Help me get my head straight

[Memom]

Last night DH clearly wanted sex (to make love as he says), AF is due any day and I felt suitably crappy. Told him I'd just love a cuddle. He sulked off saying he is sick of cuddles

Thinking about it since he only 'gives' cuddles when he wants sex. He has always said he'd rather have a lifetime of cuddles and genuine closeness than meaningless sex. Now he changes it!! I feel he isn't who I married, he has lied to keep me hooked. I feel so hurt. Confused. I can't even look at him without feeling let down. Am I asking too much? Is this normal?

Men (and women too) often become quite aggressive when they don't get sex. My friends very mild mannered DP gets really moody and quite verbally nasty if he hasn't had sex for a week or so. Once they have DTD he is back to his normal self again.
You can try and talk it over but it might be like this every time he hasn't had it for a while. You certainly are not alone. I know many women who go through similar to you.
I don't think he has lied to you or hooked you. He was feeling horny, got rejected and lashed out. Not easy to resolve but not impossible either if you can both somehow learn to communicate with each other.

What you're asking for is physical affection without it necessarily leading to sex. Are we talking days, weeks or months since you last had sex? Frequency of PIV sex can vary but, in a healthy relationship where there is plenty of affection, everyone's less likely to feel rejected or unloved. From what you describe your DH's attitude is very poor, very selfish and very inconsiderate. A considerate lover would not want to have sex with a woman who feels 'crappy' in the first place. And if he's told you that he'd 'rather have a lifetime of cuddles....etc' then that was just romantic words.

Unfortunately, this kind of thing can make everyone sensitised. Equally unfortunately, talking about it can often add to the problem. I think you have to find a space to reassure each other of your love and affection, however.

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

It had only been the previous evening that we had sex. It is frequent (several times a week) but looking back now it has become far more about him and what he wants, the affection has gone.

I wrote him a long letter yesterday explaining how I felt and his response was brief "that isn't how it is" and refused to talk about it. I am totally shocked by his attitude, he has always been so loving and affectionate.

Time will tell I guess

I'll be truthful, not psychic but I see you have posted before about him, what changed since the previous Relationships thread? Please don't be afraid to question and challenge him. This is your life, he doesn't just shut you down and carry on.

I don't think you need time to tell.... he's telling you very bluntly that he doesn't particularly care how you feel and doesn't want to engage in a conversation. I'm astonished that he resorted to sulking if you'd only had sex the day before BTW, but even if it had been a week or a month it's still a childish way to react It's revealing that you felt you had to write him a letter. Is talking to him difficult? What happens?

You say he's always been loving and affectionate. Are you expected to have sex whenever he fancies? Have you turned him down before and what was the reaction then? (The 'lifetime of cuddles' thing is sounding very fake) Has there been some sudden change in his behaviour?

I'm beginning to think that this behaviour is the real him sadly, I tried again to talk to him and he says there isn't anything to discuss, I'm clearly just tired. This is his reaction to anything he doesn't want to talk about.

I wrote the letter simply because I wanted to say everything I felt before he had chance to tell me there wasn't an issue or that I'd misunderstood. The letter was a last attempt at getting him to see my point of view.

The affection has gone. Hand holding has even stopped. I noticed last night that he doesn't even Speak to me directly, he sort of says what he has to say to me in the hope I hear.

Wish we hadn't booked a holiday for two weeks time the way I feel at the moment I think I shall take the kids and he can stay home and sulk.

That isn't how it is for him, but unless he's calling you a liar that's how it is for you. Either he appreciates that and you both work to change your perceptions or else this is proof positive that you are correct and he doesn't respect your emotions or you.

He needs to change his attitude to you pronto, otherwise you are looking at the end. Don't spin it out though, that just makes it more painful for everyone. Sorry he's being an arse. He needs to start re-evaluating his attitude, but if he won't then get out quickly.