We have been married for 15 years have 4c's all under age of 11,it has been tough at times but only because it has been relentless,we get not much help with dc's which I kind of am proud of,we have done the tough bit together.I have been mostly SAHM with a few little jobs along the way.
My DH has his own business which is essentially doing well,he has a really bad money management ethic,I run the house accounts/ bills and he has done his business.My purse strings are run very tightly and most of our I money stays in his business to keep it ticking over so for the whole time I have tried to save pennies,not have holidays and basically saved.
My DH keeps spending ridiculous amounts of money (mostly on the house but sometimes on ego building hobbies)that we haven't got and he manages to do it craftily so that I don't find out until it's too late,every 6 months I catch up with it then we have firm word's says sorry doesn't do it again for a bit then it happens again.what the issue is with me is that it is only money but it worries me sick that we will get to a point where we can't sort it out,we have re-mortgaged,twice,re-structured his business etc and it goes on,I hit A low point with ds1 and had post natal depression,mostly because our money was so bad at this point but Because I had a little newborn I simply couldn't sort the finances out alone and he just buries his head.
It has happened again recently,I try not to cause relationship issues as I hate what money seems to do but if DH was careful with money we wouldn't have this pressure,my father lost our family home when I was 8 and we ended up homeless with my mother sick with a. Nervous breakdown,My DH makes me feel these things over and over every 6 months,I love him but will ultimately protect my children and won't be able to keep this up long term.
I speak openly to him all the time,I am now on anti depressant as It was starting to get panic attacks I just feel like he will be saying sorry and doing it again,I am losing the trust I have in him.it is hard to love someone who keeps hurting me over and over,he sees tears,acts like I am just having a 'female moment' and that it will pass,I feel like I am slipping down,I am struggling now to keep a positive outlook,I am not materialistic at all so don't 'need' expensive things,,I feel like he has to massage his ego constantly,it is wearing thin.any advice from outside welcome??I can't to to anyone here as I am surrounded by his family and friends,so it often looks like the sun shines out of his arse because obviously we can afford all of these things as he works so hard.........oh just lately I have noticed that he will use me as a scape goat too which does nothing but make me look like shit he is so obsessed with his image whilst it is me desperately trying to hold it all together