Im fucking miserable

[HadEnoughCantCope]

I know i need to end this relationship. Ive had enough of the insults and nastiness, ive had enough of being made to feel worthless. Ive had enough of sitting crying because he's a fucking nasty bully.

So why cant i end it? Scared that i may regret it i suppose. But im miserable. I don't want to give too many details as im afraid he may read this (he knows im on MN, and even though ive name changed he would know its me) im sick of the empty apologies aswell. Ive heard the words sorry so many times they have lost all meaning.

I'm only posting here to get my feelings off my chest, too embarrassed to tell friends or family about the verbal abuse i put up with.

He makes all the right noises but nothing changes. He's worn me down to the point where i don't think i even like him anymore

Can you look at surrounding options here ...

such as you don't have a car but you used to have one?
could you get a job?
how old are your DC, what might the child-care options be?

If you kept the house (in your name anyway) and could get a job and a car would things seem more possible regarding going it on your own?

Good luck to you HadEnough x

Do you have any savings or a parent you can borrow money off? You can buy a car for 500. If you can work 16 hours a week or start a business you'll be eligible for tax credits. Sounds like he won't leave willingly, in which case other services might need to help get him out but as the house is in your name it shouldn't be too difficult. I'd start telling friends in RL too.

I don't work and have zero savings for a car.

I could just tell him to go, but the fear of being stuck stops me.

As for does he treat others like this, no i doubt he does, ok maybe he 'has words' with his work collegues but i doubt he shouts and insults them like he does to me, but then again nobody makes him as angry as i do. Oh and im not allowed to be angry, if i get mad over something then he goes mad at me. He's the highest hypocrite ive ever met.

How fucking dare he treat me like this? I wasn't born into this world to put up with this shit

Biggest hypocrite, not highest

He treats you like this because up to now you've stuck around to be treated like this. There are no consequences to his actions because you are too scared to tell him to get lost. He has no incentive to change because he's quite happy with the way things are. Please don't buy into the lie that 'you make him angry' because that's blaming yourself for his abusive behaviour. However, your future happiness is entirely in your hands. Glad you're finding some indignation.... now put it into action.

And you don't kick him out because you need a car?

That's the most fucking expensive car I've ever heard of.

I know how hard it is, honestly. But you won't change the situation if you keep allowing yourself to believe stuff like that. Surely it's worth waiting an hour for a bus to get your life back?

It's good the house is in your name.
It's good you like the area.

You 'just' need a car (and then onto a part time job in due course) and you will feel more independent and able to let go of the fragile feeling of 'notbeingtrapped' he offers.

Focus on this.
Car + Job = freedom from someone you don't like and who treats you like dirt.

I don't mean to sound trite. I know it isn't easy. I have had similar.
I wish you strength.

He doesn't have an anger problem he has an abuse problem. Anger issues aren't the problem here. He won't change, not without lots of intense therapy away from you and your family and even then (if he sought this out himself) the chances are low.
Has he ever hit or physically hurt you? If so you can request a meeting with a housing officer and request a priority transfer. They can move you and evict him from your house after.

He's never hit me, but i still feel intimidated when he gets angry

I used to live with someone like your H OP. I kicked him out 18 months ago and haven't looked back.

You can do it.
You need to do it for your DC's sake if not your own.
You life will be so much better without him there .

You know how you enjoy the house to yourself if he is out for an evening and you die a little inside when the key turns in the lock and he is back - well you need never feel that again!!

Just imagine that?

Can you get an exchange for your house to a town or city nearer a bus route, that would be a start.

You know what one of the last straws was for me?? Me crying in (yet another) row...ex came within a foot of me and sneered "you fucking idiot". Wasn't the worst insult he's hurled at me but that thought you posted upthread op, about not being put on this earth to be spoken to like that....that's how I felt.

I love my dc so much and now I get how much blood, swear and tears my parents spent bringing me up. I just thought "my mum didnt bring me up so carefully and lovingly for some twat to bawl in my face".

Same for you. How DARE he be so nasty and vile that he is causing you to feel like this??? You deserve so, so much more and shouldn't put up with it.

I think you're in a strong position with the house being in your name. You CAN do this if you want to. Your life will be hard for a while but so much easier at the same time- you'll be free of the misery he is causing you.

How fucking dare he treat me like this? I wasn't born into this world to put up with this shit

No you were not.
So stop putting up with it.
Kick him out and get on with your life.
Like I said previously. CAB is your first call. Make that call and you may feel a whole lot better about your position.
Keep the anger and take action.