New to OD - men just disappearing??

[Wishyouwould]

Joined match a couple of months ago but only started using it a few weeks ago. Started chatting to one guy, arranged to meet for a coffee on the Sunday, messaged him to confirm time, never heard back.

Then started chatting to someone who doesn't live that far from me, lots in common, great photo, he liked mine. He messaged me again yesterday morning, I replied and this morning when I've gone to see if he's replied all our messages have disappeared and he is gone from the site. Feel so despondent!! I take it this is normal??

There are a lot of nutters, timewasters and liars to be found online dating, but there are nice people, too. You just have to keep trying.

In both these cases, it's likely that you did nothing wrong but the men in question met someone else and decided to date her exclusively. Though most people don't 'commit' to anyone met through OLD until they have had a few dates - so don't expect anyone you have just started messaging to owe you anything.

Yes or the second one was married and his wife found his profile.

Online dating is so fickle. You have to wade through a lot if wrong uns to find a good one. Just don't invest anything emotionally at the beginning. These people are strangers and you don't know them and you don't owe each other anything.

Thanks SGB your right they don't owe me anything at all but it just seems so abrupt to completely disappear. Oh well, guess a thicker skin is needed.

A thick skin is definitely needed! And a lot of patience. You may well end up meeting up with a guy for first time, having a great time, feeling like you have loads in common and really clicked and then... his next text/email says that he doesn't feel you are quite right for each other, and you just want to say WHAT???

But there are some good guys out there - my DH was one of them, it just took about a year to find him!

I think the online dating websites should add ego boost and time wasting due to boredom to the "looking for" options list.

Try guardian soulmates

Its something of a misconception that all men on dating sites are looking for an actual relationship.

In reality, its only a very tiny percentage that are, many are on there for other reasons, ego boots, being bored, having a laugh with their mates, looking for affairs, looking for sex, looking for casual dates.

You cant trust what someone has written in their profile to be the 100% truth either, lots might say they want long term, but they want nothing of the sort.

Its also quite unlikely that the guys have found someone else, if you speak to many many doing online dating, dates and even messages for them, tend to be light and not happen all that often.

theres also the chance, and it was all over the news earlier this year and on the bbc, that lots of profiles are fake, run by the dating agency themselves... to get people hooked into chatting.

You need a skin as thick as a rhinos and a large pinch of salt if you are going to online date.

Who ever thought most men were on daring sites for relationships?

I always hear that most are there for sex and you have to weed through the odd/bad ones to find the good ones.
I met my partner online and I'm not sure why he was there, probably the same reason as me, to socialise and meet someone.