Feel like everything is crumbling around me

[GirlWithTheLionHeart]

I feel like everything is going wrong and all falling around me.

My ds might have ASD which has been devastating to accept, lots of meetings with professionals after my gut instinct was telling me something is off :(

My relationship is v rocky. Been together 5 years, no intimacy, he's not interested in spending time with me, would rather play vid games all night while I go to bed alone. During the week is the same routine every day. We never go out together as have no one to babysit.

So much has happened I don't know if I can get the love back. Things such as going to strip clubs but not telling me, verbal abuse, yelling/screaming at me while pregnant and in labour, grabbing/yelling at me while breast feeding newborn. I know relationships suffer after a baby comes. We had counselling for a year, helped a bit.

We have to move soon, probably to a relative of mines house. I'm not sure I want him to come. I want to focus on my son. My family have never helped, I asked my dm to please watch ds for an hour and she made excuses not to, despite never having him once since he was born ( I really needed a break)

I just feel down a lot right now, needed to talk to someone

That doesn't sound like a relationship at all.
You don't want him to move with you so you need to tell him and end it.
He's sound abusive - both emotionally and physically. To physically assault you while breastfeeding a baby is just completely unacceptable. That's not a relationship 'suffering' that is abuse!
You need to get away for your own and DS sake.
Concentrate on him and yourself.

I posted about it on here when it happened, it was night and he said he didn't know I was holding ds. I was begging him for help as he wouldn't stop crying and I couldn't cope, he was ignoring me then got angry.

Day to day things are fine, he's not controlling or anything, we just plod along fine but we're more like flat mates. He's not interested in affection or being close, he's so closed off, has walls up and it's so lonely

I'm just so upset about what's going on with ds, I feel like I'm grieving, sounds awful. I had dreams for him and I. I wanted to have more children but can't see that now with what's going on. I need to focus on his progress

Blimey. I can't imagine what this relationship has that you would want to hold on to. Move out, leave him behind, be happy.

Well if he's not controlling then you can end it.
It sounds like a very lonely existence. No affection at all. No time together as a family. Yelling and screaming at you. Grabbing you!
Seriously - time to end this. It's not doing any of you any good.

I'm just wondering if I'm bailing and not trying enough for ds' sake. I'm not desperate for him to stay or anything. I don't even feel that sad about it ending tbh.

Is this the model of relationships you want to teach to DS? Would DS be happier with parents who are unhappy, don't show ezch other affection and witnessing verbal and even physical abuse, or would DS be happier in a safe, calm environment with one happy parent?

private messaged you

Well it sounds to me like he bailed from family life quite some time ago.
There really doesn't seem any point in staying with this man.

I agree hells seems like he wants the bachelor lifestyle of being alone sitting infront of computer/football. But enjoys being cooked for.

I'm thinking this is my chance to move on when we move out of here and start a clean break. I'm scared though.

Of course you are scared.
Hardly surprising. But he does nothing and you do everything anyway.
The only thing that will change is that you won't have to look after him as well and your DS.
Make that break, you deserve so much better.

You say 'when we move out of here', is it possible for you to move sooner and leave him there alone?

We're renting privately but LL moving back in August so not long to wait. What do I say to him? He had a lie in this morning and I had ds from 5am yet he comes downstairs berating me about stuff like going shopping at the end of the month?? Even though I pay my way. He throws it in my face that I'm a sahm but ds couldn't go to nursery now as he's got anxiety in places that are noisy