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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ExH - does this sound bad to you?

7 replies

Frith2013 · 25/06/2014 23:01

Quick details - ex husband violent/abusive/generally a bad lot. Went to refuge. Got divorced 2005 when sons were 1 and 4.

Since he left he has taken me to court umpteen times, called the police, called social services, been in to school saying I am an unfit mother etc etc. I got sole residency in 2007 or 2008. He has been fairly quiet the last couple of years.

He has had contact, occasionally in contact centres (when he was engaged to a heroin addict and refused to agree to contact without her being present and when he tried to commit suicide and told sons all about it). Besides spates in the contact centre, contact has been unsupervised and OK-ish.

He has run up a hefty criminal record since we divorced including fraud against some elderly people in his mother's road (in a small village). He was found guilty of 20 counts of fraud and banned from living in that particular road for 5 years. I did not know about the 5 year ban until tonight.......

.....tonight I learned he has been evicted (10th time in 10 years as he refuses to pay rent) and has moved back in with his mother. It seems the village is up in arms about this and two of the old ladies he took money from have already contacted the police/local housing association to get him moved.

The question I have is - should I suggest that contact with sons it NOT in his mother's house? They go for tea in the week but I am more worried about every other weekend when they stay Saturday - Sunday. He should not be living there and I imagine the atmosphere is dreadful.

Should I say to wait until he has found himself a new flat?

OP posts:
nespressofan · 25/06/2014 23:06

Contact the police and let them know. Then take it from there.

Fairy13 · 25/06/2014 23:07

Why on earth is he having unsupervised overnights anyway?

I have a similar story with my ex - although he is a little more stable than yours, but still violent/abusive/generally a bad lot

I don't mean to sound harsh - and god knows I've made the same mistake and am waking up to it now... but it's time we realised the impact these men have on our babies.

Is there some sort of court order that says they have to have overnights with him?

Frith2013 · 25/06/2014 23:09

Yes, there is a court order. My legal fees in total were £41,000 (I really didn't want him to have overnight contact!!)

OP posts:
Chocaholicmonster · 25/06/2014 23:32

I agree with Fairy as in I'm shocked he's even allowed unsupervised overnight stays. He sounds like a dreadful person & I'm pleased to hear you've managed to break away from him on a relationship level.

But not to derail from your question - No. I wouldn't allow him to have the children stay with him until he has found himself (yet another) house / flat.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 25/06/2014 23:36

I'm sure other poster will be along who know the system better than me, but if his conviction came after contact was granted, couldnt that be revisited?

Frith2013 · 25/06/2014 23:39

His conviction came in the middle of contact being thrashed out! But we were not made aware of the 5 years no living in that area bit of the conviction. We did have a list of the 20 convictions and the fines he had to pay.

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 25/06/2014 23:39

£41,000??? Who are these bastard useless cloud cuckoo-land judges? I'm horrified. I hope you can sort things out OP Thanks

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