FWB. Should I? Could I? How?

[SingleSock]

I wasn't sure which board would be the best to post this so I hope this question is appropriate.

I've been separated from my EA STBXH for almost a year now. I'm really enjoying being single for the first time in my adult life and have no intentions of having another long term relationship for a very long time yet, if ever.

However, I really really miss sex. So I've been considering whether I should get a friend with benefits as it seems to offer the best of both worlds for me right now. I don't really enjoy one night stands so would rather be with someone I can trust without the strings of a proper relationship.

The thing is, I don't have anyone in particular in mind. Is this even the sort of thing you actively seek out or more a thing that happens naturally? How would I even go about finding someone? Is anyone in an arrangement like this and how does it work for you? TIA.

Definitely will practise safe sex!

I've got to admit I'm a bit nervous about doing it for the first time. I was with my STBXH for 13 years and this is the first time I've been single as an adult. I did have a few experiences before I met him but I'm worried that I'll have forgotten how to do it or it'll be really embarrassing and awful . I was with H so long that sex was easy and comfortable. I might become a nun - much simpler .

Not just safe sex my lovely, I'm talking about making sure you are safe when meeting up. I always had someone who knew I was going on a meet up that I could text and say 'all ok' or, if I wanted a get-out clause, 'ring me' so that I could extricate myself easily.

Don't worry about sex with someone new too much, I was with exH for nigh-on 20 years and had only been with one other guy before him but once, ahem, back in the saddle it was very liberating and fun! The feeling of being desirable and sexy again soon took away the nerves I kind of had my teenage years in my late 30s and actually think that was the better way round!

Don't knock it. My d.p was initally a ons but 13 months on we're still together. It took a while though to grow to love him. Noone thinks were suited but we're happy.
X

Ah, good point sassy. I'm actually a lone worker so have an alert app on my phone that will call for help. Would be a bit awkward explaining why I alerted from somewhere I wasn't working though .

I feel the same. I gave my husband my entire 20s and spent them feeling miserable due to his treatment. I'm in a really good place now though, and feel happier than I have in years. I do suffer from body confidence issues though - having kids has changed my body. I feel a bit out of the loop with what men expect now the towie porn hairless look is in vogue he can fuck off if he thinks I'm making myself bald. Feel quite nervous about a stranger seeing me naked!

life, I'm not knocking ONSs in general but I had a couple before I met my H and they were absolutely dire! I think it takes me a while to relax enough to, ahem, enjoy myself so I think a string of one-offs would be utterly pointless in my case. It's nice to hear it worked out for you and DP though.

Aw bless you - I know exactly what you mean! My first post-ex shag was a ONS at the other end of the country. I'd been sassy (as per name ) and piddled off to Scotland for the weekend from Cornwall (as per name ) and chatted to a guy in the hotel bar. A few Dutch courages later and I found myself in his room I gibbered something about being out of practice (cringe) and tried to cover my body with my arms (unsuccessfully). He was just lovely, took my hands away from my chubby body and told me I was beautiful - that was enough for me ... wanton sex goddess soon emerged and it was soooo hot!! Honestly, just ensure you are comfortable with respect to person, venue etc and it will all fall into place.

Then come back and tell us that you have found your inner sex goddess too xx

Ah, thank you sassy. You are making me feel soooo much better about this .

I'm going on a hen weekend this weekend. I'm not really into ONSs as mentioned before, but I have thought that I might just do it to get the first one out of the way and officially break the 'dry' spell . I guess I'm older now, and although my body is not what it once was, I have more inner confidence so it might be a better experience?

Of course I will update this thread when it is mission completed whenever that is and you can all make me feel better if it ends up being the cringiest experience of my life .

single FB or FWB can be great, but im not sure this particular one you met is a good bet. He seems too keen to get to the sextalk and without any time to get to know you even a little bit.

Tended to find my FWB in the past thru hobbies - can be pretty sure they're single then too - but that doesnt work for everyone, I guess.

From what I'v eheard most of the dating sites are infested with sleazy sharks, with a few nice blokes here and there. Just an idea, might it be worth avoiding mentioning that you're looking for strings-free shags at first? I mean, even though you ain't in it for the long term, the nicer blokes will treat you with more respect and leave you feeling better about yoruself after maybe.

So I met up with the guy today and the sex was really good. He seems like a nice bloke. Despite this it was awkward and I'm really really cringing . It's nothing he did, I just think I'm a bit awkward about my sexuality and I do feel a bit guilty for taking the afternoon off work to go have sex with a practical stranger. I don't think he really enjoyed it either so hardly feeling like a sex goddess . Really not sure if I could do it again.

oh well you tried it, maybe it'll feel better after a few days when you look back, or maybe it's not for you. Nowt lost!

Thanks Meerka. Nothing lost except my self esteem . I'm glad I did it though - I had gone without sex for too long. It also made me realise just how crap in bed my H was and I put up with it for 12 years!

Ahhh... the realisation that your DH wasn't in fact, all that in bed!
How I remember it well.

You tried it. As per my last post. I tried and it and it's not for me.
I need to get to know someone. Date a bit. Have some fun. Do some snogging, then move onto the good stuff.

It may be that this guy just wasn't the right FB for you.

You did it though, so well done. It's much easier getting back in the saddle than you think will be.

As PP says - nowt lost.

PS.. I still take half days from work to have a good sex sessions with my OH and we have been together a while. It's great.
Bottle of bubbles and on we go. Keeps things alive.

You'll find what you should have when you are good and ready. In the meantime - enjoy yourself!

I don't know, I probably underplayed just how good the sex was. I've never ever achieved orgasm with a stranger before, let alone several times. He was seriously good. That, or it's been too long or maybe I let myself go in the moment because I didn't care? Whatever it was, it was fucking good .

So why am I cringing so much now? I wishI could just be ok about it. I feel like getting very very drunk so I can stop cringing at myself. Someone shoot me!

We're conditioned into feeling bad about sex without commitment, singlesock. It goes pretty deep. It's okay to have string-free sex though! (well, as long as there's no deceit going on with married men etc, imo).

personally I think that actually women tend to need a dose of friendship as well for things to really be good - emphasis tend, there are a lot of exceptions to that tendancy! No moral judgement attached, just the way quite a lot of women tick, imho.

But seriously, give yourself a bit of time to let the feeling pass. A few days or weeks and you might well feel totally different. Then you can decide if you want to repeat the experiment or not :)

I had FWB who happened to be a neighbour I was LO of 3DC and a exh who was hard work the DC are and always will be my priority.

It worked well to am extent but sadly emotion and feelings do creep in lines get crossed ( we were together a few years).

Sadly it ended badly with many tears on both sides but I look back fondly now 4 tests on

*years bloody phone

In the end, FWB only benefits the man. The woman usually ends up getting emotionally attached then feeling used and hurt when the man meets someone he wants a serious relationship with. That's just my opinion.

Thanks everyone, I've stopped cringing now . Even though the sex was fantastic, I don't think this is going to turn into a FB situation. He messages me talking about 'next' time but then when I ask if we're going to arrange it, he says 'possibly' . He's also quite clear that this will strictly be day time only which is harder for me to accommodate. I've got to admit that the fact that he won't spare any of his weekend time to have sex with me, does make me feel a bit used. It's not like I'm asking for anything other than just the sex either . I'll probably just message him saying it looks like we're on different schedules. Shame really because he was very good at it .

He sounds like a MM to me!
Or at least in a very committed relationship.

Yeah - text that to him. It doesn't sound needy or weird just to the point and ending it - then move on.
NEXT!!