Should I tell my husband's GP about his drinking?

[siucra]

My husband is a serious alcoholic. 50 plus units a week in three or four drinking binges every week. He is utterly powerless over alcohol which is very sad for him.
He is in denial (of course!) about it and rarely admits he had a problem. He might say he is a heavy drinker but that's about it.
At the moment he has pneumonia and three courses of anti-biotics have not worked and is now on steroids.
He has not told his GP that he drinks excessively and may have affected his immune system. He and his GP are, as far as I can tell, under the impression that he is unlucky enough to have contracted a virus that is resistant to antibiotics.
My husband is so sure that he is invincible.
His drinking is his problem and has seriously affected our relationship. I am letting him get on with it but would it be terrible to phone his GP to tell him his patient is an alcoholic or should I just let all of this happen.
I am working hard on getting on with my own life and my mental health and the happiness of my 6 year old daughter are my priorities so would this be a good move or not?
Thank you!

YABU.

Make plans to leave.

Yes of course you should tell the GP. They can't make a diagnosis when they only have half the information - although I'd be surprised if they hadn't twigged it already.

I'm glad you're getting on with your own life. Does that mean you're thinking about divorce?

His GP may well suspect. If he has had blood tests etc. this kind of thing will show up.

Thanks for replies. No not divorce as yet. But I finally have given up on trying to make him stop. It's changed me as a person but I feel as though I have managed to get myself and DD through it.
I will call GP later.

I don't think the GP does suspect. DH is a very clever and charismatic person. Thanks for encouragement and support.

"No not divorce as yet. But I finally have given up on trying to make him stop. It's changed me as a person but I feel as though I have managed to get myself and DD through it".

The 3cs re alcoholism are ones you would do well to remember:-
You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this

GP may just note your comments; I doubt if a phone call to them will do much even if you did tell them that your H was infact an alcoholic. They will not talk about him.

I would start considering divorce now.

What do you mean exactly by your last sentence?. I ask as the effects of all this on your child may not become fully apparent until she herself reaches adulthood and embarks on her own adult relationships. I sincerely hope she does not choose an alcoholic for a partner. You're showing her that currently at least all this is acceptable on some level to you.

What do you want to teach her about relationships here?.

I feel it is only when you are both fully away from him will you actually realise the full extent of what he has put you and his child through.

This phonecall to his GP is going to be my last act to help him. I am under no illusions about life with an alcoholic and am hoping to get myself to a position where I can leave.

Will the GP actually talk to you though?

I tried to see a GP about an issue with my DH's health (not drinking related) and was told I could do nothing as it was against patient privacy. .

You cannot help someone like this so stop with the trying; all such enabling does is give you a false sense of control. It neither helps you or he.

What makes you think he wants your or such help at all?. You were not put here to rescue and or save people from their own selves; any rescuer and or saving streak you have needs to be severely curtailed and addressed properly (because this is also about you too). This all smacks of co-dependency too which is something I would also advise you to read up on, co-dependency is often seen within relationships where alcoholism is present.

You can only ultimately help you own self here and that is by getting away from him altogether.

Womens Aid too can and will help you leave. No obstacle is insurmountable.

siucra I have been a similar thing with my X. I called GP about MH issues and excessive drinking and she treated it in confidence. rag they cannot discuss details about another person but can act on info. So yes rag do call, like your DH my X is a great actor and good at hiding things

"Will the GP actually talk to you though?"

A GP won't discuss the ins and outs regarding an individual patient but they are quite happy to accept information presented by concerned relatives. In my own family this has happened twice regarding mental illness. The GP took the information in good faith and acted upon it

X-post

Thinking ahead, another reason to tell the GP is to get his alcoholism on record in some way. When you leave, you will have access to think about. It is impossible to say how he will react to you leaving and whether wanting inappropriate (given his drinking) access will be something he will pursue - even if just to make you life difficult. Official records of your concerns may help here.

Added to that, even if you leave he will always be your DD's father and you will have to deal with him in some way. So while you absolutely CANNOT and should not expect to be able to 'do' anything - his addiction is his problem and his problem only - there is a logic to you taking an action which may at some point help you and your daughter - even if it's just puncturing his denial.

So yes, tell the GP.

Yes, thanks so much. 'Puncturing the denial' is a good way of putting it. That is such a difficult aspect to it because you think you are mad. God, it's been horrible but I thought by me contacting the GP it was a co-dependant act (which I am moving on from).
I do feel relieved that I am not responsible for him anymore. Poor guy. He has no idea how shit his life is.
I just hope I don't blub on phone to GP (I cry embarrassingly easily). I will be strong and matter of fact.
Thanks everyone.

If you don't want to get emotional you could always write down what you want to say and post it in a letter instead.

I'm afraid that as soon as I started talking I began crying but he was so nice to me and entirely welcoming my call. He asked if there was a chance I could come in next time DH see him (no) and said it was helpful I told him. It was very nice to tell someone (the first time anyone knows) and I feel really glad if if it. Thanks again to everyone.

a very unmumsnet hug to you siucra.
I grew up around alcohol abuse, it's not easy.
Well done for calling the GP.

That's a good outcome. I think you've more than discharged your responsibility and can now move on.