Do narcissists notice/care when you go no contact?

[KingJoffreysBloodshotEye]

Have done so with SiL. It's been about a month.

Have had a few texts, all of which I've ignored and deleted.

Feeling MUCH better, less anxious, less stressed, etc.

However, I'm unsure if it's 'over'.

What's the usual procedure? Do they forget quickly and move on? Or do they not really give a shit anyway?

I've sort of gone nc with a narc relation in that I don't answer phone calls or texts unless I need to. So no more hours of delusional self aggrandising chit chat.
I only contact through email as it's easier to avoid getting sucked in. It's done my blood pressure a world of good. I'm not sure she's noticed- I doubt it and it'll never occurred to her that I could find her mind numblingly dull.

I do think they notice eventually. Mine fell out with her brother a few years ago after she believed badly again. He on the other hand decided not to play and went nc. After she has finished her tantrum, blaming him, making up stories etc she did notice after about 2 years that she had shot herself in the foot. She then pretended a minor complaint was a much more serious illness in order to reestablish contact.
It's unbelievable the lengths they will go to to manipulate people but they can't help it- their thought processes are not normal.

"Can narcissists help being narcissists? Do they have a choice? This is a genuine question."

You have to split personality from behaviour. We all have innate personality tendencies - bad and good - but whether we act on them or not is always a choice. I think, putting it simply, narcissistic types learn that their particular behaviour gets them what they want. They also derive their self esteem from believing themselves to be superior to others and the centre of attention.

CogitoErgoSometimes, that makes a lot of sense. As I said, my father was able to control himself if he could see the benefits or if he knew a tantrum wouldn't produce the goods.

Love your user name, btw!

Thank you :)

Feck. Who mentioned the flying monkeys?

:(

She text DP today asking why I was no longer on facebook. I am, I just blocked her and any of her friends. She made snitty comments every time I posted something and after she 'attacked' me seeing her massive face just really upset me.

She also said I hadn't responded to any of her (3) texts.

I hadn't told DP I'd removed her from FB. He knew she'd spoken to me like shite and I was moving on, not sure he knew if I was being serious.

He does now. I told him I was still getting over a NB and anxiety Disorder and can't be around her at the moment. I told him I hadn't responded to her texts because I didn't know what to say.

Not sure what he text back to her. I told him to say whatever he wanted. I think he just text back that he didn't know.

hoping she does get abusive. Be nice to have something in black and white to prove I'm doing the right thing.

oh yes,

I had a sil exactly the same (once)

she never verbally abused her own db's. only the sil's.

so eventually I had to remove her from my life.

if dh wants to see/communicate with her, all well and good,

but I have had enough.
NC

the only way to preserve your peace.

She made snitty comments every time I posted something and after she 'attacked' me seeing her massive face just really upset

Snap! The last time my mil made a snide comment about a pic I posted, I replied underneath " how can you see this - I thought I'd blocked you?" I then got my friends to post under it "ha ha ha"

Extremely childish I know but it worked. She also removed the comment that she posted

Oh dear joffrey looks like you might have the Hoovering variety of life-sucking leech there :/

mehsmum I think myself that people with personality disorders could choose to act differently at the start of their ... illness, if you can call it that, it's a bit controversial. They could but often don't. (there are exceptions).

Later on, the patterns of behaviour they have chosen become inflexible and they are no longer able to change. There seems a tiny possibility that they could, each individual incident, choose to behave differently ... but it becomes very clear that they will never take that chance to behave better.

Later on still it seems that the behaviour patterns become so ingrained they loose all possibility of behaving differently. They're kind of so far down the path they don't even realise they could go back and be different.

Only a theory of mine! (and also, some individuals have the 'illness' but actively choose to try to behave differently and they tend to get better. There are at least two posters who have PDs who are open about it on these boards, both with Borderline PD. They've fought like hell to change their behaviour and have succeeded. There was also an interesting thread a bit ago about people with psychopathy who actually lived pretty well adjusted and non-damaging lives).

So in summary, often (but not always) with people with PD, it does seem as if they could behave better but generally choose not to, until the point comes the chance of behaving in a reasonable way atrophies and they're left with the inflexible, usually pretty bad patterns of behaviour.

Thanks Meerka. I think your theory might have psychiatrists screaming at you but it reflects what I saw of my father.

I think he had an element of choice, because he could turn on the charm like a bloody tap. Maybe being pleasant/civilised took an effort on his part, and he didn't think it was worth his while to do that for his daughter and his GCs.

Hi King, I have gone NC with my NPD,SIL on several occasions. It feels great but I have never managed it long term as I eventually have to see her at family events etc. It is pleasant not having the contact but the moment we speak again she has a big, smug grin that I interpret to say 'i knew you would miss me'.

No idea if it affects her at the time. I suspect she tells everyone that she is not talking to me.