please help me get a grip

[letitgoletitgoletitgo]

After being single for 2 and a half years i've started to think it may be nice to be involved with someone again.
My friend told me about an aquaintence of hers, who as well as being v good looking , also shares quite a bit in common with myself. Anyway so i messaged him on fb just to say he'd caught my eye (totally not the type of thing id do usually). To my pleasent suprise he replied the next day and asked if id like to go for breakfast! i was v nervous but we met and chatted loads, didnt feel awkward and since then weve met a further 3 times but no kiss! Im not shy but because 3 out of 4 times have been a quick day time meet there hasnt been an opportunity. Im also bit cautious as he mentioned hes having casual sex with other ppl at the mo n i dont know if that was a hint that hes not interested but he told me that on second occasion so why has he bothered meeting me since?? I suppose i know he jyst must not fancy me but im bit gutted as i really like him. I swore i wouldbt contact him until he messaged me - last spoke/saw each other Thu but i caved today n sent him a text asking how he is :/ . How do i stop being so needy / clingy/ desperate ?I dont want want to b alone forever :(

I wouldn't even bother contacting him t tell him anything. Just walk away.

*to

I'm sorry but it's not assertive to say you're 'confused' that its 'obvious I like you' and 'I you want to carry on as we are, that's just great'.... That's saying you like him and you're happy to just bask in his gorgeousness with just a little coy flutter of the eyelashes at the end with the bit about fuck buddies.

I can see you're not used to this dynamic. What do you WANT from this relationship? A friend, a lover or a regular boyfriend?

Hell no - do NOT send that.
Blimey - that does sound desperate.

Oh god please don't say that, it sounds terrible!

Why not tell him you are looking for a serious relationship when you next chat, ask if he knows anyone he can fix you up on a date with.

I think if this guy was interested romantically you would know. Like others said, telling you about his sex life says to me he doesn't see you as a prospect for any kind of relationship.

Oops ok, how do.i let him know what i want withoiut talking about it tho? What should i.say / do? what i would like is a relationship, doesmt have to be serious but honestly wouldntt mind keeping as a friend either as we get on well.

You've only seen him 3 or 4 times, why the rush? Unless you've got a potential boyfriend lined up why not just keep calm and see what happens, then you won't have spoiled a friendship if that's all it's going to be.

Maybe he is one of those tactless, honest to the point of total stupidity types, they exist. That would fit with few compliments and telling you about his sex life. However, and this is the best case scenario, if he is one of these honest sorts, and he isn't complimenting you, it will be because he honestly can't see anything he wants to gush about. If he is like this, and I have known plenty of people like this, never ask if your bum looks big!

As regards asking about relationships...whats the hurry, you have only seen him four times for quick dates. How can you possibly know you would want to get involved.

Thank you both yep havent known him long and maybe i should let nature take its course. Ive never had a relationship that hasnt started with sex so no kising is highly unusual for me. Also people ssying if it hasnt happened by now then hes not into me!

Ive never had a relationship that hasnt started with sex

Then maybe it's time for a change?
He could be an awful charmer/player, and he could prefer you as a friend to a romantic interest, but he might also be one of those straight types who want to get to know someone they might have a relationship with before progressing it.

None of us know what he's like without meeting him, so I'd just enjoy what you're having and not stress yourself too much about where it might be leading.

I agree it sounds like he wants to be your friend and enjoys your company. It's a start so don't rush things. I don't see why you have to confront him and make him lay his cards on the table as it were. Well I do see why you want to know where you stand and fair enough. But just take it gently if you can.

Maybe, he wanted to be totally honest with you about how is and what he is, perhaps he genuinely likes you and doesn't want to add you to his stable of fuck buddies. So wait and don't rush to get your kit off.

Thank you all! Brilliant advice from mumsnet as ever! You know what we live in an age where everything is so instantaneous that its easy to rush things and it may be wise to just live in the moment with no pressure , so if anything does end up happening itl be more genuine. Xx

we live in an age where everything is so instantaneous that its easy to rush things and it may be wise to just live in the moment with no pressure
that's exactly what was going through my mind too

Yep, imagine he thinks your different and then you go in there waving your knickers in the air...he'll just sign you up as a FB, and this achieves...nothing.

Haha! Yes when you put it like that mini i can picture how ridiculous i could come across and what a mess i could make of somethimg that could have otherwise been quite pleasent! Its somethimg tbh that ive done in the past and ended up completley scaring men off. I will reign it in!!

He went on a date with you and he had a love bite? And you think he's attractive?

He sounds skanky to me, good looking or not.

He's not paying you compliments either? Gosh you'll be eating out of his hand when he deigns to give you one then.

This is really someone that you walk away from. You're going to get messed up by this bloke.

If he wanted to be your boyfriend or head that way he would make it happen. He's quite capable of doing that. Read why men marry bitches. It's a good wake up call to stop doormat behaviour. Worked for me.

Some men like the chase, then once you have caved he might move on. Use him for what he is and it will distract you. When your not looking you will meet someone ??