Should I be worried about my friend?

[gigglygirlygirl]

We have been friends for about 15 years and have quite a bit in common. Both had been single for ages a while. She started dating a man about 6 months ago and I met my BF about 4 months ago. All seemed pretty normal.

She has always been the outspoken one - the one who stands up for herself. Over the past couple of months she has been less like that and she acts almost like a different person around her boyfriend. I sort of took an instant dislike to him! He just seemed to pick fault with her and talk over her. She loves him though and the relationship got serious fast.

She said that she wanted to talk to me about something that had changed her life and it turns out that it is a relationship book that she has been following. Her boyfriend apparently doesn't know but she said she took a long look at herself and decided she wanted to be a better person for him.

It worries me as she just doesn't seem like herself. I can't really comment on the speed of her relationship as mine has also moved pretty fast. She doesn't even seem unhappy so maybe I should just butt out. I just have this gut feeling about it all. She gave me a copy of the book and it explains quite a few of the changes - being less independent, dressing a bit differently, changing her hobbies.

Maybe she is happy and I am just worrying over nothing but I don't think that this book plus her boyfriend is a good mix. Even if he really doesn't know about it I think he is the type to take advantage of the changes. I don't know if my dislike of him is colouring how I see the situation.

I think you need to ask her what prompted her to take this new approach.

What's the book? Is it The Surrendered Wife?

She said she wanted to deserve her boyfriend and be a better person.

She emailed me a copy of it - I don't know if it is just an on line book. It is called Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood by David Coory although I think it is a story based around another book which is called Fascinating Womanhood.

The introduction says -

The Promise of Fascinating Womanhood
When you sincerely apply and consistently live all the ten secrets revealed in this book, you will awaken deep feelings of warm and tender love in your husband. He will respect you and fiercely protect you. He will even adore you, and treat you as a queen.

I would be worried about her to be honest, any man worth being with will appreciate her for who she is. The book sounds like a load of bollocks most probably written by a misogynist!

A quote from an Amazon review "This book is not manipulative, but instead stresses the Scriptural truths of a woman being feminine. The wife is to submit to her husband, and the husband is to take care of (that's what "husband" means) his wife. This book is all about the wife's ministry in her home, and how to enjoy it.

This book isn't just about being a good wife to a husband, but goes so much further. If you are on the fence about getting this book, then you should probably just get it. My top three all-time favorite books are 1) The King James Bible; 2) Fascinating Womanhood, and 3) Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood. If I could only suggest three books to a woman, this would be the trio. "

That says it all to me. However, it is her choice and you have to let her make it. You might need to find a new friend.

That is another weird thing - she isn't religious and neither is he. I never would have imagined that she would submit to anyone. She was always a pretty vocal feminist. Plus they aren't married and have only known each other for 6 months.

I just don't want to cause a fall out as if this all goes wrong then I still want to be there for her.

Oh My God! I've just read a few sections of that book
Link to online version

Advice includes
"Appear to be helpless in masculine matters"
"Have your husband choose what he considers to be an ultra-feminine dress from a pattern book, and make the dress yourself"
"Homemaking is a woman’s life-long career. Do it well"
"Draw up a ‘Certificate of Leadership’ made from cardboard, or make some other symbol of leadership that will last a life time, and present it (as an entire family if possible) to your husband. Tell him (and really mean it) that from now on, you will all follow his leadership 100%."
"We just need to be humble, and willing to trust our husbands’ decisions. We must be prepared to risk our security, our comfort, and our money if need be"

And advantages for having these clearly defined roles and knowing your place..
"This can also protect our children against the risk of homosexuality"
"When you deprive your husband of sexual release for long periods, other women, even plain women, will appear sexually attractive to him, on a physical level"

What a huge pile of bollocks
If I behaved like this book recommended, my DH would think I'd gone mad.

I don't know what you can do about your friend OP. I would struggle to respond to a friend who had turned into a Stepford wife!