Need to hear opinions please!

[Feellikerubbish]

After 18 years together and having two young children, we are still not agreeing in terms of housework and keeping house tidy and would like to hear your experiences and what your house is like. This will be shown to my other half as i think he is being unrealistic.

Other half works very long hours therefore, childcare and house work is mainly left to me. Once in a while, he will give the house a really thorough clean and then complain that i cannot keep it that way. He has a thing with keeping the place clean and tidy as i think he grew up in a very messy household.

Me on the other hand, work part-time and am able to do the school run, cook, clean, bath kids and bedtime routine. I do what is necessary after kids go to bed, this includes washing clothes, ironing, preparing everything for the next morning, tidy up etc. I don't end up with much time to myself.

I agree the house is untidy some days with toys, clothes laying around but not any messier than any other household with kids that i have seen.

What is your house like and how do you keep on top of things or keep the house spotless (if it's possible)?

Make a suggestion then. Tell him you'll go full time, let him go part time. Then instead of him just occasionally running around the house with a duster like a tit in a trance, do it day in day out. He might lose his enthusiasm (and probably the will to live).

We're one adult and one teenager and our house runs as follows... I pay a cleaner to give it a thorough going over once a week and in between we are both responsible for keeping the place tidy, clearing rubbish, filling dishwashers and washing machines, pegging stuff out to dry etc. I do most of the cooking but DS is responsible for other jobs like putting out bins and cleaning my car. He has to be reminded (he is a teenager) but I see him as a 'work in progress'.

In short... everyone in a house, young or old, working full-time or not, mucks in and does what needs doing, preferably without being asked. Moaning is not tolerated. Any complaints about standards should be addressed to the management... who will ignore them. :)

You judge what you need to do with how much leisure time you both get.
You should both get the same amount of leisure time.
I bet he gets a lot more than you do.
When you say long hours - how long?
What time does he leave and what time does he get home.
Does he work weekends?

I have a 16yo DD and my house is not particularly tidy.
Both OH and Iwork full-time and neither of us are that bothered about housework. It is usually is a decent state. I don't like clutter etc...
We both go to the gym. He has a hobby that he does on a Thursday and a Sunday.

We do a blitz of the house together at the weekend.
He does bathrooms, hoovering, and tidying.
I do kitchen, mop floors and dust downstairs.
We do washing as and when. He does his and I do mine. (He has a messy job and I can't be doing putting my hands in pockets to clear them, so he has to do that)
My DD is obviously expected to do her own.

We both shop. I do more than him though.
I tend to cook. He does do it occasionally.
He will always do the dishes.
I often don't really eat a dinner in the evening so he will sort his own dinner out (beans on toast usually).
He usually mows the lawn, although I did it this weekend (go me!)

He always makes me a cup of tea in the morning. Makes his own lunch before he goes out to work.
He does a physical job and works long hours. On a Saturday as well usually.
But I have a 2nd job and work on a Sunday.

It's pretty even. I think he does a bit more than me though. He's a do-er. Not good a relaxing.

Just make sure he doesn't think of housework and childcare as 'Womens work'
That's a recipe for a disrespectful, misogynist who will never pull his weight.

DH works full time, long hours. I work 20 hours a week as a nurse.
I do all the washing, ironing, majority of shopping and cleaning, organising re DC birthdays, cooking, school runs, etc.
DH does the gardens, general maintenance stuff, DIY, sorting out the recycling bins etc.
I consider this a pretty fair division of labour. DC are 11 and 9 so maybe we don't have as much mess as with younger ones but I do a general clean once a week and a bit of mopping and hoovering on my days off. The place isn't spotless, I don't think it ever will be with two boys but at the end of each day most things are put away where they are meant to be and that is good enough for me.

OH works from lunchtime approx to at least midnight 6 days a week. I do all the housework and he does the heavy duty work like DIY and mowing lawn. Similar to you CPtart except our kids are under 6.

I just don't like hearing "the house is a dump" or "i just spent two hours cleaning and the next day it is messy again". I just cannot keep it to his expectations.

We have different expectations, i like a house cleanish and not too bothered if a little messy. I think it's more important to spend quality time with the kids spend some time relaxing for myself too. He on the other hand cannot sit still or relax and as soon as something has to be done, it HAS to be done ASAP!

I think it's hilarious that he says about cleaning then it's messy the next day.

That's like saying "I just spent two hours cooking, and then the next day you're hungry AGAIN!"

No shit! Yes, it's frustrating when you spend ages cleaning then the next day bit and bobs need re-doing. It's a never ending task - made a million times more difficult with the presence of children. But that's life, so fucking deal with it!!! If you live in a home then stuff gets messed up. Unless you live in a show home where you have plastic covers on the sofa and aren't allowed to touch anything.

Maybe you guys can try and compromise - is there something specific that he would like being kept cleaner? For example, I'm not so bothered about the bedroom or living room, but like to keep the kitchen and bathroom in good shape, so clean them everyday. It's something about kitchens are where you prepare food, and bathrooms get disgusting so quickly it's just better to keep on top of it.

Perhaps you could agree to keep one room in slightly better shape than present, but he has to accept that you are not a full time cleaner!!

So that's a 12 hour day.
Same as a lot of people including my OH.

If he has OCD it is a condition that needs treating.
Can he see a GP about it?
But frankly, if you are happy doing what you do and he isn't, then it's up to him to clean it better if that's what he wants.
As soon as he starts whinging. Tell him to stop it, you have done your bit to your standards and he isn't to complain or you won't do it at all.

Sounds exhausting to be honest!

i just spent two hours cleaning and the next day it is messy again
Funny, but it happens the same to me. That's the nature of housework.

He on the other hand cannot sit still or relax and as soon as something has to be done, it HAS to be done ASAP!
But does he? Or he expects you to?

I suppose you could be more on top of tidying up and keeping it clean, but it should be a shared job between all of you.

Even with children under 6, there is no good reason for clothes to be lying around the house. And even young children can be taught to tidy up reasonably.