How to decide whether to allow unsupervised contact

[wonderstuff99]

Hi all,

Long story short, ex moved out little over 2 weeks ago after a domestic which involved him nearly punching me and not letting me leave the house. The police were called by myself and he was told to leave the property. His dad died in Dec and his temper and depression have gradually been getting worse

He's been staying at his sisters in London (we're in the Midlands) and last weekend came up to see DS which was supervised by my sister. I told him going forward that if he wanted unsupervised contact, he needed to show he was dealing with his mental health issues and anger management, through a 3rd party if he didn't want to tell me directly.

I just called him now to arrange time and further dates when he could come up to see DS and he asked if he could see him unsupervised. I said that he still needed to show me or a 3rd party that he was dealing with his issues, and he basically said he didn't feel comfortable/happy doing this. I said the ball was in his court, that I was happy for him to see DS when we had arranged, unsupervised when he has shown he is addressing his problems.

I am now in a quandary. I bent over backwards for him for the past 6 years, as has my family. And now I feel we've reached breaking point. I have told him my concerns and given him my feelings, which he won't play ball with. So now I am left with the following choices:

1. Let him see DS unsupervised so DS gets to see his dad. Although he seemed very calm and loving at the weekend, I have seen him snap and become aggressive at the smallest things the past few months. So whilst I think he is calm NOW, I can't vouch for that everytime.
2. Stand my ground and wait for him to come round. The result of this, I am unsure when DS will see his dad. And therefore, DS is the one who suffers.

I suppose I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Whilst I ultimately feel standing my ground is the best option in the long run, I know DS missed him terribly. At the same time, I'm also thinking of things in the long run, eg if I allow him to see him unsupervised now and things get bad again and I try to stop this, it will get thrown in my face that I let him have unsupervised visits quite soon after I had called the police.

Any advice welcom

Stand your ground. F he can't be arsed to see his son you'll find out quickly enough. None of this is your doing, nor are you blocking contact.

Thanks, thats what I'm going to do. He's just shown me how unstable he is by claiming I'm lying about him trying to hit me. So the dent in the fridge must have appeared by itself and I must be a good liar for the cops to believe me. Abusive Knob.

You're imposing reasonable, understandable conditions on someone who really needs to get their faeces together. He needs to be shown that his current behaviour and attitude is unacceptable and that it's your way or the highway. Do not budge on this. If he loves his kid he'll come round.

What do you want him to 'show' you?

Anger management courses can take months to get onto. Have heard they are rubbish snd don't even work.