Spicing up sex life

[Mimitralala]

Hope this is ok in this thread. Dh and I have been trying to spice things up a bit. With the hot weather he keeps suggesting using ice lollies. Basically he wants to stick it in which I'm not happy with. Now he says how about ice cubes. Am worried about infections. He says it's only water. I was the one who suggested the whole let's spice things up so now he is accusing me of backing off... Am I being stupid to say no to that? Now he has suggested anal instead which I am not sure about either. I was thinking more along the lots of foreplay but he says we already do lots of that, more like 5 mins imo ... Any ideas? When I tried to discuss at the weekend he refused to talk and said he didn't think I meant the spicing up thing ....

LOL at Danni covered magnums!!!!!!!!

bleugh

A friend (yes really) swears by a glass of ice water by the bed, take a swig and well you get the drift. Apparently very exciting.

Is that like the other Minogue?

Does said friend use the ice water for penis dunking afterwards?

I have found that a glass of iced water is a useful blowjob aid. Ice as a sex toy is really, really, not very shocking or extreme (though if you don't fancy the idea, you don't have to do it.) Like Grumpasaur said, though, actual sugary stuff up the fanny is Not Good.

Oh and nicename: You're wierd. Champagne Magnums are mindblowingly delicious.

No lois, but I would imagine if you do it before hand, you can give it all a swerve and have an early night instead.
Brass, are you my friend?

Omg!!! Was a bit worried about posting but never thought about Magnums ... Thanks grumpasaur I thought it wasn't a good idea... Dh wanted to use fruit lollies, not on himself, on me. I laughed when he suggested it so then he came up with (I'm not joking) the healthy homemade yoghurt alternatives we have in the freezer and I said no too and he got really annoyed and basically got all sulky and said he wasn't in the mood after that, despite me suggesting other stuff, including ice cubes on his/my body.
More seriously back story is that recently he complained I was turning down sex too often. We have 4 year old DC and since birth sex has dwindled. We both work, me part-time but still in fairly demanding job. No family nearby. Most days feel like hamster on a wheel to keep on top of everything. I / we crash into bed every evening fairly late. Wake up early, weekend he gets to stay in bed while I look after DC if she wakes up early. Sex feels like going through the motion rather than the enjoyable stuff we used to do pre-DC so I've become not so bothered I must admit. We've discussed it and agreed we would try to make time once a week where one of us would suggest sth they felt like, hence the spicing :). This weekend was the first try, and his turn. And nothing happened.
We are going to in laws in fortnight and they will look after DC one night while we go to a hotel nearby for some couple time. The idea is to try and reconnect but after this weekend I'm wondering whether this is such a good idea as maybe it puts pressure to have a good time instead of just going with the flow.
The day after the lolly debacle we discussed things again and that's when he said anal would be nice to try. I was more along the lines of multiple O, trying different positions but he didn't really seem that interested which I thought strange as pre-baby he loved the idea of long leisurely sex ... Pre-baby we also discussed anal and I'd always made it clear I wasn't up for that.

Don't feel that you have to do anything you don't want to do. You don't even have to 'try'. As others have said, if he is so stuck on inserting things in orifices, let it be his own orifice.

Sulking about you not wanting to 'try' stuff is a rather big crash to one's libido I feel.

Also, the pressure is on for your hotel night, right?

Also not great for passionate free will type sex.

This anal thing - does he watch a lot of porn? And are you fine with that?
Sometimes also not great for the sex drive.

I am sorry but i think during the small baby months your husband has started or increased his use of porn. Your ideas of spicing would have interested him before, now he needs to stick lolliea up your fanjo or have anal. I think this is significant. Would an honest discussion about this be possible do you think?

idiots www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&f=210&t=1419924&mid=63473&i=0&nmt=Mumsnet+-+NEST+OF+VIPERS%21%21%21%21&mid=63473

chrissy why do you keep posting that link? ignore them. If they want to snigger like naughty schoolboys leave them to it !

I think for a man more foreplay is boring if you say spice it up he will think all other things. I think icelolly is not good but DH likes use icecube and anal on me it's ok.

Indeed. The Pizzle heads are not worth the snot off my nose. And there is a lot, what with the pollen count being high.

OK, the problem here is not with the specifics of what should and should not be inserted into (willing) people. Nor is the problem 'Porn'.
THe problem is the same old one of a selfish, lazy man behaving in a way that is turning sex into another household chore for his partner.

Your DC is 4, so you're not in the stage of constant night waking and sleeplessness (if you are, if there's SN issues then I sympathise). Unless your H is a brain surgeon or working hideous shifts, there is no reason why he should be the only adult to be allowed a lie-in at weekends. You should both be having an equal amount of leisure time, whether that's for staying in bed, going out with a friend, reading a book or enjoying a hobby. If he is doing his share of domestic work and childcare, it's a lot easier to find him desirable.

But there also seems to be a problem with his idea of 'spicing things up' being entirely about him doing stuff to you, with no apparent understanding of the idea that sex is mutually enjoyable, and when a couple want to improve their sex life together, both partners get to suggest things and negotiate which ones to try.