Cheated on, lied to and emotionally abused. Read Lundy Bancroft. Dumped him. Now what?

[Fluffybrain]

Any suggestions for books to read when moving on? Had some therapy but new waves of anger etc keep washing over me. I have not had contact with him for 4 weeks. I know it's the right thing for me and DCs (not his). But what now? Have moved house, but how do I build a new life?

I am reading a book called mindfulness - finding peace in a frantic world. I have those waves of anger/analysing/living in the past. The book teaches you to live in present. Comes with relaxation cd x

You take each day as it comes.

4 weeks is just the beginning, you are in a process of change. You may well not get an overwhelming feeling of "yes, here's life again"

It takes time. Just do something everyday that you love to do.

No quick fixes, just a period of reconciliation and growth.

I've read loads of books, poured my heart out to friends and had counselling but the main thing that pushes you forward is time. 4 weeks NC is such early days, I am 18 months down the line and just about getting there. Good luck.

Atm you're still surviving on adrenaline. That fades. Expect highs and lows, ups and downs. They will all pass and you will gwt through them to calmer, clearer waters.

Be kind to yourself, this is very early in your journey. Time will help.

I know that's frustrating to hear, as you want all this anguish over. It will be, but in it's own time. You can't rush this. There aren't any short cuts.

If abusive behaviour was a factor, have you considered doing the Freedom Programme?

Try reading the happiness trap which was given to me by my counsellor and it's on the type of therapy I am being treated with. It's opened my eyes x hope it helps you as much as it is me xxx

You build a new life by living. On the one hand enjoy the moment and make the most of what you have gained. On the other consciously make plans, look forward & set yourself goals. Four weeks is hardly out of the starting blocks after a big emotional upheaval and there will continue to be sad & angry times ahead as you hit various anniversaries or a memory takes you by surprise. Many will tell you that it takes up to two years to properly overcome the effects of a bad long-term relationship.

Thanks I will try mindfulness and happiness trap. Have done freedom programme online and was useful in part. It's 8 weeks really, it's just that I was wobbly with contact for first 4 weeks and no contact last 4. Thanks for all advice it all sounds wise and true. I don't really know what I love yet. I'm really getting over two relationships as I left a very long term dead relationship to start relationship with this man who I had known for years. But he changed over time once in the relationship and wasn't who I thought he was. I adored him. He hurt me very badly in ways that he is not capable of understanding. It was very difficult to walk away but I did it for myself and DC and also for him. I don't feel I know myself or trust my feelings or judgement. I guess I will have to sit it out...

I was left with massively low self esteem and a feeling that I was completely worthless. I had some quite disordered thought patterns. And lots of those were from my EA upbringing too.

I'm normally a bit about this sort of thing, but I got the Louise Hay Power Thought cards and they've been oddly helpful...

So...

I am willing to forgive: Forgiveness of myself and others releases me from the past. Forgiveness is the answer to almost every problem. Forgiveness is my gift to myself. I forgive and I set myself free

That one has been quite useful to me...