not taking his 'side' but when you say 'personality transplant' it makes me think something has happened to cause hisbehaviour). Really hope he's in a listening/talking mood and you sort stuff out.

I agree with asking him about work would he bottle things up if he was stressed at work.
Hope you can talk things through.

Oh my god,what a Victorian!! Hes well out of order about you not getting a job. Firstly, what a double standard, considering he works. Secondly, a happy mum means a happy child, and it will definitely boost your self esteem to get out there and meet people. THirdly, there comes a point where kids want to break away from their mums- its healthy development, and it sounds like your child has reached this point. If you dont develop your own personal life, theres a risk youll end up not giving your child the space he needs.
I`d be so angry if my husband pulled that line on me- in short, your husband is way out of order.

hmmmm, he sounds a bit like mine, but mine wants me to go earn money!
i think you should enjoy your time away from you son. its only a few hours twice a week. you deserve it.
if its the job aspect of it, then do voluntary work. it will do the same thing for your self esteem.
but i thnk he has probly got other issues and he is taking them out on you.