Ok here goes. Some advice please on a young relationship.

[AmenGirl]

I have held back from posting as I thought I had it under control. But now I think I could use some wise words.

Boyfriend (22) and I (23) been together a year. We got a flat together which he paid 6 months rent upfront for. He got the money for this by loaning it from a family member of mine.

He has left me and walked out on the flat last week. I was devastated at first but I have been filling my life with lots of good things and I know I can get over this. I am still living in the flat but I do not earn enough to pay for the rent myself.

I have tried to contact him to find out if he wants any help paying back the loan. I feel as I am earning and I do live in the flat it paid for, I should at least contribute. But I have had no replies.

My main worry is that my family member will blame me and make me pay for it even though the loan (and documents and tenancy) is all in his name.

How is best to handle this? Should I stay out of it altogether and focus on healing or should I try to mediate?

I would suggest you stay out of it all together and concentrate on you.
It's not your loan to repay, it's his.
Give over his contact details if you need to but don't get involved otherwise.

Sorry you are going through this.
Do you have a plan now for where you will live?
I hope you have lots of RL support.
You sound strong.
for you

Could you sell it and pay your relatives back and rent a flat instead?

Presumably you wish to continue to have a good relationship with the person who lent him the money? I think you could be in a difficult position - yes it's his loan but this will inevitably bounce back and bite you if he doesn't pay up.
In your position I would be making contact with the lender to offer your co-operation in chasing him for the money and offering to make small regular payments in case he doesn't fulfil his obligations - this could take years to resolve through the courts.

I think you should contact your relative and explain what has happened. I think you should offer to pay half of the money back as yous were both living there? If you're still there you need to move out ASAP if you can't afford to be there as the financial implications will fall to someone else.

Thank you so much. You are all thinking along the same lines as myself really. I have until the very end of September to find a new place to live that is more affordable. It is hard because I love my family member so much and I can't bear for her to be screwed out of money because of my boyfriend's irresponsible manner. She is visiting me on Friday and I will tell her everything then (without crying all over again hopefully!)

Like I said I am happy to pay as much as I can afford from my wages to ensure she gets it all back even though it is not up to me to do so.

Could you get someone to share with you? Then you could take over the tenancy and the loan from this point.

Another possible (although highly unlikely!) option would be to see if you could sub-let to someone else who can afford the flat. Then you could pay back your relative from your tenants' rent iyswim? Although you would need to check with your LL and most do not allow subletting.

Are any of the bills in your name eg utilities? If not, then in theory, you could move out of the flat just now as you have no legal claim to be there. If you do this, put it in writing to your ex that you are leaving the property as the lease is in his name and he is legally responsible for it, and also advise your relative who gave him the loan that you have moved out, and that you will do everything you can to help them recover the money.

What are the terms of the loan? i.e has he been making monthly repayments or was it to be repaid in a lump sum at some future (defined?) date?

Why did your relative lend it to him and not to you or to you both jointly?

Can you offer to pay half of it back? Your share of the rent for the 6 months?

I sent a polite text to him last night offering to help and asking what was the situation now? But have received no reply. He knows where I am if he wants to talk. But as the bills are in his name I am frightened he might not pay them and let me get cut off without telling me. I am happy to take over the bills and the debt I just need to know!

Will see what my family member says tomorrow evening and update. Thank you so much for the advice Mners

Hang on
He borrowed the money? Why wasn't it a joint loan if you were both going to live there?
He is technically liable for half if it, not all of it. However I think you might have to find another option. As you will be living there it's not unreasonable for you to find a way t pay it all. If it's a one bed can you move I to the living room and sublet the bedroom for a few months? Or take foreign students?

You don't need his co-operation to take over the bills, just ring the utility company and tell them he's gone and to put the bills in your name now if they want them to be paid. and if you happy to pay the debt just ask your relative to let you know if he doesn't pay it and you will.

sorry am i being dense, why would you pay his half? I think its right and proper that you pay half, but i think thats it. He left, he made the deal with his relative, in his position i would be glad that you were prepared to repay half tbh.

If your relative was aware they were lending to him, then they took on that risk that you would split up - and even if you hadn't, that he may not be good for it.
Have you already been in the flat for the full 6 months that the rent covered?
If not, morally I would argue that you're now the one benefitting from the loan, so should pay back what you can.
How soon can you get out of the flat?
It sounds like everything is in his name?
If you're not joint and severally liable, and it is his tenancy alone, get out now. Literally now. The landlord will only be able to chase him. Go to parents, or rent something you can afford. But do check what you're liable for.
It is very odd - him borrowing from YOUR relative to pay what is partly your rent.

You do say the tenancy is in his name...? His flat, his problem. Why haven't you just moved out?

To clear up confusion I'll just state the facts. We met, we became bf and gf. He wanted to get a flat in his name that he could move into. His LL wanted 6 months upfront in rent (April-Sep 2014) and the only person who would lend him that cash in full was my family member. She was happy to lend it as he was becoming part of the family.

Every month he has paid the loan back in parts (divided by 6 of course) just like a rent payment. I have been living with him in the flat but I am not on the tenancy, I am not on the loan agreement, I am not on the bills. I am like a guest. I use my wages to buy the food and bits and bobs for the house. That is the end of my involvement.

Now 3 months in he has left and moved back to his parents. I am still in the flat as it is already paid for until September. Before the end of the 6 month tenancy I will of course be moving into my OWN flat by myself.

The PROBLEM is that half of the loan is still unpaid and IMO I suspect that because he isn't living in the flat it paid for he believes I should take over the repayment of the loan. Which is wrong but as I am close to my family member and wish to protect her, I WANT to pay it.

I do wish he would grow up and take responsibility for what has happened. You can't just bail out on life like this, it's pathetic. But soon it will all be behind me and hopefully me and my family member can both move on.

You should pay half. I'm confused as to why it's his problem to pay it back if you've both been living there.

Wow - that's some update.
Can you go somewhere else?
Move in with family or friends until you find somewhere.
This is totally not your responsibility at all!
Tell him you will be moving out of HIS flat as of now and he can move back in.
That you will give LL and all the utility people his current address so they can chase him for payments due.
Jee-wizz. What a prize twat.
You are well out of that one!
Stop being his doormat though. Get out of HIS flat and start your own life from now!
I am seriously!

You should pay it. Surely you don't expect your ex to continue paying for the flat you are living in?

Or else move out now and absolve yourself of responsibility. You can't continue to live there and not pay though, IMO.

I'm not sure anyone is understanding the situation really but I'm grateful for the replies regardless, it's been good for me to write down what's happened.

Anyway, an update and final close, my family member visited and she was totally nice and sympathetic. We've agreed for me to pay his loan back at a reduced rate I can afford and then at the end she will help me to move out to a new place.

Staying strong, staying positive and focused and happy. Thanks MN

AmenGirl I'm glad you've resolved the situation amicably. It wouldn't have been right for you to have stayed in a paid-for flat and not repaid any money. You have benefited from 6 months' accommodation and you can't ignore that despite the fact that your ex lacks principles. Well done

I feel your bf did this very clever calculation...
In April he moved in - 6 months of loan.
Did he paid your relative 3 months of loan back by now?

He left after 3 months, I guess in his head HE decided it is your time to pay the reminding 3 months of loan.

However as bills are in his name - he has to pay them unless you are going to take them over.

Put up and ad offering to sub let one room to help you to pay your part of the loan so your relative is not out of her pocket.

this could have been a lot worse. if everything is in his name and you think he wont start paying up for the rent etc, you don't start paying it and put whatever you would have put towards it back to your family member. deserves what he gets and theres nothing he can do about it.