Me and DP were going through a rough patch and I started talking to another man. Nothing ever happened between me and him, it was purely texting. I didn't think I wanted to be with DP anymore so ended the relationship. But then as soon as I did I realised how much I loved him! I had resented him and been angry with him without realising it. I immediately stopped talking to the other man (btw we were only talking for around 3 weeks) and told DP that I didn't want us to break up. So we got back together.
A few weeks later DP went through my phone and saw I had been talking to someone else and understandably went NUTS! I spent the next few weeks trying to make things right and constantly apologising and begging for another chance and he gave me one.
One night we went for a drink and was having a lovely night but then things took a turn for the worse... while we weren't together he was supposed to go on a sort of blind date with a friend of a friend but decided it was a bad idea... I had found out who this girl was and had searched her on FB, she was a very pretty girl... so on our night out I mentioned that I had seen her on FB and that she was very pretty (it wasn't in a funny way, I'm not generally a jealous person) and his reply to me was "you remember how lucky you are to be with me when I could be with someone like her instead" I was really hurt by that and it stuck in my head for months! Anyway that was a terrible argument that lead to all other arguments!
When we got home DP passed out in bed and I thought I'd have a look through his phone... I found messages on there from when we'd been together for only 4 months between him and quite a few other girls... messages like "call me tonight, I'll meet you in town babe if you like xx" and messages between him and one particular girl about him taking her out and going to see her in work. He also had recent messages off his ex reminiscing about the times they used to have sex and a conversation about if his dogs ever get ill that she'll go to the vets with him and be there for him and him saying how he wouldnt have it any other way! I then went through his pics and found a folder with over 800 photos of him and his ex (at least half, maybe more, were of her naked).
I obviously went nuts about all this but he didn't seem to understand why, he thought it was ok he was talking to other girls back then because he wasn't talking to them anymore and that because the photos of his ex were old it was fine (even though his phone was only a few weeks old) and him talking to her recently was him being "polite".
About a week later he told me that his ex had messaged him because once every 3 weeks he works the street she lives in and she was saying hi. So I went absolutely nuts! I don't understand why two people who have no commitments with eachother and no reason to see or talk to eachother are still keeping in contact after 2 years, it makes no sense to me, especially as he tells me he doesn't like her even as a friend.
Anyway things have been good for the last few months, really really good, like how it used to be. And I'm so happy with him and love him to bits! But I'm always thinking...
"has he spoke to her today?",
"has he seen her?",
"did they meet up?",
"has he slept with her?"...
It's annoying because I know he loves me and I don't think for a second he would cheat on me but when it comes to his ex all that trust I have in him goes out the window and I turn into one of those crazy bitches! Though he doesn't see that as I'm not one for showing my emotions or talking openly about things like that.
So... am I paranoid or should I be worried?
And apologies for the massive long essay!