Telling someone you don't want to get back together

[Hesaysshewaffles]

Split with ex 18 months ago after his affair. For 6 months I did the whole pick me dance and begged him to give us a chance. I then gave up and went my own way. A few months ago he expressed an interest in getting back together but it was brushed under the carpet.

He has now basically said he desperately wants to get back together, whereas I no longer do. I have only platonic feelings now.

I still care for him and I'm bricking it as don't know how to tell him.

Any ideas?

I would show him just a little more consideration than he showed you when he screwed around and be brutally honest. 'It's over'.... no more explanation than that required. And then I suggest you operate a strict no contact until he gets the message.

Change your number and ignore all attempts at contact

There's no dilemma or difficulty here. "I've got used to life without you, and am much happier now. That's not going to change, Goodbye."

Thing is we were together nearly 11 years and we have a child together and we are on good terms, so I don't want to rock the boat, but at the same time I feel well pissed off that it's taken him so long and I don't want to hurt him.

Bitter I actually like your suggestion! I might build on that

If anyone rocked the boat, surely it's the one that screwed around, broke your heart and trashed the family? It's not rocking the boat to say 'it's over'. And if he's hurt, so what? Did he give a shit about hurting you, making you demean yourself to win him back?

Find your anger, love.... you need it.

Mine tried this too.

We had a sit down chat and I just said,

Thank you for admitting you were wrong. However, there is no chance of us getting back together again. I don't love you anymore and I like my life now without you in it.

That was that. He accepted it and we both moved on.

As Cogito says - he didn't give a damn about hurting you.

Don't try not to hurt his feelings. He doesn't deserve it at all.

Yes, make sure he knows that his actions destroyed your love for him.

I had to do this under similar circumstances..and was bricking it . I went with ' after everything that has happened I'm not sure things could ever be the same between us and I'm not sure I would ever be able to love you again in the way that I did...so I think it's better for both of us if we focus our efforts on a good co parenting relationship blah blah blah

An alternative/additional thing to point out:

Trust is a massive component in a relationship, and I fear that now I know that you cheated on me, I would not be able to have a healthy relationship with you.

Neither of us would want a life where we are worrying about each other's fidelity. It's best we move on separately.

Agree WWKnew. Trust is the biggest thing. I tried for two years to make things work after ExH's one night stand. Despite him saying and doing all the right things.

He made a further minor mistake having had to much to drink 2 years later and that was the final straw.

Its hard to find peace when the seeds of doubt are planted. Day to day its ok but in the long term situations come up that make you question and eventually it eats away at you.

I didn't want to live like that.

Sometimes its better to move on and not go back.

Tell h

Tell him nicely if he wanted to be with you he should have thought about that before jumping into bed with another woman. You care about him? I think your wasting your emotions here. I hope he feels absolutely crushed when you tell him!

Why are we, as women, conditioned not to "upset" men? Seriously, just say no, no expectations nesscessary.

Alternatively laugh raucously and wipe the tears from you eyes.

Explanations, doh.

I think you are giving too much credence to his feelings.

People like this often have very shallow feelings (jumping from one woman to the next with "I've never met anyone like you" type bs) so please just say what you actuslly want to say. He won't be that bothered, honestly.

And also please think on when you've told him, I'll guarantee that within a couple of weeks/ maximum months, he'll be madly in love with someone else and you'll wonder why you bothered worrying about his 'feelings'.