My head is all over the place, please come and talk to me

[JesusWeptYetAgain]

I'm just all over the place at the minute. I'm in a verbally abusive relationship, my partner hasn't always been like this, or maybe he was but on a smaller scale so i didn't notice, but for the last year or so ive had him verbally rip me to shreds on a regular basis. When he does this i feel absolutely worthless. And despite my threats to leave him he still carries on.

Over the last couple of months ive sort of become numb to it, i don't cry anymore, i just sit there and take it, may sometimes argue back, but to be honest ive just had enough, its dawning on me that i deserve better, that he has no respect for me and if what he says to me on a regular basis is true then he actually has nothing but contempt for me.

I'm at the point where i know id be better off on my own, yes i may struggle but it will be a hell of a lot easier.

But this is the thing, ive had my head turned by somebody else. This man is kind and complimentary to me, i wonder why i put up with such a douch bag when i could be with somebody like this guy, who actually treats me with respect. Nothing has ever happened with this man by the way, he has absolutely no idea how i feel about him, and i would never cheat, but i have a huge crush on this guy.

So now im wondering, have i fallen out of love with my partner because of his vile behaviour, or is it just because i have a crush on somebody else.

I don't know what to think or do to be honest, my head is up my arse.

Somebody please give me some opinions or advice :(

Gosh just read that back, i sound pathetic

Why do you stay with your partner? I don't mean that in a snidey way btw- genuine question. What does he do that's nice? What's he bringing to your life in terms of kindness or positivity?

You DO deserve better. It might not be head turn guy and you should probably separate the two BUT - being someone that took a risk that worked out for me, its not the craziest thing to do.
However, if you can leave the idiot and remain neutral with the other, until you settle yourself etc, you should.
But no one can blame you for having your head turned, your partner sounds vile and you should get away.
You dont sound pathetic, you sound a lot like I was a while back, and Ive come through it

You don't sound pathetic at all. You sound stressed.

yes, you do deserve better. And I agree with somedizzy - please don't think you are making a choice between these two men: sort your position out with your current partner before even thinking of another guy.

Sorry I agree with greenlight

You are not pathetic. You DO deserve better. I imagine you have fallen out of love with your partner because he's a bastard and due to this it is easy to find somebody else attractive and to be flattered. My advice would be to leave your partner, focus on yourself (verbal abuse is horrific, maybe consider counselling? Your doctor should be able to help with this). Once you have focussed on yourself then see what happens with Mr Headturn. Sometimes we have to take a gamble to make out fortune, but first focus on getting out of this relationship. All the best and you DO deserve better, never forget that!

Yeah, it's not working for you is it. I'd suggest getting out as soon as you can.

I stay for the security aspect i guess. Although he is vile to be he would never see me go without anything i need. He dotes on our children and id feel sad seperating them, but at the same time i feel like he's doing that all by himself, like am i supposed to put up with this? Absolutely not. Its taken me a long time to realise that I'm actually worth more than this.

For a long time i think it was fear that if we split up id be on my own forever, id never meet anybody else, and i think that this other person has made me realise that actually i am good enough for somebody else, that i actually wouldn't be on my own forever (not meaning that id be with him or anything iykwim) that little bit of attention from somebody else has opened my eyes i think

And despite my threats to leave him he still carries on.

Your solution is in that short sentence. The bloke you fancy is a side issue. Leave your abusive relationship for yourself not for some fella.

I can so understand how some attention from someone outside has helped you regain a sense of your worth. You DO deserve better.

Still, now you know you don't need to stay out of fear, don't jump into the arms of the first plausible alternative.

I wouldn't make any moves on this man after splitting from my partner, id give myself time to sort my head out as much as id love to jump him right now

OP it's not a choice between men. It's you choosing life, a better life and building your confidence/self esteem up and rediscovering yourself. Of course you'll turn heads, of course you're good enough for someone else, more to the point you're too nice, to good for your current partner. Get rid is my advice and start living again.

Your head doesn't sound all over the place at all. You sound quite certain of yourself: you want to leave your P; you think that life would improve as a result. And you would want to be single for a while afterwards, but it's nice to know there'll be options in the future.

All sounds quite reasonable!

Any plans in place re leaving?

Just seeing what help id be entitled to, i have a 2 year old and don't work so think id qualify for income support?

Don't forget that your ex would have to provide maintenance for your child and that is not currently counted as income for the purposes of benefits. The www.turn2us.org.uk site has a benefits checker that you might find useful. If you got yourself a job Tax Credits would kick in and offset a lot of the child-care costs. You may be better off than you think.