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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships dragging me down

3 replies

LoopyLou06 · 23/06/2014 22:57

Hi, just want some advice really because I am finding it all really draining and can't afford counselling at the mo (or ever!?).

My mum, (dad, sometimes) and sister are bringing me down for the various ways they talk to me. I have a 2.5 year old and yesterday I visited my parents and found it draining having to explain 'why I am not potty training yet' or having to explain 'why I didn’t see my sister the day before', and always having to explain to my mum my reasons for doing things. It is more about the way I have (quite frankly) always been spoken too. Me and my sister do not get on, we tolerate each other and after I changed our arrangements a little bit at the weekend she went mad (and I thought totally overeacted) and made me feel really bad for it over text. I have always thought this was immature, bullying even a bit abusive. She's my younger sister and she has always treated me like cr*p. If I ever went as far as to tell her this, it will be 'Oh don’t be silly....' or she will defend herself somehow. I sometimes wonder how she is a mum the way she treats me.

We are both mum's now, frankly, that has not changed anything, and I feel she really does not respect me. She even took me off as her 'friend' on a social networking site and refuses to put me back on....then I find out from my Dad (yesterday) that she has posted a photo of my daughter with my dad without even telling me about it when a friend of mine will ASK first if its ok to post a photo of my daugther and her daughter together out of courtesy....The thought would NEVER occur to my sister - I think that says a lot.
I really want to ask my sister to NOT put photos of MY daughter (toddler) on the social networking site or at least ASK MY PERMISSION FIRST. Does anyone else think it’s just me that thinks she is rude here?.
To top it off feeling like I don’t have the support or family I crave, I don’t really want to be with my husband either and have been thinking for about a year now that I want a divorce...things have gone wrong since the birth of baby 2.5 years ago and unfortunately I lost part of my hearing and we battled together having loads of arguments until we got my diagnosis. Since then I have had issues with him - too long to go into now - but I feel the relationship is not improving and I don't love him and I crave love and being wanted and being in a supportive family network.
I have a few lovely friends that are supportive but it is not the same.
I have given my family LOADS of chances but I just get disappointed by them always and my own relationship isn’t fulfilling me.
Does anyone have any immediate advice please? Thanks

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 24/06/2014 06:18

You can't choose your family. You have to work with the hand you've been dealt rather than wishing for The Waltons. Also you can't, on the one hand, say that you want to be part of a family network and then, on the other, complain when they tell you what to do. It's part of the deal IME that, if you allow family to be intimately involved in your life, they're often going to say things you don't like or agree with - particularly about parenting. If they've always been this way, why did you think you becoming a Mum would change matters? So stand up for yourself at every opportunity and decide just how involved you really want people to be on their own merits and not just because you share some DNA. Do you all live very close together?

A word on sisters.... Parents IMHO are a special case and some allowances can be made. Siblings are entirely optional.

That your relationship is failing is significant. Does anyone know that you're struggling? Does your husband know his days are numbered? Have you sought legal advice? Going through relationship breakdown and divorce can be very isolating, even with a supportive family network, because it's so personal. If you don't like being told what to do, suggest you are selective about what you tell your parents and when. Divorce is another subject everyone has an opinion on.

LoopyLou06 · 05/06/2021 15:25

Thank u for replying, most helpful. x

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 05/06/2021 15:29

You need to distance yourself from your family.

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