Single and pregnant

[MojitoCake]

I don't really know where to start but I'm 32 weeks pregnant and I feel so upset I'm not with exDP. I was with exDP for five years prior to the pregnancy, although in this time I only met his parents a handful of times as they have always wanted him to marry a Jewish woman (as exDP and his family are Jewish), despite exDP now nearing 40 and I'm the closest to a serious relationship he's ever had. I know exDP's friends and I feel so upset and embarrassed whenever I see them.
The pregnancy was unplanned and exDP finished with me as soon as I told him I was pregnant, we haven't really spoken since. I knew it would be problematic as we're not married but I thought he would come round and his parents would, eventually, accept the baby and be wonderful grandparents. I wish exDP would at least be a part of the baby's life as I feel my baby is missing out on a father and- what would be- fabulous grandparents. His parents don't even know I'm pregnant with their grandchild.

My own friends and family have been great but I just feel so alone and like my baby has a 'bad' start.
Any advice/shared pain?
Should I tell the grandparents? Maybe invite exDP over when the baby is here?

I feel so lonely and like everybody else has a partner.

Hello, someone wise once told me unplanned babies are the best sort

I wouldn't waste too much time worrying about your ex, to leave you because you are pregnant is low and says all you need to know about him.

Focus on thinking about you and your baby.

You may want to post in the lone parent section, we are a friendly bunch I have raised my now 8yo dd on my own since pregnancy and it has been great, obv hard at times but i count myself very lucky to have a wonderful dd who I get to keep all to myself!!

Hi op. I was in the same situation. I was gutted that ex dumped me when pregnant but I don't give a toss about him now I have my lovely dd. your ex is an idiot who is loosing out.

I would forget about it all until the baby is here and you are in a routine. Then I would probably tell the grandparents. And register your ex with the child support service or whatever it is called now. I was pregnant and single and my one regret is expending so much energy on the father, who was acting like a dickhead.

Better now than when baby can wave at dada.
You will be ok.

It says a lot about a man when he leaves a woman because he is prepared to date a woman for five years, and then leave when she gets pregnant.

If I were you, then I would tell his parents. You are not some dark shameful secret that he needs to hide away.

That said, please don't try and "persuade" him to come back. He has already shown his feelings towards you - it would be a huge knock to your self respect to get back together with a man like that.

He has basically been treating you like a concubine - good enough to live with, sleep with,etc. Not good enough to marry or have children with.

I've been a single parent since birth and that's 14 years ago now. Unlike your ex, my DS's Dad has been happily involved in his life, although we weren't really 'together' at the time or since. Children accept the world as they find it and as we present it. Others may apply their own narrow-minded prejudices about lone parents or only children but that's their problem, not yours.

Having said that, it is true that being a lone parent is a challenge. I strongly recommend that you should only involve people in the project that are 100% behind you, supportive, loving and kind. Your exP sounds like a selfish, irresponsible twat and - even though I know you would like to create 'Happy Families' - be realistic about what he or his parents would actually bring to the party. Already they regard your lovely baby as inferior because you are not Jewish. You certainly don't want a family pressurising you into genital mutilation.

I really wouldn't contact his parents. They will be hostile to you and that is the last thing a vulnerable, pregnant woman needs right now.

This man dropped you like a hot potato when you became pregnant - is this really the sort of man you want as a role model for your child?

Let him do the running. If he wants to be a part of this child's life, he can bloody well step up and make the effort. That is not to say you should not pursue him for child support - you absolutely should and you owe it to your DC to do so.

While I think all children deserve a relationship with BOTH their parents, they do not need to go through the heartbreak of being rejected either, so that is why I advocate letting him do the running.

CogitoErgoSometimes - if you could put your prejudices away for a moment, you might notice that OP said the problem was that she and Ex DP were not married, not she she isn't Jewish. Maybe the GPs have few illusions about their son, and are pleased that they will at least get a grandchild through him. I know lots of GPs who have been delighted to help out in these circumstances....

I was in a similar situation to you when pregnant. DD's father didn't want to know. I got in touch with the grandparents when DD was about 9 months old. I wrote a letter, didn't say anything controversial, just that I'd had a baby, their son didn't want anything to do with DD but as grandparents they were welcome to get in touch. I heard absolutely nothing back.

Subsequently, I got in touch with DD's father last year (she's now 13) to try and get some kind of contact between the two of them. In some respects it's working - they're in touch, have met a couple of times. Speaking to him last year, he said that his mother read the letter, went ballistic, never told her husband and decided to ignore it.

So, just be prepared - you may hear nothing or they may be horrible to you and support their son. They might be decent people, but judging by how their son's acted, they might not. So try not to have any expectations.

@SamG76... I only met his parents a handful of times as they have always wanted him to marry a Jewish woman The implication is clear that the OP is not 'a Jewish woman' and the parents looked down on her.

Hi OP

First off, not everyone that is pregnant has a partner, i was single all the way through both of my pregnancies'.

Secondly, i would tell his parents, they may or may not want to be involved, but at least you can say you tried and its their loss

Hi OP. My partner and I split up before my DS was born and he is no longer in his life (his choice). Bringing my DS up alone has given my DS the best start in life possible - he is in a loving, supportive and encouraging family that pays attention to his needs and meets his emotional and physical requirements. That family is me and my parents (and them only to a certain extent). Not having a father figure in his life is not something he misses or wants (at least not yet). You aren't alone, but be careful about who you choose to surround your son with (whether family or friends) in future.

pretty much everything cogito said. basically. And I get lonely too sometimes, but not half as lonely as I was when I was with ExP. You're not alone - there are loads of us :)