Opinions please!

[Avarose1234]

Hey guys I need some opinions on whether this is the right thing to do or not...

I recently went through a miscarriage - I wasn't with the father but we had been friends for 2 years and for 8 months of the in a casual relationship - anyway from the moment he found out I was pregnant he was dismissive and wanted nothing to do with me or the baby which I sadly went on to loose. When I told him I had miscarried he didn't even so much as acknowledge the message which I thought was wrong that he didn't even say "hope your okay" or something to that effect because as I said we had been friends for 2 years. After about a week I went out drinking to try and have a good time and get over loosing my baby. Rightly or wrongly and because I was emotional and alcohol fuelled I text him telling him I couldn't believe that he'd turned out to be the way he was and I was so upset that he had just abandoned me. He responds saying that it's hard to play games with people who don't give a fuck which I feel isn't a normal reaction to knowing that someone had just gone through a miscarriage and just wanted one word of support or sympathy from someone who had believed for so long that they were a true friend.
Anyway I am friends with one of his friends who know that I was pregnant and went through a miscarriage and that the father was a complete and utter scumbag to me but now I am considering telling them that he was the father so that they know exactly what he is really like and completely embarrass him over his disgusting behaviour which he has hidden from everyone else cause i don't think he has told anyone what has happened.
So opinions please on whether this is a good idea or whether it will end up backfiring on me. All I want is for him to realise that his behaviour was disgusting and that he is wrong in what how he has treated me.

He will never realise that his behaviour was disgusting.

He will always paint himself as the victim in this somehow and you trying to make him see is only going to result in you becoming more frustrated, and being unable to move on with your own life.

Any attempt to smear his reputation is going to add fuel to his fire - give him evidence of your unreasonable behaviour or whatever.

You need to walk away from this with your dignity intact and your head held high. A total fuckbandit like him won't be able to keep up the shiny veneer of his respectability forever anyway. He will be the author of his own downfall in the end, don't you worry.

So sorry about your miscarriage

Do you think it's possible that he doesn't believe that you were really pregnant or could he believe he was not the father? That might account for the comment from him about 'playing games'.

It's evident from his reaction that he just doesn't care. Apparently, he didn't want to be a father and I'm sure that his only feeling is relief so there's no point in trying to embarrass him. And he may very well tell your friends he wasn't the father, it would be 'he said/she said' and you have no way to prove anything.

My advice is to leave well enough alone and concentrate on healing yourself and recovering from your loss. BUT, remember what you have learned from this and use contraception from now on. And choose your partners more carefully. You deserve to be in a real relationship with someone who will value you.

But this is the thing about him not believing I was pregnant. His friend knows that I was because he was with me the day I miscarried and knows I was in and out of hospital. I have thought that maybe his behaviour is because he doesn't believe me. I literally feel like getting my medical notes and throwing them in his face

Again, what's the point? Nothing you do will change things, and really why should you expend the energy that could be better spent on yourself? He. Doesn't. Care, end of. Chances are his friend has probably already mentioned that you had a miscarriage, it would be something that a mutual friend would mention to another mutual friend. If you're looking for some kind of sympathetic reaction from him, you are NOT going to get one.

Let it go.

I agree with PP's. You have nothing to gain from pursuing this. The bloke is an arsehole, as you have found to your cost. Walk away with your dignity intact. You can't reason with an arsehole take it from someone who was married to one for 20 yrs

I have a friend who publicly outed her ex's disgusting behaviour in a very publicly shared email years ago. All it achieved was to make HER look like a nutcase. People recoil from such public displays of anger....even if they are completely justified. Don't do it.

Sorry, no idea why I needed to use the word public so many times, am trying to work and type at the same time. Obviously I should just stick to one of them! :o

Points taken. I just feel that maybe his reaction would be different if he knew that it wasn't made up and then he'd feel remorseful for the way he treated me. Am I really barking up the wrong tree thinking that if he realised I really had been through what I'd been through he'd be sorry?

You are not only barking up the wrong tree, but that 'tree' is actually a telephone pole!

I can't put it more more bluntly than this: Nothing you do or say will make one tiny bit of a difference. He doesn't care about you or what you went through. If you want to feel even worse than you do, go ahead and do what you want. But you'd better be prepared for his reaction.

Firstly, I'm very sorry for your loss. I've been there myself & it's awful so hugs & to you.

Secondly, I wouldn't lower yourself, so to speak, by trying to get his pity, sympathy, 'proving' to him etc... He clearly isn't interested & I'm sad to say, I think all this has marked the end of your friendship.

Please don't take offence to what I next say but I'm guessing it's honest opinions you wanted... Perhaps next time you should A) Use protection & B) Be in a stable RELATIONSHIP with the man in question before getting pregnant again.

No offence taken I whole heartedly agree. I made a very stupid decision to carry on the way I was without precautions especially when it wasn't a relationship and I will learn from that mistake.