Murdered by my boyfriend -BBC3

[Heartofgoldheadofcabbage]

If ever a programme should be recommended viewing it should be this. I have just finished watching the above and thank the stars I (eventually) escaped my bad situation.
Anyone else watch this?

[jess12051990]

stop - how many times do we see in the news kids dying , social workers dont do their jobs properly clearly, the girl he was with before me had her child removed because of him but yet they will give him unsupervised access to his own, they have made me feel like i cnt do my job properly as a mum which is to protect him and bring him up properly, its not only the dv either, he smokes weed 24/7, deels it, guys have been to his door with guns before because of it, its like they have just disregarded everything thats happend and said hes his dad, end of. lucky for me i got out after a year of on and off heartache with him because i know for a fact i would have been like the girl in this amazing drama

[STOPwiththehahaheheloling]

What happens if you just dont let ds go? What would be the consequences? My case was a few years ago and i cant remember if i even asked that question. It was as much as i could do to get through the court dates.

[jess12051990]

well i was going to do that untill my solicitor said the residency could be switched, and hed seen it happen before when the dad was worse than my ex. if i was to not take him i would be putting my son at risk of emotional harm so he could be removed from my care and given to his dad. but they dont think about all the risks that come with having contact. my son has a right to know his dad and his dad has rights. mothers dont have to right to be mothers and protect their kids tho :/

[STOPwiththehahaheheloling]

Its all backwards. You prevent contact to protect your child from a very real risk and they go and hand your child to the risk!

[jess12051990]

lets just hope nothing bad happens to my son coz i wont be keeping quiet, ull be seeing me on tv without a doubt

[SqutterNutBaush]

Social Workers arent given the time/training to dp their jobs properly. Crap wages, long hours, major work overload and constant abuse from the media/public put potential staff off and personally i dont blame them.

I looked into training but theyre damned if they do (take a child from home) and damned if they dont (take a child from home) and i for one couldnt deal with the constant blame culture.

Theyre overworked human beings errors are made unfortunately.

[Darkesteyes]

Why are the rights of abusers more important?

Indeed STOP Makes you wonder whats going on in their homes doesn't it.

[Darkesteyes]

hellymelly what happened to your friends SIL ......I don't know what to say.

I watched this last night. And think it should be shown in schools.....uncut.

Last month a lawyer in her thirties had a feature in Red magazine.. "He hit me and I stayed" She felt she had to justify why she stayed with an abusive partner.


Why abusive men wont let women leave should be the question that gets asked.

But society (and yes patriarchy) always wants to blame the woman as a default.

to all who have been through and are still going through this shit.

[Madamecastafiore]

As mothers we need to make a stand against the level of violence on TV and computer games. The fact that violence is no longer shocking to these youngsters comes from them being desensitised to it by the prevalence of it in the media and how readily available it is.

[mummymcphee]

My ex was cautioned for an assault on me whilst pregnant. The police phoned me to say he had cried when they read him my statement. The WPC sounded genuinely sorry for him and twenty minutes after his release he was back on my doorstep beating the door in angry that he had been arrested. I have since escaped his clutches with my beautiful DD. The GF he had after my relationship with him came to see me at work to say that he had beaten her till she had lost consciousness and at her 3 month scan the baby she was carrying was not moving. She said she realised that he had been lying about why we had split. She stayed with him until he broke her fingers. He has now moved in with in with a single mum who has two teenage daughters.

I have found that soceity in general seems to be embarrassed by domestic violence....including employers and the police. I work in the NHS and a huge shift in attitudes and policy is required. I remembering having to crawl into work the day after the assault as there was no cover for my specific role. The whole situation was seen as an innconvenience.

This was a very powerful portrayal of what it is like to be inside an abusive relationship and has given me some strength as I know that even when it is hard raising my daughter alone the alternative does not bear thinking about.

RIP lovely girl and may angels protect your DD xx

[Darkesteyes]

So he sheds a few croc tears and the WPC feels sorry for him.

The training in DV must be sorely lacking.

