Getting over a break up. Tips? Advice? A slap?

[TheOrchardKeeper]

It got very messy and involved me having to threaten ex with the police if he didn't stop contacting me. Think it's been sort though.

I know it was the right thing but I've I've had so many horrible messages from him and his family this week that it's knocked me a bit and made me feel crap/like a total bitch (despite him being a below par BF the last 2yrs).

How do you get over breakups?

*Sorted.

I blocked ex and family on FB but couldn't stop them texting me. And it got ugly quickly, until I eventually replied with that threat.

I've never encountered anyone who was so hard to leave. We didn't even live together but you'd think I skinned their family dog and served it for sunday dinner of course

(Old thread about ex www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2069490-I-know-its-partly-because-Im-ill-everything-is-worse-when-youre-ill-but-I-am-raging in case anyone read it before/remembers).

Time. It's a cliche but it's true. This time 2 years ago I was absolutely in the depths of despair after my twat of an xp walked out on me and our dc. It hurt unbearably. But slowly slowly I made changes for the better. We moved to a really lovely house closer to my family, I got a new circle of friends and very very unexpectedly met my new dp through them. I was in no way looking to date. But actually, I'm the happiest I've ever been. I slowly just stopped caring what xp was up to. When I moved, I had a horrible feeling he'd be in dating sites and I was right. Within a week of me moving away with our dc, the youngest of whom was merely months old, he was already online trawling for dates. My god that hurt. But now I am honestly 'meh'. I'm so much better off without him. I'm sure my your op that you know you're better without him too.
I think it's natural to feel low after a relationship breaks up, even if it was a crap one. Especially if other people get involved. I had his mother telling me that we'd decided to mutually split. Err, no. That made me feel out of control, knowing he was telling people that to make him seem less of an arsehole. Take time for yourself. It's ok to be sad, angry, whatever you're feeling. You have to go through that period of mourning I suppose. I know I was reeling when I spilt with my ex, I truly felt I was totally a spectator of my own life. But it does get better, one day at a time. I am a walking cliche I really am. Picture yourself a year from now. I can guarantee this will look like the best thing that ever happened to you. And chocolate always helps too x

Wow sorry that happened. What a slimeball.

I didn't care at first but then I got all this crap off him and his sister and mum and it was horrid. I deleted the messages before reading the whole thing but could read the first line of each one, which was plenty!

I knew he was immature but that was just weird and I was scared he was going to show up without warning etc as he has form for doing that

I meant what I said though. If he showed up refusing to leave til I let him in I'd have just called 101 and logged it/asked them to come remove him. I think he knew it too so it's stopped.

Was actually quite creepy tbh. I felt bad for him at first but now I almost hate him for being crap when we were together, then playing the hero (because I have health issues and he took me and DS on like a knight in tin foil shining armour--) and then just harassing me about meaningless stuff after and not leaving me alone when he knows I'm ill atm and have DS to look after by myself!

He got his MOM to have a go at you? He sounds lush!

Yes time is the only thing really. But these things also help

• exercise. Gives you a boost even if you don't feel like it
• keep busy busy busy. Say "yes" to every social engagement you can
• try something new. Abseiling? Knitting? Book club? Tri-Athlon? Whatever floats your boat
• surround yourself with people who love you. But more than that, with people who are positive.
• go completely no contact with him and his circle. A quick sharp cut is better than a lingering sore
• if you can afford it, book something up medium term to look forward to
• be kind to yourself. If you need to cry, cry. Or shout. Or rage. Or whatever. Just avoid the moping
• whenever you catch yourself thinking why what who when...just stop short and say out loud "IT DOESNT MATTER" and go and so something else
• make a "fuck you" playlist. Play it loud and dance
• if you need to get some feelings out, write it in a journal

And then, when some time has passed, you'll be all better. Maybe slimmer. Maybe fitter. And you'll be a mean knitter.

Good luck op. It's the pits, it really is but you'll get there. Promise

Thank you

I threw all the stuff out he said he didn't want. So cards, photos etc. His sister apparantly got upset because one photo was of her son and meant for us as a couple but a.) I wasn't thinking straight, it wasn't mallicious and I just threw everything out when I was feeling emotional the day of the dumping and b.) He picked up everything he wanted at the time. I didn't think it was very important as they have a million pics of him/can print a million off etc.

But no, I basically set fire to it and danced around it whilst chanting/casting spells

His sister kept sending messages after that that were about how I was the worst human ever, evil etc. I didn't read all of it, thank god. But it's made me stupidly angry...

And of course, by dumping him I've 'left the family' wtf? and wounded his mum forever etc. (Also didn't catch the end of that but I got the jist). It's like trying to leave an abusive mafia

They were threatening to come round to check I don't secretly have the picture, which is when I finally responded and said 'no bloody way...I'll call the police etc'.

