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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I break No Contact? Very upset...

24 replies

ClarissaClark · 28/06/2014 10:50

Recently had a short relationship with a man who messed me about. He's not a bad person, just couldn't commit.

I asked for no contact to allow me to get over it, which god had stuck to (two weeks now ).

However , I've found a limp in my breast and I have some bloody nipple discharge. I know this is more than likely nothing but I have an emergency breast clinic appointment next Wed.

Coincidently on that day I am due in to my old workplace fir a leaving do where this guy will be.

I really want to email him to meet beforehand to make peace. Thus health business has shook me up. We didn't part as enemies but I was pretty pissed off. But I don't want any more bad feelings, life being to short and all of that.

Email him? See him? I want peace but don't want to run the risk if starting things up again. I have no idea how he feels , he may hate me. :(

Thanks got listening. Very emotional today.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClarissaClark · 28/06/2014 10:51

Oh I'm sorry about my typing.

'He ' not God. Lol.

'Lump' not limp.

OP posts:
Butterflyspring · 28/06/2014 10:53

I wouldn't contact him - unless you want to start things up again. It is understandable you wanting someone to lean on - but I don't think he is the right person. Have you friends or family who can support you through this? It must be very stressful for you.

YouAreMyRain · 28/06/2014 10:53

I know it's hard, and scary etc but I would avoid seeing him at all until you have some info about your breast and are less vulnerable emotionally. The timing is bad. You are not in a good place at the moment.

Original poster
ClarissaClark · 28/06/2014 10:55

Hi and thanks. I think all I want up say is. 'No hard feelings' and leave it at that. Not a good idea? ( We parted by email, not good, I know).

Thanks for the good wishes. Friends have been great, can't tell family.

OP posts:
Hissy · 28/06/2014 10:57

Why him? Why not anyone else in RL?

He's not in your life, you asked him for NC, and because you need support, you turn to him?

That's mucking him about, sorry.

I had a traumatic event recently and i'm on my own, I wouldn't have called my exbf (together a year) because we've both moved on and there's not point in sparking anything as there's not future in any of it.

Call a friend, a parent, a neighbour even, but not someone you don't want to be with.

Meanwhile, keep posting here, mumsnet is awesome for support in situations like these.

Fingers crossed it'll all be ok on Wednesday. Think positive, eh? Will be thinking of you!

ThirdPoliceman · 28/06/2014 10:57

You know what, I'd leave it. You have enough to deal with without him muddying the water.
It didn't work out, it's over, your emotional energy is too valuable to squander on a relationship has been.
I hope your appointment goes well. (Positive vibes being sent out!)

Beautifulmonster · 28/06/2014 11:03

He is the last person you should be contacting now. What if he says something hurtful? You say already he has messed you about. It sounds like you want more from him than he is able to give.

Yes it is a worrying time. Rely on someone who is available.

Original poster
ClarissaClark · 28/06/2014 11:03

Thanks for the vibes. Really appreciated.

Pretty unanimous there!

I think I wasn't very clear- I don't want support about the issue; I just want to make peace about the way it ended- it didn't sit well with me and I could have handled things better.

In any case- he will be at this party next week. I really have to go- it's for a good friend. Shall I just be polite and no more?

Thanks again. I appreciate the honest responses. I'm not thinking clearly.

OP posts:
Butterflyspring · 28/06/2014 11:13

why are you worried about how it ended when he messed you about? I would forget about him and worry about yourself instead - sorry if that sounds harsh, but he is not your problem. You can only feel guilty if you let yourself I think.

Just smile and say hi and leave it at that if you see him - there really is no point going over old ground.

Original poster
ClarissaClark · 28/06/2014 11:41

Thanks Butterfly, good advice.

I just ended if badly and in the wrong way. Yes he was a bit of a prick but I should have done it face to face. That's what I feel bad about.

But you're right- I need to let it oh although it is very hard to do so. But after next week I will have no reason to ever see him.

OP posts:
Butterflyspring · 28/06/2014 12:08

I think you are being very tough on yourself! I really hope your doc appointment goes well - do update here won't you?

Original poster
ClarissaClark · 28/06/2014 12:12

Thanks so much. I'll update for sure. :)

OP posts:
QuailLegs · 28/06/2014 13:12

I understand where you are coming from - yes I would just say that you are going to the party and didn't want it to be awkward, that you are sorry it all took place by email but that you don't want there to be bad feelings.

Then, when he replies you will be able to tell if there are hard feellings hopefully and can always cancel the party if you feel it is too much for you at this stage.

Hissy · 28/06/2014 13:13

Sometimes we do stuff clumsily, and perhaps wouldn't do it like that again in future. If you learn from it, that's be best situation really.

Don't beat yourself up. Focus on what's important. You!

:)

Original poster
ClarissaClark · 28/06/2014 18:35

Thanks. At least I won't end a relationship that again. I still do feel very bad and want to make amends but I guess there isn't much point.

Thanks for the good wishes, everyone. X

OP posts:
Hissy · 28/06/2014 19:25

You had your reasons, and he was an idiot, mucking you about so I doubt he deserved anything more than a break off email.

Try and go easy on yourself atm, you have enough to focus on without distracting yourself with this guy.

((hug))

PlantsAndFlowers · 28/06/2014 21:53

If it was a short relationship then I wouldn't worry about it too much. You won't have broken his heart or anything. You can't undo what you did and the best thing is just to be polite and breezy at the party.

BitOutOfPractice · 28/06/2014 22:05

I agree with everyone else

But just wanted to add, that I wish you all the best for your appointment - I hope it all turns out AOK for you x

Original poster
ClarissaClark · 29/06/2014 10:02

Thank you! Will update after the tests. Xx

Thanks for the support. Can't beat this place.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClarissaClark · 02/07/2014 21:38

To update:

I had my results back and everything is OK, they think. There is an unusual mass of tissue but the blood tests appear to suggest I am moving into menopause which will explain the breast changes.

They are giving me a mammogram and an ultrasound on Friday just to make sure, but everything looks OK.

Thanks for your support. Blokey was there; he was fine, polite, no drama. :)

Thanks again. This place is so great. x

OP posts:
Hissy · 02/07/2014 22:13

:) well done! Glad to hear you're ok. :)

BitOutOfPractice · 03/07/2014 07:20

Oh that's great news Clarissa - well done!

Butterflyspring · 03/07/2014 08:15

brilliant news - what a relief! :) Hope all goes well on Friday for you too x

PlantsAndFlowers · 03/07/2014 11:32

Fantastic!

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