Lurked on here for many a moon, and the advice and support is amazing, so thought I would float this one on the Mumsnet ocean, as I'm hoping it may just ease my mind a little (gravitating towards becoming a nervous wreck).
The 'lovely' and loving ex was a dream come true, and we seemed to make each other very happy. Talk of marriage, the works, but he would start to freeze, I was getting ratty due to lousy job, bereavement etc, he then wanted to spend too much time alone (we never lived together) and then he appeared had some recurring anxiety, strops, shouting (his temper started to scare me) even going through my phone at one point.. I was getting the fall out and starting to walk on egg shells
.
So after the latest storming off/silent treatment, I went NC. I decided I did not want a difficult and painful relationship. I Unfriended on fb, and avoided our mutual friends, leaving me really isolated. But knew it had to be done, even though I lost a whole circle of friends too. I only had contact from one of them during this time, so just got on with my own life. However, I felt uncomfortable as he continued to put stuff on fb, my sister would tell me, not referring to me directly, but obviously was about me, the broken heart stuff and some barbed comments too. I ignored it all.
Fast forward a few months, bumped into him (I live around the corner sadly) and I was happy that the ice was broken-as I had dreaded bumping into him and was even avoiding walking around the neighbourhood let alone daring to try getting back to any social events. We had a chat, and I said that there was no need to rake up old feelings, and was pleased to not have to avoid him anymore. But it hurt, so I told him so, and I couldn't be friends.
Next thing, there are e mails analysing what went wrong, e mails to family members saying he still loves me...well, you know how it goes, don't you?!
I sent a very strong message back, telling him to leave it alone, and leave me alone.
A reply came this morning- not very nice stuff, nothing that bad, including-I have a little girl lost act, and regarding fb posts, or anything else, he'll 'do what the f**ck he likes, mate'.
Whilst this is no great shakes I know, some of the abuse that people experience is truly life changing, but I am still stuck in this fall out. I have looked at moving, changing jobs, but nothing has been fruitful so far.
I do feel intimidated, I must admit. I think it's the continuation and the fact that it just will not seem to drop. I am a coper, and have been able to laugh again recently, but just as I am getting over things it pops up to weaken me. It possibly doesn't help that he is popular and no one really knows about his temper and controlling behaviour, just me. (Cassandra syndrome anyone?!)
I am going to be starting group therapy in the next few weeks (hooray! as have lots other stuff going on family wise). I have read lots to try keep my confidence up, and know I need to hold my head up and just ignore everything...I am sick of it though. If I had money I'd jack my job in and just take a bus somewhere new.
I don't think I can do anything else, but there's no reason this situation couldn't continue for a while yet. Is there another way apart from starting new somewhere or just having to put up with this geezer's thoughts and feelings that he's still chucking around?
Thank you for reading. I appreciate being able to at least write this all down! :)