I had no idea he would be this difficult but I guess it's the risk you take!

(The main reason we broke up was because he still lives at home aged 27 and is so reliant on his DM. She does everything for him etc etc. Does it show? ).

If you ever had the tiniest scintilla of respect for him before you should have absolutely none now. What 27 year old involves his Mummy in his relationship break-up? What does he think this is, infant school?

Don't be sad, be scathing. And thank your lucky stars the scales fell from your eyes before he really did your head in

Fortunately my ex's family have been lovely to me (as they should, I did nothing wrong) but they live in another country so not much practical support.

I tell you what though, I will never forget the friends who rallied round me when I was at my lowest

He says he didn't but he obviously stirred crap about the picture.

He has a few photos of DS but do you see me condemming him to hell for throwing them out?

It's beyond ridiculous but at least it's stopped. It just set me back a week!

Oh yeah, I have 2 great friends who've helped me not to cave when he's been guilt tripping me or accussing me of what not.

He even asked if I was seeing someone else? 'I know you forget that I can't doss about like you and am very busy with DS and work and you, you man baby but seriously? Like I have the time'

Scuse the rant, I just can't believe he's even more selfish than I thought...and I thought he was pretty damn selfish when we broke up.

What kind of man threatens to come over to someone's house and bang on the door until they answer when they have a kid there asleep who'd be well aware that something was wrong/get scared and have clearly said not to, after the break up?

I remember your previous thread.

Well, you dodged a bullet there !
If I was you I'd get over the break up by telling yourself that at every possible opportunity.
Well done you. You did exactly the right thing. Look forward to a bright and single future (and do stick to your threat to call the police if you need to).

Can you block their numbers on your phone?

Thanks Golden

I have but it's still in my spam folder, they can't ring though. So I go into the folder to delete the messages but still read the first line (though I try not to)!

I am glad it's made me more sure of the decision. It's put so many nails in the coffin!

His mum is sending you messages because you dumped her precious baby boy? And he thinks it is okay that she is sending them? You're well rid of him, OP.

She only sent one, it's mostly him and his sister, and him trying to relay how heartbroken his mum is about 'losing DS'. (I tried not to go over too much as they treat everyone's BFs/GFs like family and that's nice I guess but I felt uncomfortable with it when we didn't even live together and DS is still very young and it just made me uncomfortable. His DM 'lives for the kids' IYSWIM)?

It's all a bit weird basically.

She did used to call him her 'brown eyed boy' a lot though.

No word of a lie...

This was the lazy 27 year old living with his parents who cadged lifts off others and spent oodles of time on hobbies but not much by way of practical contribution who was angling to move in with you and your DS to be molly coddled....?

His family were probably thinking they'd at long last offloaded him. His DM had a ready made DGS. His friends no doubt expected you to tolerate all his prolonged adolescence. It's weird they are so quick to stick their oars in why hasn't it occurred to any of them if he was such a gem you'd not have ended the relationship? The pack of them sound like rent-a-mob.

I am sorry if he kicked off and you only got rid with the threat of the police being called in. This childish spiteful response was just the sort of immature reaction you probably worried about. Imagine if you'd let him wheedle you into moving in? However if it's evaporated now just keep looking forward, you did the right thing.

I know. Thank GOD we didn't live together.

He posted a long long guilty trippy letter addressed to me and DS the day after we broke up he really thought I didn't mean it because I've been a pushover til now which was just

Nothing in it about the actual issues in our relationship of course, just about how heartbroken he is and how could I etc etc. Went straight in the bin! I was offended that he thought I could be so easily manipulated. I'm not dumb, just a bit too bloody nice sometimes

Re-reading my old thread helps. He is such a man-baby.

A nice enough man-baby but what was I doing picking up after him and wasting all that time and energy on him??

Maybe I was possessed by an idiot

On your last thread I mentioned a family member who reminds me a lot of your ex-dp. When his last girlfriend dumped him, his mum send her a letter inviting her over for coffee and a chat about what the problem was with him and what they could do together to solve it. Funnily enough, she declined. His mum still can't understand why.

Weeeeeeird

I'd never get so involved in DS's future relationships. It just seems to wrong and a little odd tbh.

Today has been shit. I cried in my driving lesson. How fucking embarassing

Going out Friday night which will cheer me up though. Feel a bit like I'm grieving for someone I didn't necassarily like but who was very important to me in the past.

I'm sure that driving instructors like hairdressers hear and see all sorts, don't worry.

It can't be easy, but focus on good stuff, like SS, and getting your driving licence.