i am a grown woman and fretting about whether a man likes me

[Fairy13]

After a hideous split from STBXH I signed up to a dating site, really to boost my confidence a bit, not necessarily to meet anyone just yet.

Started talking to a guy, text eachother everyday, all day. He called me a few times, each time we talked for an hour at a time, seemed to have lots in common, he seemed really nice, genuine.

Went out with him last weekend... got a bit carried away and slept with him.
Unfortunately my ex decided the next morning was a good time to harrass me, it was really embarrassing.

I text him after apologising about that bit, saying I hoped it didn't scare him off and would like to see him again.

He replied and said it was a worry but happy to meet up again. We arranged this sat.

He still texts, but now all he seems to text about is sex. It is interspersed with normal conversation but overwhelmingly sexual.

I really don't just want a fuck buddy - I can't be arsed with that but I don't want to look completely needy and clingy by saying that if I'm completely misread him.

It's been such a long time since I've done this!

Online dating isn't a good way to 'boost your confidence', in my opinion. You have to be pretty thick skinned to wade through the tossers that abound on most dating sites. You also need to be quite clear about what you are looking for - both in your own mind and to prospective dates. Otherwise, it is easy to get trampled on...

I am totally liberal and non-judgmental about first date sex, by the way, but I do think sleeping with an online guy on the first date was possibly misjudged if you don't just want a fuck buddy or are going to feel sensitive about things if it turns out he only wants sex (which is sounds like is the case)? Not meaning to make you feel worse, but I would probably cut contact with him if i were you and take a break to review what you really want.

oh dear.

he thinks he can get easy sex from you and that's taken over from getting to know you properly. maybe he was only after a shag, but lets give him the benefit of the doubt and say that getting sex was too much for him.

text him and say that whilst you loved the sex last time, you can't guarantee there will be sex every time. that you think you went a bit too fast for what you really want. that you'd like to spend time together to get to know each other, if that's what he wants, but no sex for some time ahead.

if he ceases to communicate, he only wanted the sex. if he's a mature and understanding individual, he'll stick around.

if you do date with him again, don't drink and do have unchangeable plans to be home early, alone, so you don't give in to temptation. because if he's nice or not, he'll try to tempt you.

I've just had to give up on a 'suitable' chap ten minutes walk from home, met online, because he tried to be manipulative! we haven't even met in person yet. such a shame - he looked the part, had the right kind of job, lived nearby... but if he's not nice, better to know now than later.

heyho for online dating.

Did you sleep with him straight after the first meeting? If so, then that's why he thinks he can get easy sex from you.

I split with my DP last year. The very next day I lined up a date via OD. I also needed a confidence boost. But sleeping with someone so quickly is only going to lead to heartache when you're not really ready for it. Go dating - date lots of men - but hold off on the sex until you're strong enough to deal with the fallout.

OD is notorious for men who are looking for easy sex so you are going to be more prone to experiencing this if you meet someone online. Have a straight conversation with this guy - you want a proper relationship and you would rather hold off on sex now until you've built something deeper with him. If he runs you have your answer!