DS meeting Ex new gf. Ouch.

[Solasum]

Ex barely ever sees DS, so I said I didn't mind if he wanted to see him with his girlfriend as well if that made it more likely to happen.

It is happening this weekend for the first time. I feel utterly sick and broken. The idea of him playing happy families with my precious baby aand another woman is killing me. Please tell me it will get easier. I feel like weeping and running for the hills. :(

It's all about the best interests of your dc. What about when you meet someone. You'll be playing happy families with your dc.

As long as he is safe and not at risk don't waste your emotions on thinking about your ex. He's your past. Not worth the emotional energy. Plan something nice for yourself when your dc are with him.

Of course it will get better.
It's bloomin' hard but you will get there.
Don't worry - they will absolutely always love their mum the most!

I am sure having a good relationship with his father is in his best interest.

How old is DC? If you don't trust Ex to know how to look after DC from seeing him so little I'd be inclined to stay for the first meeting between DC and girlfriend if DC is very young to make sure everything seems ok

Though saying this, my ex is a bit clueless with DC, minimum contact, and while girlfriend seems reluctant to see DC, she seems much more reliable then ex when she comes along so it could be positive in the long run. The idea is probably worse than the reality.

He is 6 months

stop wasting your time making it easier for your ex to see him.

if he wants to build relationship he will push for it.
if he asks for it to be with his new partner well so be it. but don't go out of your way to facilitate contact by pushing it.

but without knowing what she like if she has her own kids if she at all maternal you have no idea if they going to play at anything ... if she not used to or doesn't really like babies it is going to be pointless.

much better if she does like babies and does want to be involved? it wont mean they replacing you

She is mid twenties and childless. Presumably she must like the idea of babies at least or she would never have agreed to it?

I'm on the other side of things (I Was the new girlfriend at one point ) and their mother wasn't best pleased ,feeling exactly how you do. I knew this because of spoken to her on the phone after a confrontation. Anyway ,4 years on I can definitely say she feels a hundred times better about things. I don't talk to her often ,I leave all parenting to partner and his ex ,but I've noticed the kids don't feel uneasy round me now and will happily talk to me in front of their mum etc...including showing her pics of mine and partners kids ,their half siblings which she would definitely not have been happy with a few years back.
I think it helped that I wasn't too hands on ,I understood that they had parents ,didn't need me to parent them as well. Kids know who their parents are regardless of how close they get to someone else.

However I don't agree with him having to be with his girlfriend to see his kid. He should want to see her / him regardless of who he's with. Seems like he might just be putting on the doting father act whilst she's around. My partner saw his kids for years without me at weekends and would often pop in to see them during the week. He still does pop in often. He wants to see them regardless of if I'm there or not.

ouch it hurts doesn't it. (still hurts me three years down the line tbh, but thats more to do with my personal feelings towards the new partner who i won't forgive for having an affair with my ex but thats by the by)

It helps if they don't try to do the whole parenting thing, but it also helps if you are quite clear about what you are and aren't happy about. I really lost my rag with them when i found out that a birthday party for DD, on her actual birthday, had been planned to which i was not invited but new partner was. ohhhh i don't fucking think so!!! I made my views pretty clear and to be fair there has been no repetition.

Childishly a party of me wanted my kids not to like the new partner, but of course do i want someone who is a part of their life that they don't like? Not really. Just have to suck it up and smile at all concerned.

Well, I have given them my baby. To be honest, she seems a lot more clued up about babies than he does, so I am confident DS will be well looked after. Ex seems to have a remarkable knack of getting women to do all the work for him!

I highly doubt she wants to be a mum to your baby or to even try and replace you. Keep things amicable. She might accidentally overstep invisible boundaries but keep cool. Being a step mum/new partner is extremely hard but it's in your son's interest for everything to be as calm and friendly as you can manage.