Scared of falling in love.

[gigglygirlygirl]

I met a man a few months back OD and am really falling for him. He doesn't talk about feelings much but I think from his actions that he is serious about me too. At least I hope so as I don't have much experience dating or "reading" men.

The more I fall for him the more insecure I feel which surely is the opposite to how it should be. I don't have any relationship traumas in my past that would account for it. He is just a lovely considerate guy. I haven't told him that I am insecure like this. He knows I am shy but not that I get doubts even if I just don't hear from him for a day.

When I am with him I have no doubts but we both work shifts and lately have only seen each other once a week. Then my doubts go a bit mad and some random comment from a friend can make me worry. Comments about the age / experience difference or the distance or that it moved kinda fast.

Is this something that I can make go away? I just want to be normal and happy and not this crazy worrying woman! I feel like I am holding back which really isn't fair on him.

You can't generally manipulate your own feelings very easily but you can easily change the way you respond or act as a result of them. Be as crazy and anxious as you like on the inside... as long as you don't do or say anything stupid, you're golden.

He doesn't know that I get so anxious - I don't know if it is unfair to keep it from him or whether he is better off not knowing.

What are you scared of then? Being hurt? Being embarrassed? Can you break it down at all? This is meant to be fun and lovely

If you are not normally insecure, perhaps your intuition is picking something up?

I don't think it is my intuition as he hasn't done anything wrong or been anything other than lovely. I don't know if it is that this is my first serious relationship and I have never felt this strongly about anyone before. I just don't want to get all crazy and mess it up!

He doesn't really talk about feelings but he acts like he cares and is serious. I have met his family and children and he gave me a key to his house a few weeks back.

I think I am scared that I love him more than he loves me.

It is strange to me as I have always relied on myself and now I have someone who listens and cares. I have got used to that fast and know it would really hurt if it all went wrong.

Do you believe things are moving too fast? How long is 'a few months back'?

youre not going to stop falling in love with him. It sounds like its already happening

It is already happening. Every time I get a text from him I smile. I haven't told him that I love him .... I think he knows though.

We met 6 months ago. I don't think things are moving too fast. I'm not sure what a normal speed is for a relationship but I don't feel pushed. I do think that he could do better though.

It sounds to me that you're worried about making yourself vulnerable. And that's understandable.

My boyfriend is far more open with how he feels than I am, and yet I still worry! I'm scared about making myself vulnerable, worried about getting hurt...

But I also know that I have to take that risk if I'm going to have something really good.

He has recently admitted that he feels a little insecure and jealous at times. I really had no idea! And he had no idea that I felt like that at times. That's because we have both recognised that these are our feelings and not something that the other has to take responsibility for.

I think that, now I know he feels like this, I am more mindful. I wouldn't change what I did, but I do do things to offer him reassurances and he does the same for me.

I am worried about being vulnerable. I don't want to push him away by being needy.

He isn't really open about talking about his feelings but I think he uses actions instead. I do like that it isn't all words with him but would find it reassuring to have him say how he feels.

He has said that he has no doubts about us or me so I feel bad that I get so insecure when I don't see him for a week!

It is interesting what you say about not being responsible for his feelings and him not being responsible for your feelings. I am sure these insecurities are all in my head and jumping in and actually telling him that I love him is scary but not saying anything and messing up what could be a good relationship is more scary. I just don't know how to bring it up without just blurting it out at a random moment!

Not going to see him for over a week now. I already miss him and am already over analysing.