Trying so hard, looking to start again

[LetsHaveNewBeginnings]

Dear Mumsnetters,

I am 24, will be 25 in half a year. I have been finding it hard (after 120 applications since end of Jan, numerous call arounds, specs and agencies) to get a job this year that will help me be independent from my old family home.

The job I had before the contract finished didn't even cover rent let alone bills in my present area (Southeast). Had the same problem when I was living in Glos in 2013 (NMW a hour).

I have done a few work placements and volunteering (I love volunteering) since just to keep my CV going. What to do next? As I really need money, well to live.

I moved back to the village I grew up after my dad died late last year following a decade of declining health. I am desperate to go away again to start again, really would love to met a partner and have a happy close family in my early twenties but feel trapped with no job, debt and lack of mobility. I am determined to be independent.

Most of my family have turned against me, and I feel so alone. I got a email tonight from the oldest brother that was insulting and degrading. My many siblings have called me everything under the sun :( It is not really helping at all, and I have noticed I am now a anxious, angry and depressed version of myself all the time.

Most of my peers, and my friends are in or commuting to London area, so thought about following them there with jobs, etc. I have been learning to drive for a year and three months and not done a test yet (been moved four times this year) :( .

Pluses are I do have friends, relatively comfortable with appearance, volunteer for local sports club and like life.

I just do not seem to be going anywhere. :( All I want out of a life is happiness, I genuinely just want to be happy and change my life for the better. I been getting really broody, and after these last two years of ups and downs, and massive uncertainty, I really would like to met someone and have a baby with them. Start something positive

I am smart and resourceful, so know that I am not going anywhere... help mums netters what else can I do apart from pray it will all be ok?

P.S sorry this is so long!

Hoping to look to better times :)

rephrase this *I am smart and resourceful, so know that I am not going anywhere atm. What else can I do apart from pray it will all be ok?

You're all over the shop aren't you? It is distressing and soul destroying looking for a job. Calm down, look at what you can do. You know you are smart and resourceful so use those qualities. You have friends and are comfortable with your appearance. You are one lucky girl. So use those resources, get your CV out there and enjoy your 20s.

I think you're fantasising about a partner, in part, because you see them as a short-cut to getting away from your family. I don't know why your siblings are being so horrible to you but your self-esteem must be low as well. Having known quite a few people who got into bad relationships because that was their motivation I'd strongly recommend that you work on the job/independence thing first and then think about life partners and children when you're more settled. Realise it's frustrating to feel that you're not getting anywhere.

Sounds like your mobility and location are causing you most of your problems. Maybe you need to broaden the scope of your search to more distant cities like Manchester or Newcastle, or even overseas? City life can be managed perfectly without a car, places outside the S.E. are much cheaper to live and, if you're prepared to relocate, some companies will help with accommodation.

Good luck

One step at a time!

You mention debt. That's something you end up dragging round with you wherever you relocate to. If you can't pay off your cards, then you can't afford them. Target the card with the lowest balance which will be faster to pay off, increase the payment so that it's not the minimum amount. When that one's paid off, look at the next.

What you really need to do is have a look at threads in the Money Matters topic in the Money section, there are some really good ideas and tips from MNers.

A driving licence is useful but if you move to London or another big city it is probable that public transport will be readily available.

London is vibrant and exciting and has so much to offer but I would counsel getting a job before you transfer, even if you know some people already staying there and buy from the cheapest places and take advantage of free events there's only so much sofa-surfing and hanging around mates you can do.

Other cities to consider might be Bristol, Leeds, Cambridge, Cardiff...?

Moving away to a larger area you will have more opportunities to meet people but try looking at friendships first before assessing them as potential partners.

Like Cogito and nespressofan say, build your self-confidence up first, decide which field you are interested in working, polish your CV and put your discouraging family behind you.