Been having problems in our marriage for years now, mainly but not exclusively, since our son was born in 2011. DH is clearly unhappy with his life. It comes across that he thinks because he does a job he hates and I only work part time temporary, that I do everything at home. This means ALL and I mean ALL childcare and all housework and even the garden.
There are so many instances of things he has done that I can't even begin to say. I have been trying to figure out whether he is emotionally abusive or if I'm just being dramatic. He eanrs the money but gives me what he thinks for housekeeping. I never have money for clothes unless I manage from what I earn, but I have to save from those earning to keep us when I'm not earning. He's just been out and spent £100 on clothes last week for himself.
To get to the point... It's my 40th birthday this summer. We've made no plans. He has shown no interest in doing anything. Earlier this year he told me his mother had asked us to join her and her DH (who has alzheimers) on holiday abroad this summer. I didn't say yes because I feel like they're only tolerating me because they want our son there and my husband does nothing to help with ds and it wouldn't be relaxing for me. Plus spending £ on holiday there means no money for another holiday. Add into the mix MIL's DH has started being sexually inappropriate with me which DH doesn't take seriously and actually just gets irritated if I mention it.
So the subject of holidays has just been left, as things have been very up in the air. DH actually quit his job although luckily managed to stay after all, but obviously been worrying about finances too.
Last night DH told me he's going on holiday with his mother anyway in a few weeks time. I feel so hurt. He just doesn't spend ANY time with me. His money is his money. No thought to any holiday for me or ds.
We don't have sex because there is no time spent between us and I'd frankly just feel used. I think he is angry about this but makes no effort. He just grabs me as the only physical contact. I dont' get kisses or cuddles but stopped wanting them too as I feel confused by how to be close to someone who is hurting me emotionally.
I've resisted relate because I feel scared about his attitude and dont' feel strong to cope with it in myself. I read that you shouldn't go to couples therapy if there is any sort of abuse but I don't know if emotional abuse is taken seriously or if that is what is going on here.
To be positive I'm seeing a pysch nurse this week with a view to getting help for me. Ive been ill with stress, causing physical symptoms.
I dont' really know why I 'm posting. My birthday is there in my head as a big thing. How do I 'celebrate' that? I don't want to do it with DH as I feel he doesn't care. If I do it without, then I feel then that's it isn't it? we should split up.
So hurt and confused. I feel pathetic for putting up with this.