How do you get back on the sex bus?

[TolchockLovelyInTheLitso]

I've been with DH for 19 years, married for 11. We have 2 DC, 10 & 6. He's wonderful, my closest friend and I love him dearly. We've moved around the country a lot, and so are quite dependent on each other, but it's never bothered us.
After the shagging like rabbits phase, we've always had sex about 2 or 3 times a week, but at Christmas, something in me just snapped. I felt trapped in every aspect of my life and wanted to escape it all. Eventually, I realised it was depression and went back on the tablets, but I have no desire for DH at all. We've only had sex twice this year, which is unheard of. I'm desperately trying to find ways to get back to wanting him sexually, but I just...can't. He has been wonderfully supportive & understanding the whole time & would never pressure me, but I feel bad nonetheless for withdrawing from him like this. He hasn't done anything wrong. What can I (or we) do to get back to how we were?

You say, "I realised it was depression and went back on the tablets" because you were feeling "trapped in every aspect of my life and wanted to escape it all" Can I ask, have you had depression before? Have you tried counselling instead of pills? Do the anti-depressants have other side effects apart from lowering libido?

AD's or at least many brands of them are extremely well-known for causing a loss of libido, that's a well-recognised side-effect. I would talk to your DH honestly about this- about what the tablets are doing, and then you can consider your options which might range from living with it because they are helping your depression, to trying another brand that causes less libido loss (there are brands known for this too) or to swopping to a different type of treatment (CBT, mindfulness, St John's Wort) which may lead your libido to come back naturally.

I would definitely look for a chemical cause for this and perhaps, a chemical solution. Get the hormones checked.

Thanks Mini, Then & Wrap.

Yes, I've had depression for many years, but last year was diagnosed with an unrelated condition which is often misdiagnosed as depression. This seemed to fit, as I had been through all the SSRIs with no luck. As the other condition is now being treated, I did very much hope that I wasn't depressed at all. The current combination is the only one that has even slightly worked - next stop is tricyclics and I so don't want to get in to all that. Although anti-depressants have lowered my libido before, it's never been to anything like this extent.

I have had a lot of counselling in the past which at best doesn't help and at worst makes everything worse. Again this supported my idea that I was never really depressed.

The hormone suggestion is interesting Wrapdress, I'll talk to the GP about it, thank you.

Do you get time away as a couple? Weekend away can help you reconnect with each other.

BTW, don't take st Johns wort whilst on ADs as they are contra indicated x

Thanks Bolton.

Horsemad; we get very very little time away from the kids alone. Perhaps 3 or 4 evenings a year.

Mine are teens and I keep promising myself a w/e away with DH, we get very few opportunities for time without DTeens. Really must make the effort. Famous. Last. Words!!