I don't know how I feel about dh anymore :(

[littlegreengloworm]

He is sweet and kind in a lot of ways but I feel he takes everything for granted. Dinner on the table, washing done, I have wrote about this already I pay the mortgage on our home and he was another house to pay off but I'm paying double and he has been saving.

It came a bit to a head when he started going on and on about going back to college and we are due second baby soon. We live in a small house, no dishwasher, garden etc and I am really resenting it.

Is so minor but I just found an eaten box of chocolates in his wardrobe and all I can think is selfish !!

Am I just feeling this way due I pregnancy hormones? We have sorted the housework issues a little and I put my foot down and he's now paying keep.

What I am also worried about is that mil (who I like and respect) rang the other day and I blurted it all out. That I felt it was a disgrace that dh married me and is fairly mean with money and he was lucky to have landed on his feet with a woman who could provide him with a free roof over his head

I wish I kept my mouth shut as she is too old to hear stuff like this. Things are really wierd between me and dh. I know he resents having to give me a few hundred towards to mortgage. He owns another house and is in huge negative equity. That's why I don't want a joint account.

How do I move on from this?

Well, if you are married then all your assets and debts are shared - it's not his other house nor is it his negative equity, having a joint account or not doesn't make any difference.

You don't sound very together or as if you have an agreed financial plan or anything. Do you even like him?

I do love him, a lot. I am just annoyed with him making plans for college and moaning about going out to work.

He has a permanent professional job.

Initially he didn't have permanant work when we married so I just got on with it. Things have changed now though with a second baby.

We didn't make a financial plan. The recession hit this area very hard.

You can't move on unless you really feel you've resolved the issues you were facing and have come to a reasonable compromise that you're both happy with.

If you've been candid with your MIL and you said what you really felt then there's nothing to be worried about. Unless you're too chicken-shit to say those things to his face.

He shouldn't be paying you "keep": your incomes should be pooled and all expenses, including paying the mortgage that the tenant's rent doesn't cover, and then what's left is evenly split between you to do with as you please.

Part of me can see why you feel like you're carrying a passenger and I don't think it's got anything whatsoever to do with pregnancy hormones.

He's got a bloody cheek to resent contributing to the household expenses.

Is so minor but I just found an eaten box of chocolates in his wardrobe and all I can think is selfish !!

Just wow. Not minor at all.

Have you sat down with him and told him how your feel?

I spent most of Sunday crying. It doesn't feel right at all. I feel guilty too because he does have to pay toward the other house but it makes me sick that he live in a house share and also paid the remainder of his mortgage too.

Is all crept up on me. In a way mil need to know that everything isn't rosy. I think she got a huge shock.

My own father is disgusted.

Sorry lived in a house share before we married.

He owns a property and owned it before you married, as did you. Neither of these commitments can be shrugged off so you have to keep on paying for them. You were OK paying the mortgage on the house you live in while he paid the difference between what the rent is and his mortgage but until recently those were not equal. Presumably since your talk he's now contributing a fair amount to your household expenses compared to what you are.

It's OK to feel disappointed and taken for a ride when the contributions weren't fair but you either put it behind you and move on or fester.

As to the chocs: I'd put the empty box on the kitchen table and thank him for not sharing. It could appear to be a small thing but you're seeing it as symptomatic and I would too

Talk to him.

I wouldn't have mentioned anything to his Mother though, nor your Dad especially as I don't think you have told your husband how you feel yet. This is not their problem and you don't want them to end up taking sides.

I thought you had agreed to rent out your current place and buy somewhere more suitable together?

He is helping with housework and has given you more money towards your mortgage so yes in a way your at risk of being ott.

Could you not move into his house? Give the tenants notice

Thank You bitter and everyone.

Yes, I think I am letting the resentment build up and I tend to hold grudges which is an ugly trait I have.

I thought he was struggling until I found out he can afford private fees (good few thousand)

Also, when I was on unpaid leave, I had saved enough to cover the mortgage so I just asked him for a small amount. I had to keep asking and I know he begrudged the fact he was off out to work.

I know there is enough there to make it work and I think I will get over it but I feel lately it is a struggle everyday.

I know I rushed into marriage but am lucky to be married and have the children I always wanted. I just didn't plan on being the main provider for us all.

He hasn't given me any money yet and doesn't want to rent.

Doesn't everyone hide chocolates from their partner ?

On the rest of it yes it does sound like he is having an easy ride and I'd be annoyed if my partner decided they wanted to become a student when he has significant financial responsibilities.

I'd maybe stop sharing it all with your DF/MIL. You need to work through your own emotions on this and if you do manage to work it out then it will be hard for your DF to respect your DH again.

Why do you allow him to be so lazy?

I think I need to get off mumsnet and just suck it up. It's real life and I took my vows so I just need to get on with it

Well I think you need to work out if he is really doing anything that bad as you seem to think he is. Talk to him. Maybe he sees things differently to you and you could both come to a better compromise.

Thank you all. We have talked a lot and I think. Things are on track. I just hope dh sees us as a family now in every sense. He is a good husband and stoner but a bit of me imagines him still a single man in ways. Not in terms of social life or anything like that but the whole going off to college thing is immature I think when he should be providing and has permanent work.

We have another option re. Housing and straight away he is agreeable and not fobbing me off with bring happy here. Hs not that happy but it suits him with me paying and him saving. It took me a long time to spell it out to him.

Stoner.. What the f**k?
father

He is not a stoner