[STOPwiththehahaheheloling]

Totally agree madame. I allow no violent video games . Unfortunately my dcs father 'doesnt see the problem' and allows 18 rated games to be played at his house (dcs are 8 and 5). Having spoken to friends with similar aged DC i have found that their male spouses are also baffled as to what the problem is. Clearly the message that this stuff is creating these violent monsters is not getting through.

[DrakesEquation]

I saw this drama on BBC3 and thought it was very sad and shocking, but let us not forget that as much as man on woman DV seems to be a serious issue in society, don't forget that woman on man DV exists too, but maybe not as common. I am a man and I had a violent woman partner years ago and put up with physical abuse for years but never resorted to violence. I think she was abusive because of what she'd seen with her father abusing her mother growing up. I left her years ago and am happy with someone else now. My mother was a DV victim of my father and what I witnessed growing up has made me totally anti DV. Any form of DV is not acceptable in any form, mentally or physically...

[STOPwiththehahaheheloling]

Please can we not have a what about the menz derail kn a thread discussing the murder of a woman by her partner. Please.

[STOPwiththehahaheheloling]

And male on female violence does not seem to be a serious issue. It fucking is.

[SqutterNutBaush]

Im going to go against the grain here again but tbh i dont think that violent movies/games/rock music create "monsters" either, i am female.

I dont let my 8 year old play/watch them because it wouldnt be appropriate for him to do so, not because i think it'll turn him into a raging psychopath.

Domestic Violence has been part of society for hundreds of years fuelled by disrespect and disregard for other human beings not because of Grand Theft Auto. Its this that needs to be changed. Children need to be taught right from wrong and encouraged to speak out if there is an issue at home rather than people brushing the constant arguing at number 11 aside. We need to help children from these homes and the parent who is suffering realise that its far from normal and support them in order to break the cycle.

[STOPwiththehahaheheloling]

Video games/violent tv do create monsters. Not those things alone, of course, there are many things responsible, including video games and violence on tv.

[Darkesteyes]

I don't think its just down to video games Its a bit more complicated than that. Women have been seen as mens property for a long time.

When I was working at Comet years ago you could easily spot men like yr ex STOP
The part time fathers who would be in EVERY Saturday buying a v. expensive computer game. Now the rules were that if we sold one of these games to a teen who might be under age WE THE SHOP ASSISTANTS would be liable NOT Comet and the shop assistant would have to stump up the 2 grand fine.
So I was always very careful. Not just because I would be fined but because some of the kids didn't always look their age at all
One Sat a young lad brought one of these games to the counter and I asked him if he was 15.
His dad was standing behind him and started shouting at me. His eyes glazed over when I explained why.


Yes the shop assistant is the one making the sale but when its ONLY the assistant who has to stump up the possible fine on minimum wage AND there is no backup from management when a customer acts threateningly because of it then its hardly a level playing field is it? And this wasn't the only incident. Me and a few other assistants got quite good at spotting the so called "Disney dads" and nearly all of them acted like complete tossers when they got to the till.

[DrakesEquation]

Dear STOPwiththehahaheheloling, I am simply pointing out that all kinds of Dv should not be tolerated. What about kids that abuse their parents at home? It's still DV. Please try and see a wider perspective , as it's all from the same root...

[SqutterNutBaush]

STOP its not "derailing"!!

The whole point of the program was to raise awareness of domestic violence, the case was an example not the standard.

Your lack of empathy towards a DV survivor above is disgusting and smacks of hypocrisy given your previous gushing to others who are apparently more deserving as they have a vagina.

[Darkesteyes]

And there was no internet porn when Savile et al were doing their abusing either.

[STOPwiththehahaheheloling]

Oh here we go. Its all the same, women are as bad as men and even children too. Women and children killing jut as many men as men are killing. The statistics are balanced. Silly me.

[STOPwiththehahaheheloling]

as men are killing women

[SqutterNutBaush]

Its not about bloody balance.

Its about Domestic Violence.

Domestic Violence doesnt discriminate, yes a smaller proportion of abuse is carried out against men but that doesnt mean a man murdered by his wife is any less disgusting does it?