Are all men complete and utter P*!^$ or is it JUST mine?.... and when in god's name do they grow up?

[bubblez]

Anyone know?

Yesterday we were all sitting down eating, when DD decided that she would spit her drink out on the floor (she is 2.9). DP imediately shouted at her and while she was in mid-bawl demanded that she continues to eat her food. This prompted me to tell him that he can't expect her to continue to eat while she is clearly distressed and that he should have warned her before going off on one at her. He told me to 'shut up, shut up, shut up' then went on to say 'dya know what dd spit on the floor, obviously your mum don't care. Look I'll do it too' and proceeded to take a gulp of cola and spit it out on the floor.

Like who the F*$K does something like that? He is going to be 27 when is he going to grow up?

Now maybe I was wrong to get involved but I believe in warning the child first so that she has a chance to stop what she is doing and so that it can be explained that it is wrong.

What makes it worse is that I'm 9wks pregnant, I don't need this shit.

Sorry rant over.

What an idiot! Sorry but that is so childish.

Spitting his drink out was a childish thing to do.

You know that I'm going to say that you are generalising though to think it's a man thing!

Sorry you had a bad day.

Charleesunnysunsun there is no need to be sorry, I think it's beyond childish. I couldn't believe it!! What adult in their right mind does something like that?

Oh Bubblez, I think you need to have a chat with DP. I was talking to my friend about this yesterday and we were saying you should always warn a child first then if they do something a 2nd time, thats when you 'punish' them. Had DP had a bad day, was DD playing up beforehand? I would defo try to talk to him about it so it doesn't happen again, like you say you don't need the stress and him doing the same as what DD is just plain daft!

bubblez

Has this manchild (I hesitate to call him a man) apologised since for his stupidity?. To keep saying, "shut up, shut up" is emotional immaturity, he clearly could not handle what was happening in front of him.

Apart from this incident what is your relationship like anyway?. Is he always like this?.

Sorry aDAdOnMumsnet I pressed start convo before actually remembering that there are actually dad's on mumsnet and good men in the world. The question was really retorical as I already know that it is really just my man who is a complete and utter p!*&k. (oh and all his friends) Which is probably why he doesn't think he is bad.

It does beg the question though... What would the world be like if we all mimicked our toddlers behaviour?

Hey, don't worry, there was no offence taken.

It sounds bang out of order what he did, and far from the right way to deal with the situation he was faced with. I think, as has been suggeted, you have to talk to him about it. Everyone can have a bad day and have things on their mind and react badly once, but if he was handling the situation like that on a regular basis it would noit have a positive effect on your dd.

AttilaTheMeerkat no he hasn't apologised. Besides in his silly little head he probably thinks that it is my fault for questioning him and that I deserved that sort of a respose.

To say that our relationship hasn't been plain sailing is to say the least. He has a temper problem anyway and just before xmas he threw a paddy which ended up with a draining board connecting with my head. (all of course was my fault) He is here on the proviso that it never happens again. In his mind though he didn't throw anything this time so there really isn't anything to worry about.

Daisypops - I've explained to him before about giving DD a warning. It's funny that it takes less then three months for him to learn a job, but in two years he still can't master giving dd a warning first.

I risk being stoned to death here, but, a couple of points...

1. If he physically hurt you over Xmas then why are you still with him? Was it a real one off?
2. I have had bad parenting days and acted like a 2 year old out of sheer frustration and my DH has eyed me v suspiciously, but when we think we have behaved unreasonably then we will pull the other one to one side later and not do it in front of the kids.
3. In fact my DH does hardly any disciplining at all at the best of times.

The bottom line is, at 9 weeks pg you really need to stay v calm as poss, this is a really important time for you and baby.
Best of luck hon.

MoreSpamThanGlam throwing things when in a paddy unfortunately was not a one off, nor was one of those things actually connecting a one off. Although since dec he hasn't thrown anything (just this spitting incident which isn't the same thing really). It seems that everytime I've tried to leave him I've been made to feel as though I'm blowing things out of preportion.

'He only threw it, he didn't hit you the object did'...'maybe you should start counsiling for the both of you'....'you know he's got a temper'...'what were you arguing about'...'sometimes you just have to walk away from the convo'...'would dd really be better off without her dad'

And then there is that stupid little part of me that thinks 'he'll change, give him a chance'. I was begining to think that he had what with 9months and no throwing things.

But yesterday just made me feel like he hasn't grown up one bit nor has he learnt to control himself.

bubblez - they rarely change, and not without structured outside help. Please look after yourself and your DD and bump first. I am from your ante-natal thread, and you can always vent to us, of course, but you need to take stock, I think, and really consider whether you are better off with him in your life xx

So what happens if he only throws something and it hits your DD?

It may only hurt/injure you but it may seriously damage her.

Sorry but throwing things is a 'clever' arseholes way of hurting you without actually using his fists.

It is also teaching your DD that you do not matter and can be treated with contempt like a piece of shit. Or that this is what a relationship should be like and that is what she will put up with in a partner.

With a second child on the way you are both going to be much more tired and stressed. He needs outside help now to learn to deal with matters reasonably.

Otherwise you will be back on here in a year with two children in exactly the same situation but much more difficult to leave becasue of them.

Hi I am from you antenatal thread as well - and have to agree with Kathlean!! Its not good for you to be around this - how can you discipline your child where throwing is concerned when he is doing it!!

I have been in your situation and have to say that I was lucky and the grass was greener on the other side!! I'll explain - I was with my ex partner only six months when I found out that I was 3 months pregnant (not planned) he use to maniuplate me - he decided that he didn't want to be a dad so went behind my back and booked my abortion - and because I wouldn't do it - he decided that I would be his punching post! He only hit me once and said that he would never do it again but just before I left him he pulled me out of his car by my hair!!! At the time - I felt I wasn't strong enough to leave him - but with the support of family and friends I did! I have never looked back!!

I am now married to a lovely man who has taken on my son as his own and am now pregnant with our first together!!! So... don't go through what I went through - I am always here if you need to talk - I do hope that you sort thing out

Take care of yourself!!!

by the way Bubblez, just also want to add that no matter what the advice on here or from anyone else come to that (family, friends) it must be really hard to be in a relationship like this and have to make decisions by yourself and for your children.
a friend of mine spent several years with someone who was abusive verbally on the odd occasion, and would cut her clothes maybe once a year. We all knew he was a nutter, but she stayed, because of the kids and sometimes he was funny and charming. anyway,his Mum died last week and then last friday he grabbed her hair after an arguementand whacked her but told my DH he was provoked and she has a drink problem. Anyway he is playing the sympathy card because his mum has died and she has left him. I think good riddence, but have a sneaky suspicion she will go back. And what about next time?

What a complete twat! He's supposed to set an example. Yes warning first and then after that they can probably get a telling off!

Mine's 30 and still acts like a complete pillock!