I LTB'd - handhold? Rather urgently?

[JustDontWantToSay]

For those who saw my previous thread - I did it. In a wimpy way, but I did it. I replied to an email that he was waiting for a reply to with an honest response that I knew would make him finish with me. I wouldn't have dared do that in the past I would have said all the right things to make it better. But I've reached that point now.

So..... Positive stories please!

Ps. This isn't a poor me thread, it's a forced but genuine smile through the tears and asking those of you who have experience that I will once again go back to being me and one day be with someone who loves me for who I am.

[germinal]

Well done justdont, I hope you find peace very quickly, without too long mourning this hurtful and abusive man.

I read your first post at some of the posters. Esp those who said "you sound as bad as each other". What bollocks. You sound very nice, your girls sound lovely. And most importantly you are behaving with dignity and self respect by getting rid. He, on the other hand.....

Ignore mean people. You are doing the right thing by you and your girls.

good luck. X

[Fairy13]

Ok I've just read your thread.

well done. You are so brave.

I recommend utilising the survivors forum on WA, and reading Lundy Bancroft 'why does he do that'.

Because he will employ every technique to get you back, and you need to have the strength behind you to stay away.

7 months on from leaving mine and I'm a different woman. You will be too.

[BanjoKazooie]

LittlePeaPod. I didn't actually write anything mean but I did post to say I thought the thread would get zapped. It wasn't 'direct' troll hunting but I really felt either the OP was a troll or that, if she wasn't, she would get the thread taken down but I know I shouldn't have said anything at all.

I can understand why some posters were frustrated with the OP but I don't think its on to post replies like some of the unpleasant ones on the original thread. It's the internet and you never know what effect your comments will have on an OP.

Here are some more for the OP.

[wyrdyBird]

Very glad to hear this. Good for you, JustDont!

Be prepared for various tactics to try and hoover you back in. Tears, flowers, promises to change after seeing the light, threats, attempts to contact you for trivial reasons ('can I just give you back your xyz, it won't take a moment')...etc.

If you feel yourself wobbling, please come back and post here instead.

Take care, and well done to you

[Hissy]

You left? Thank christ for that!

Please don't go back, eh?

I was shouting at my screen for you to ltb after you mentioned about the incident 3m in!

[Itsfab]

well done and hello to the old you .

[VitoCorleone]

I read your old thread a couple of days ago, i just want to say well done, you don't need that sort of shit

[Thumbwitch]

I'm going to say well done because you precipitated him finishing it - but I'm also going to say be very careful, because if he finished it, then he will still think he can pick it up again any time he chooses (i.e. he's still in full control of the situation).

Be very very aware of this, and ignore any contact from him. ANY contact. Block his numbers if you can, block him on facebook, take no emails from him - cut every form of contact with him.

You have done brilliantly well to get him out of your life - now take as many steps, belts and braces approach, to keep him out.

[YoBitch]

you are amazing!! well done. what do you need now to keep going - do you have any support in RL?

[BranchingOut]

I know that you may not want to go down this path, but is there any mileage in talking to the police?
Get your address flagged etc?

[hellsbellsmelons]

Well done op.
I'm so pleased you managed to end it.
If you ever wobble. Go back to your old post and re-read my thread highlighting the 45 things you listed that were abuse.
You will feel like you do. These kind of men are very good at what they do.
But please remember. He will never change.
You are much better for yourself and your girls without this vile creature in your life dragging you down.
Please sign up for the Freedom Programme.
Stay strong and well done.

[Lweji]

Just to say that letting him finish with you might have been the safest option, because he felt in control.
Such men would want to punish you for breaking up with them. How dared you? As it is he's thinking you are being punished right now. Let him.

But you will certainly need to be firm if he decides to go back. No contact is the best option, along with contacting the police if he shows up.

[JustDontWantToSay]

Thank you everyone. I'm feeling very down but as a PP said - no more being called names, no more being thrown out in the middle of the night, no more being insulted, no more being scared stiff of him going through my phone in case he misinterprets a message.
I still feel mad though - he was so adamant that I was the abusive one, that my feelings were the result of misconstrued fiction and that I was deluding myself. Do you think there's any possibility I was??

[Fairy13]

No love.

It is just a classic tactic.
I was told I was too.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Do you think there's any possibility I was??

No, I don't.

By the time I left him, my ex had me pretty much convinced that I was some kind of psycho. He was exactly like yours: a master of gaslighting and manipulation. They tap into people like us because they know we have a soft spot.

It took me years to be able to look back and see how disgustingly he treated me. Give yourself time.

[Thumbwitch]

Absolutely not. No chance in the world. He is a gaslighter (look it up if you haven't already heard of it) and none of what he told you is true.

[BranchingOut]

Well, if you are an abuser you definitely shouldn't be with him anymore! :)

It will take time - I really recommend counselling if you can.

[wyrdyBird]

There's no way you can misconstrue being bodily thrown out, into the snow, in your underwear. And that's 'just' one incident. :(

Keep strong, and cut him out. You're doing the right thing.

[LittlePeaPod]

He was trying to manipulate you. His making you doubt yourself. His abusive. End of. You did nothing wrong.

It takes time to heal but you made the first step.

[JustDontWantToSay]

Thank you all xx

[LittlePeaPod]

How are you doing JustDont?

[AnyFucker]

Good for you

Now the really hard bit

Staying away

What do you plan to do differently this time, love ? It's best you have a plan of action or you will be back here again in a couple of months time.