What do you do in this situation?

[AgathaAndTheDog]

Do you think it is a good idea to forgive an EX who did bad things?

I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, in the hope that with his mental health diagnosis at the time and being around the person he was/is and given the informaiton he was at the time, he genuinely believed what he was told. As he was convinced I was someone I am not, he felt he had a reason to be so dreadful towards me.

I have named changed for this.

The story is a long complicated one.

Basically, I think I am able to forgive him. I think the balance of his mind was not as it should have been, when he did things. I have no idea how his mental health is now. I am not sure how he is going to cope with the informaiton he is going to be given. I have been his scapegoat for a long time now. He is going to be presented with information to show he and the person who helped him see things differently were wrong.

I am not sure if it will cause all hell to break loose in his life or if he will go after me again.

I have to get this out, regardless, for complicated reasons.

How should I present this to him?

He will not be with the person when he finds out properly.

Ok, I will work out something along those lines to say.

I really appreciate your understanding and help Nomama, I am dreading having to deal with him again.

It is sad I won't get any understanding for the children and me after all, which is very sad.

I was not intending to make him look mentally ill, in the other cout case it was revealed he was diagnosed as mentally ill and he kept telling every court he was unhappy and would look at me in an accusatory way each time . The cause of his sadness is his woman, his legal team, himself and Dr's, it is a shame he will never get that. My children may have had some sort of benefit from him knowing that.

No, it isn't sad, it isn't a shame, it isn't anything to you that he won't get any understanding that the world and his dog, everyone but you, screwed up his life. It is his problem... stop owning it.

If he could understand and let it all go then yes, your kids may get some benefit BUT they also need you to let it go. Then they will really feel the benefit.

You can't control him but... yes, I know cheesy line alert... you can control how you feel/act. So let it go. Stick to the facts in court and then get on with your life without him. Without the need to justify yourself and mist especially without the burning desire to fix him - you can't. And if you did he wouldn't thank you for it, call you a saint or miraculously become a better man/father.

STOP!

I hope that helps

!!
mist = most

No I guess learning that information will not make him Father of the year to his children.

As you say that side of things can't be fixed, I am getting there now my word is no longer in doubt.

I clearly have a bit of work still to do regarding justifying myself, fixing things for the children, and accepting I can't fix some things.

It is good that your word is no longer in doubt, presumably with medical and legal teams. I think you will have to leave it with them.

But yes, to your last sentence. As an outsider who has absolutely no info other than that which you have posted the loudest messages are a) that you need him to acknowledge your actions were not bad/malicious and b) you still feel the need to fix things.