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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling down, how do I get past this?

4 replies

Roseflowers · 28/06/2014 16:04

My problems are really small compared to most of the people who are posting on here but to be honest, I'm really struggling at the moment. In brief summary, I was in a relationship with a colleague for six months which ended when I found semi naked pictures from another girl in his facebook inbox. When I confronted him he told me that he wasn't sure if he had romantic feelings for me anymore.

For all six months of our relationship he was pretty much the most amazing partner you could hope for (aside from the cheating facebook behavior obviously) Up until the hour before we broke up he was loving, caring, supportive, thoughtful and ridiculously affectionate. I had very little idea that he felt the way he did, he was that loving. Our sex life had dwindled somewhat, but he had assured me this was due to the stress of doing his finals at uni, and he had initiated sex a few days before so I thought we were getting back on track.

I was heartbroken when we split. Still am, and its nearly been two months now. I can't understand why I can't move past this or why its making me so depressed. I think it's because he is the latest in the line of men who have treated me shittily. I don't think I will ever trust anyone again. My previous boyfriends have been....mr physically abusive cheat! Mr 'I'm going to dump you by text on your birthday after nine months together because you've asked me to meet your family!' Mr 'I'm going to dump you out of the blue by phone, right now, when I know you're on a crowded bus full of people on your way to a ten hour shift at your customer facing role!' (I mean jesus, it couldn't have waited a day!?) When I started dating my ex everyone was so happy that I'd finally found someone nice, and normal and considerate. And I genuinely thought I had. I'd sacked off a few people who were chasing me at the same time who seemed like bad news and gone for the one who seemed like a genuinely good guy. Hah!

I think my current depression stems from the fact that I genuinely don't feel I will ever find someone who is just fucking nice and normal and not a cheating, thoughtless dickhead. I am a good person, and I know I deserve to be treated well. Even this ex told me I was a great girlfriend, only ever made him happy and never did anything wrong in our relationship! So why do I constantly get treated like this even when I actively try and seek out 'good' guys?

Because we work together we have to spend a lot of time together. His behavior at work has mostly been infuriating and confusing. He will often follow me around like a lost puppy (for ten hour shifts, this gets exhausting) I have to repeatedly ask him to give me space. His reasoning for this behavior is that he wants to be friends and that I am his favourite person at work. It is thoroughly depressing, mostly because I just miss what I (thought) I had. My best friend, the person who made me feel like the most loved person in the world. I have a very active social life, I've even been on two (pretty fruitless) dates since breaking up, I've been doing all I can to get through this. It's just not bloody working, and I'm totally fed up. I don't want to quit my job because right now I need the support network of friends there. Help me oh wise mumsnetters, I feel so down and just want to be happy :(

OP posts:
mothy99 · 28/06/2014 16:24

I hope things work out for you. You're in a difficult situation but the right man is out there; don't let past experiences hold you back.

It's hard when you're working with this guy, too. If his behaviour gets too much, can you talk to a supervisor and see if they can have a word with him?

Mum4Fergus · 28/06/2014 16:28

Give yourself a break and have some 'you' time...and have a word with HR if his behaviour continues Smile

Avarose1234 · 28/06/2014 17:47

Hey chick - just want you to know your not the only one going through shit with completely cuntish men. I have been through cheating men, physically abusive men (I have a lovely scar across my eyebrow as a memento of that relationship), liars, players, mind warpers and the best one of all the wanker I was seeing at work for 8 months who fed me lies about not wanting to take advantage of me after just coming out of the physically abusive relationship and wanted to take things slowly and not get too heavy who then got me pregnant, abandoned me, showed no support when I had a miscarriage and then told me that I was the one who'd been playing games and he couldn't care less what I'd been threw loosing my baby. Ain't men great!
I don't know what the answer is for you or me but my thoughts on life an relationships now is that I'm gonna do things just for me, concentrate on fulfilling my life without thinking about getting into another relationship just yet and when a seemingly nice guy does come along just take it one step at a time and as sad as it sounds just be more guarded. I don't know if that's good advice or not but that's what I'm gonna be doing. Take care x

louby44 · 28/06/2014 17:52

It's only been 2 months! It takes time. I split with my exP at the beginning of Dec and it's only now that I'm starting to feel normal again.

Just take time to be on your own, socialise with friends when you can and take stock!

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